Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

I swear, I could hear you stamp your foot tantrum-like as I read that statement. Seems like what you do want is somebody who'll mind your kids when it suits you, but you want to have no involvement with them otherwise. What a user you are.

YABVU and downright rude.

She's your children's grandmother and in my book families are important. You're happy to have the free babysitting and her help when it suits you but you or your dh are not happy to make the effort for her. What kind of example is are you showing to your children?

For the sake of a relationship with someone who you have not complained about the behaviour of, I think you are being very unwelcoming.

I get that you're busy and tired, and that in itself can make little things feel like a big deal

Can't you get your DH to sort the nursery out so that it's habitable for his mum? It's only for two nights, not months.

OP soooooo won't be coming back.

Sorry but we would always shuffle up for house guests. And they do the same for us so it works both ways. I feel it's for MIL to decide if the spare room is too cramped, not you.

We use ds1 bedroom as a guest room and he sleeps on a put up on our floor when pil visit.

Be careful you don't cause a bad relationship with your mil for the sake of sorting out one room she can sleep in for two nights.

Surprised at so many YABUs. OP has a seven week old baby and she is entitled to no houseguests if that's what she wants/needs. I see people saying that by seven weeks she should have it more together than that but I don't think seven weeks is so very old.

It's not very old, but its not the same as coming home with a newborn. And the 'houseguest' is Grandma - she's family and I think that makes all the difference.

I think you are being very unkind. It's a hassle? She's your MIL and your children's grandmother!

Yanbu. You don't have a spare room anymore and the open plan downstairs isn't a suitable sleeping area. And you've got a toddler and new baby.

You need to make the effort.

YABU

The four year old can sleep in with you for a couple of nights, which is what happened when MIL visited. My DM was always happy to sleep on the sofa (in fact she preferred to sleep on it for some reason

Why can't you move your baby's cot into your room or use a Moses basket/travel cot for a couple of nights?

YABU and rude and inhospitable.

YABU. Of course she must stay with you.

When you expect her help with babysitting in the future, where will you expect her to sleep then? Drive to a hotel when you get back from your night out?

Totally missing the point of the thread but why do you describe your 4 year old as a "3/5 yr old" in your second sentence? Am totally confused by their age!

I think you are being incredibly rude. Like others have mentioned, your happy to drop babysitting on her when it suits. She's travelling four hours and won't be there long. I don't see what is wrong with allowing her to stay in the child's room for her stay. My friend has a 10 month old and a four year old and will move them around to accommodate stay overs and she doesn't complain. In fact, she enjoys it as they occupy the kids and give her time to herself. Let the MIL stay.

she sounds very helpful and it is not 2 nights plus baby will be almost 2 months old (you won't be fresh out of hospital and things should have settled).

Very rude to put her in a hotel I think. what does DH think? Also, do you ask your m to sleep elsewhere??

YABU, make space, it's the right thing to do.

OP you are behaving like a tit. She is the kids' grandmother. She should b staying.

I wonder if OP has sons.

Did she visit and stay with you after your first was born?

Apart from the time you mentionwhen the (second?) baby was two weeks oldhas she ever stayed at a hotel?

Are you trying to set a new precedent?

I fins it all confusing, and bet she does, too.