Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

You are looking for reasons not to let her stay, and you sound pretty mean to be honest. She's good enough for babysitting but not for a visit when you done need her.

I can get why this seems like an unnecessary hassle, but YABU. She sounds fairly helpful and she clearly puts herself out to come and babysit. You may not feel like it now but there will come a time when you want to leave the house without your children. Don't burn your bridges. Also get your DH to sort out bed for her.

Very unreasonable. She is family. You seem happy to take but not give. Does your mum visit/stay?

She has respected your wishes until now, but i am with her - not willing to constantly fork out for lonely nights in a hotel when there is room at your place, you are just not willing to make an effort.

I can't stand my in laws but always shuffle things around when (once in a blue moon) they come to visit us. They on the other hand tell us there is no room (if they shuffled stuff around there would be) so we have to get hotels. Consequently we don't visit them often anymore as the expense mounts up.

I'd never dream of telling a family member, especially one who helps out by babysitting, to get a hotel when you could let her use the nursery!

Also think she should stay, sorry.

She's family, and you do have a spare room. Even if you didn't then there's ways around it.

She sounds like she'll be pretty useful tbf!

Of course she should stay with you or you should pay for the hotel.

Don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery? Get your DH to do it.
Don't want the hassle of a houseguest? It's your husbands mother for goodness sake.

It's not like it's s tiny baby either, it's nearly two months old.

She stayed in hotel the last time she came, at your request, it seems a bit daft now when there is actually room at your house.

Have you actually offered to pay for the hotel?

Yabu and very rude to suggest this. Surely your Ds will survive if he has to share with her? Agree with pp who said its only on mn that asking family to stay in hotels when you can make up the space is seen.

I never expect any guest of mine to stay in a hotel, personally. I shuffle kids around so that they fit. I think yabu.

Hadn't registered it was only for a couple of nights. FGS! We used to have DGPs staying for a week on each visit.

If you want her in a hotel when you clearly could accommodate her, then you should be softening the blow by picking up the bill.

Fast forward a couple of years, and you want to go out. MIL is going to babysit, the boys can share a room for the night and MIL can stay in the spare room.

Suck it up for now..

Just say, you're not staying with us because the babies only 7wks so it's not like you can babysit or anything useful, so what's in it for me? Book a hotel.
Does your DH not have an opinion?

If making up the room is really such a pain offer for her to do it - my mum would happily sort out some stuff and put a sofa bed out to help out. She seems really helpful normally so I'd agree to her staying. (That said we had (different) overnight guests for nearly a week after my daughter was born as we live away from both sets of grandparents)

Surprised at so many YABUs. OP has a seven week old baby and she is entitled to no houseguests if that's what she wants/needs. I see people saying that by seven weeks she should have it more together than that but I don't think seven weeks is so very old.

Yabvu

Wow, if you ever want her help with babysitting at any point in the future, you should make some space for her in your house. Babysitting for you is an enormous favour to you. Be grateful.

Sorry but YABU. When we were in our old house when the DC's were tiny we moved things around and made do. Your baby will be 7 weeks, not 7 days. It sounds like you're happy to have her around when she's of use to you so I don't see why you can't put her up for a couple of nights. No wonder she's 'huffy' about it.

Sorry, I'd let her stay too. Yabu.

Right, so you let her stay over when you want to go out and she babysits for you, but it's not ok for her to stay to meet her new grandchild?!

Bloody awful! How does your other half feel about this?

If I was your MIL I'd be saying no in future to your babysitting requests!

YABU. I reckon the poor woman feels as popular as a fart in a spacesuit, hence her (and your FIL's) infrequent visits.

Looks like OP has disappeared as didn't get the answer she wanted!

It sounds very rude. We have a small two bed flat and made a bed in the baby's room for guests while he was in with us, not convenient as putting a mattress in meant we couldn't open our wardrobe but that's what you do. If I were your mil I wouldn't be helpfully babysitting much in the future , you sound like you want the kind of relationship that involves handing money over at the end of it. I could sympathise with the 'someone else in your space while you have a new baby' if it were two weeks not two nights.