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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think charging a child to go to a party is a bit odd?

200 replies

PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:45

My DC has been invited to a party. It's an activity thing for a birthday a 12th.

The party is just over an hour aways drive and on the invite it says to hand in the contribution £17 in two weeks time.

Let me know if I'm weird here but I pay for my kids party based on what I can afford- I don't and haven't ever asked for a donation towards it.

Am I odd to think it's cheeky.

Unfortunately DC really wants to go.

The father has text me also when I enquired to say that if she doesn't have the numbers on the day they will reschedule the day (so we will have driven all the way there and it may not go ahead????)

OP posts:
stiffstink · 25/05/2016 23:47

Blimey! That journey would cost me about £25 in fuel too!

inlectorecumbit · 25/05/2016 23:48

Really odd.
Are you also expected to drive your DC to the party.
Either way l would decline

ollieplimsoles · 25/05/2016 23:49

I'm really not sure on this as my DD is a bit young for the party dramas, someone else will be song soon who can tell you more. Having said that op I find the second part really strange, why would they not have the numbers? Is it an adventure theme package thing like paintballing or something?

Original poster
PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:51

Yep
I've been given the post code
I'm W seeing if I should invent a double book and do something with DC instead.

I think it's mad. The dad has invited the whole class. And said he has paid for 32

So I wonder if he's actually profiting ?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 25/05/2016 23:59

Honestly, I don't think my DC wanting to go would swing it for me. I'd feel a bit offended at being asked to hand in a contribution, and an hour's drive is a bit much. (Disclaimer: I have driven further, but that was for a close friend of DC whose mum was also a friend, and so I offered to drive half the invitees there while she drove the other half. No £17 contribution was expected.)

Frrrrrrippery · 25/05/2016 23:59

I think I'd tell DS he can't go. It's too vague and badly organised and if he is charging them it might end up with very few guests. It's too much of a risk.

Tell DS you will arrange something with birthday boy another time.

inlectorecumbit · 26/05/2016 00:04

What if Some of the invited 32 don't turn up? Will the £17 contribution be increased??

Mummyme1987 · 26/05/2016 00:20

Surely you don't pay as a guest at a party? Wtf is this bloke on?

MadamDeathstare · 26/05/2016 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fatmomma99 · 26/05/2016 00:41

I've never charged anyone for one of my DD's parties, but would consider it if I was doing something massive (but I'm talking needing a passport!). There has been a birthday party in a destination shopping centre, and the kids did bring money for things they wanted to buy (at shops we don't have at home), but lunch and travel to destination was provided.

BlueFolly · 26/05/2016 00:42

Ask him if he's on glue.

TendonQueen · 26/05/2016 00:45

No, that's all mad.

VioletBam · 26/05/2016 00:53

My DD is 11 and this year has been invited to umpteen parties which involve shopping and a sleepover.

I have to give money for the shopping because they never offer a voucher or anything.

Drives me MAD.

I understand people think "Oh they love shopping" and yes, they do...but I resent shelling out for my DD to go shopping for YOUR child's birthday!

WHen DD turned 11, I took her mates shopping and gave each child a gift voucher!

YANBU OP don't do it. For me, him saying it will be cancelled if the numbers aren't right....that does it.

Kiwiinkits · 26/05/2016 01:25

Get your 12 year old to 'earn' the money to go by getting her to do chores. Win win. You could get a lot of windows cleaned, the house dusted and the lawns mown for 17 quid, easy.

Just5minswithDacre · 26/05/2016 01:26

Cheeky blighter Shock

I'd say no. What if it catches on?

Lilacpink40 · 26/05/2016 01:29

Double booking yourself sounds like the easiest all round option. Also talk with othrr parents, they must have same concerns?

Just5minswithDacre · 26/05/2016 01:29

£17 plus same in petrol x 29 classmates x 2 offspring is the best part of £2000 per year for the average family!!!

Iknownuffink · 26/05/2016 01:38

£17 plus gift=thanks but no thanks. Decline the invitation.

VimFuego101 · 26/05/2016 01:58

Well now you've posted on here, you have to accept so you can report back to Mumsnet on how it goes!

Liiinooo · 26/05/2016 02:21

No child is too young to hear 'it sounds lovely, but we/Mum/Dad can't afford it' and a 12yo is more than old enough to understand that different budgets and incomes can buy different things.
Explain to DS that it is too much money. Tell him you are sorry he has to miss out and maybe plan a more affordable treat. He might be upset, he might even kick off but it is important that he learns that we can't always afford the things we want and that disappointment is not fatal.

As for his mate's dad - what an a* - charging guests! That isn't cheeky, it is rude and grabby. And as for the possible cancellation with no regard for any inconvenience to other parents or disappointment for his own son and his son's friends - that is outrageous. There is a prime example of a man whose parents failed to teach him that he can't always get what he wants.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/05/2016 02:33

Charging a party guest is massively unreasonable!

Splitting the costs with close friends is one thing, discussing such splitting of costs with the relevant parents BEFORE revealing party plans to children (so that if its not possible, they never knew it was an option in the first place) entirely another.

To add in that this expensive shindig might be cancelled at the last minute is outrageous, these people are jizpenguins, what a shame you have other plans that day and can't go..

MrsDrSpencerReid · 26/05/2016 04:16

My DD was invited to a party where we had to pay.

She'd just started kindergarten (we're in Australia, so it was a 5th birthday) and it was about 2 weeks into the school year.

It was a 10 pin bowling party. The mum had to purchase a party package and I guess she divided the cost up between the number of guests.

I remember talking with a few of the other mums about how it was a bit cheeky, but I guess I can see the party mums thinking, it being 2 weeks into 'big school' so she didn't know any of the kids or their parents yet and wanted to make sure she wasn't shelling out the cost of a party for no one to show up.

We did end up going, we had to pay when we arrived. It was about a half hour drive away so all the parents had to stay. I think most people spent a little bit less than they normally would on the gift.

Not something I would do personally, I always organise something to suit our budget and we've had some awesome parties Smile

wannabestressfree · 26/05/2016 04:20

I am wondering if it's paint balling and the £17 is for the extra 'bullets'?

avamiah · 26/05/2016 04:32

What?
Forget that.
I've never heard anything like it.

Adelecarberry87 · 26/05/2016 04:39

That's beyond rude I would decline the cost of the contribution, petrol and gift is enough to put me off.

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