Ask MIL to stay in hotel when she visits - baby is 7 weeks old

[Ribenagirl1216]

My MIL wants to visit soon when baby (#2) will be 7 weeks old. I also have a 3/5 yr old. MIL lives 4hrs away by car. She last visited, along with FIL, when baby was 2 weeks old and they stayed in a local hotel as I had asked not to have house guests after the baby was born. She also came for a night when baby was born and stayed a night in our house to look after my 4 yr old while I was in hospital overnight.
I've asked her to book a hotel for her next visit (2 nights in a couple of weeks when baby will be 7 weeks old) and she's being huffy about it, partly cos of the cost and partly cos I think she feels should she be staying with us. We have a 3 bed house. The 4 year old recently moved into what we the spare room (where MIL has always stayed in the past in the 3 years we've lived here and she visits often for a coupe of nights each time and does babysitting for us while she's here) and his old box room is now the nursery though baby is in with us for now and the nursery is full of baby's things, clean laundry, baby gifts etc and a sofa bed that takes up the entire room when opened out. We no longer have a spare room. We only have one large open plan (kitchen/diner/lounge) space downstairs too so I don't feel comfortable having guests stay on a blow up bed or similar there.
AIBU? Not sure what the long term solution is but right now I don't want the hassle of sorting the nursery to make it suitable for her to stay in not do I want the hassle of a house guest, however low maintence, full stop.

Yes, where did she sleep when she stayed overnight to babysit?
Also, would you ask your mum to stay in a hotel as well, OP?

What's the point of the sofa bed if nobody's going to use it?

If baby is in with you, there's no reason why Mil can't sleep on the sofa-bed. Can't DH put the clean laundry away and make the bed up?

When we go to stay at my parents', who usually sleep in seperate bedrooms for better sleep, we all rearrange as follows:
DM moves in with DF in the double bedroom (usually just DF's room)
Our DDs 1 and 2 sleep in the twin beds in what is usually DM's bedroom
DD3 sleeps on a put-you-up bed in the dining room
And DH and I sleep on an airbed in the living room.

When my parents stay with us,
DD3 moves down from the top bunk to the bunk below
DD2 moves out of the high sleeper in her room to the bunk above DD3
DD1 moves into DD2's room
My parents sleep in DD1's double bed
And lucky DH and I get to stay in our sofa bed in the living room, where we sleep anyway!

Yes, it's chaotic, but it's family.

Incidentally, when my PIL were alive, we were lucky if they stayed for one frigging hour when they visited (MIL's doing - after the old cow she died, PIL stayed for hours with us, playing with DDs 1 and 2). Us staying at their house never happened.

When I was a child I was giving up my bed and room for relatives, friends, you name it, on a regular basis. It was just what you did - made space to accommodate your guests and welcomed people in. You'd put up with less room for a few days and you'd appreciate your home all the more once they were gone.

I have to say I find it very bad form to make people stay in a hotel unless you live in a studio apartment with 3 children

Hotel all the way.

YABU and very unwelcoming.

I imagine it's quite hurtful to her and your partner that you won't have her to stay for a couple of days. It's not as if you have to build an extension to accommodate her, just shuffle some stuff round in an unused nursery.

Just to add, how would you feel if she asked you to stay in a hotel when the family visits her because your kids are too noisy or messy?

I'd be a but upset if family asked me to stay in a hotel apart from certain circumstances such as just having given birth, illness etc.
I've only ever seen it suggested on here too.

I think yabu as you have a room for her. Our parents stay in a hotel because we don't.

I think the OP has gone, but I also think YABU and rude. She sounds a decent MIL and has already stayed in a hotel when the baby was just born. it's not as if she is wanting to stay for a fortnight, two nights is doable.

DD and I always stay in a hotel when visiting my sister because she has a cat, doesn't keep on top of housework (cat hairs everywhere) and DD is very allergic to cats. But that is the only reason we do this.

Rude. Sorry, yabu.

Rude. Sorry, yabu.

It's not for long and I can see why she'd feel pushed out. Sometimes we should accept w tiny amount of inconvenience to be hospitable and kind to family. It sounds like she's helpful too.

Can't your eldest sleep on a blow up bed or something? When I was a child I would give up my room for visiting relatives and never gave it a second thought.

It would be bad manners to put her on a blow up bed in the front room.

nickname you're making your own decision to stay in a hotel your sister isn't being awkward and inhospitable.

Don't know why OP even asked, only to disappear.

I find it quite shocking that you'd jepordise good family relations just to avoid tidying a room.

Haha, it's impossible to keep on top of cat hair if you have really fluffy ones. I have two. Just given up now tbh.

So she can stay over with you when you need her to look after your kid, but when she just wants to visit she has to pay for a hotel.

You really could'nt make it any clearer to her that you use her when you can but she can fuck off any other times.

My DP's seem happy enough to stay in nearby hotel when they visit us.
I feel it gives everyone some space. Also they can afford to do so without hardship.
I think if you need some family space especially in the early days then it's fine to make that happen.

YABU OP.

I think you are coming across as rude and ungrateful.

Why do you have a sofa bed in the ''nursery''? For guests, I would assume?

You're right LadyFanny TBH I much prefer staying at a hotel because it keeps things more harmonious. I love seeing my sister, my BIL not so much.

The baby is seven weeks old, not seven days. And not your first.

YABVU and rude. Get a grip.

LadyFanny, because she obviously thought we would all agree and MIL should be over the moon to be shoved off to a hotel!!

A massive YABU from me!!