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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think charging a child to go to a party is a bit odd?

200 replies

PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:45

My DC has been invited to a party. It's an activity thing for a birthday a 12th.

The party is just over an hour aways drive and on the invite it says to hand in the contribution £17 in two weeks time.

Let me know if I'm weird here but I pay for my kids party based on what I can afford- I don't and haven't ever asked for a donation towards it.

Am I odd to think it's cheeky.

Unfortunately DC really wants to go.

The father has text me also when I enquired to say that if she doesn't have the numbers on the day they will reschedule the day (so we will have driven all the way there and it may not go ahead????)

OP posts:

Janecc · 28/05/2016 07:18

Turquoise that's fine by me too with big parties in a hall or something with parents, who stay. I used to keep some extra sweets and cake for the siblings and any left over party bag bits. As the children get older, parties become child only and for specific numbers. I can't imagine many parents staying for yr2/3 unless you do a roller skating or swim party (hopefully parents one non swimmers would stay) and I wouldn't do a swim party until all children are 8 because of regulations - so yr4. I was the only parent, who stayed for a yr2 age 7 party at the beginning of the school yr - DD hadn't been 6 very long and refused to be left. Six months later I was pushed out the door...

WalkingInTheAir13 · 28/05/2016 08:07

Liiinooo has perfectly summed it up. To me, it wouldn't matter if I was being asked for 50p or £50! It's rude and insulting to invite anyone to be a guest and then ask for money. I feel sorry for the child who has such parents.

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 28/05/2016 08:17

I just had an email from a mum saying her DD couldn't come to our DS's party because she didn't have any childcare for her other children. I felt so bad, I just assumed siblings would come. I emailed her back to say don't be silly! Bring them All! Its only a hall party for a class of year ones... she said she would pay. I felt awful, that she felt she has to offer to pay.
This is what Parents charging guests have done😠
There's a new generation of parents stressing over going to a kids party about bringing their other children and worrying if they will have to pay to attend.
Unfortunately next year I feel that I will have to put a small print saying (All siblings welcome free of charge! ) I would feel so silly writing that, but I feel that it's now needed. I dont want anyone to miss out! Parties are meant to be fun fun fun!! And nothing else!!

Tohaveandtohold · 28/05/2016 09:17

Yanbu, the dad is really cheeky. I would definitely be declining the invite, not because I can't afford it but because its his party, I believe people should only organise what they can afford. If all the parents in the class plan parties like that, with the petrol cost, food and gifts lets say £40 per child, in a year, you would have paid in excess of £1300 if you attended all of them. That's definitely not on. Your 12 year old should be able to understand if you decline the invite anyway

GabsAlot · 28/05/2016 10:41

how nice of you squeezed u all sound like nice group of parents

thats the decent thing to do and the fact the mother asked was good aswell

to just say yes in the op's case is silly coz where does it end what if they all start charging

LellyMcKelly · 28/05/2016 11:56

Good grief. No way would I let my DD go to that. If it was a 'Hey, let's all go to xxx. I'll find out prices and let you know, is one thing, but 'You are invited to a party. It will be £17' is another entirely. Invitations should always be given without any expectation of reciprocity.

LellyMcKelly · 28/05/2016 13:04

My DD was invited to a party at a theme park. I was told not to forget to bring her season ticket. When we got there we found out the only other kids who had been invited also happened to have season tickets. Sneaky AND clever!

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 28/05/2016 13:19

How upset would your child be if you say no to attending? The whole thing smacks of one-up-man-ship. How much more outrageous can these parties get? I think it would be better to say no now before things escalate.

Everhopeful1 · 28/05/2016 13:34

Nope, I would not be interested in this. I think they are struggling to get the required numbers if there is talk of cancelling the event.
And if it is paintballing it can be really sore & very muddy, be prepared to put clothes/shoes worn in the bin when they get home. (Take bin liners to dress him in to get him home so you don't cover car in mud...yes it was that bad! #rainyday)

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 28/05/2016 13:56

I actually wouldn't mind that, so long as the host was paying for the food and any extras

squeezedmiddlemummy bringing siblings even to an outdoor picnic party with no entrance fee is social death round here! you just don't! I once brought DD2 along to the soft play where DD1 was attending a party - I paid her in seperately and bought her own food and still got an earfull followed by a cold shoulder and no invite the following hear from the host mum.

Candycoco · 28/05/2016 14:03

When my dd was about 6 she was invited to a party that was being held at a big museum an hours drive away. On the invitation it said children would be paid for by the host but parents would have to pay for ourselves for the pleasure of walking around the museum for some random kids birthday. I was thinking I'd sit in the cafe as it'd be an organised tour, but no the host wanted us to walk round and supervise our own child. If I wanted to pay that I'd want to do it for a day out with my own family. I politely declined. I don't want to pay £20 for something I don't want to do because you need me. Cheek

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/05/2016 14:15

Screenshots and candy - what are people on? I've read lots of threads on MN where people (sometimes the op) invite children to a party, require a parent to stay and supervise their child 1:1, and ban siblings - that is also shockingly entitled IMO - even more so if the adult has to pay their own entry and has to attend Screenshots )

I am very glad kids parties in our area do not work that way - people who think they can demand other families make any financial or logistical sacrifice to facilite another child's party beyond getting their kid there (a reasonable distance that wont mess up the rest of the family's day) and buying a present must be so self absorbed they assume their own child's birthday is The big event of the month/ year for the rest of the world, not just immediate family.

zad716 · 28/05/2016 14:29

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne me too. I personally would be concerned if the party was too difficult to attend that we'd get too many declines or no-shows.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/05/2016 14:37

Fuck that! I'm paying £28 for DD's friend to go to the HP tour with us. I'd never even dream of asking her parents for the money. I invited her to go, I pay for it.

sashadjas · 28/05/2016 15:17

Clearly he's been making the most of the last few days before the 'legal high' ban cos mushroom season is months away....!😉 Asking for a small contribution is one thing but not when the whole class has been invited (if he can't afford the cost then invite less kids, duh!) and certainly not when the plans are so flaky. What on earth costs £17 that can be cancelled at a moment's notice anyway?? Good grief!

Vicky1990 · 28/05/2016 16:11

It's an activity party and is going to be fun for your child , yes pay as otherwise the event will not take place. Do you not pay for things you want to do?. Of course you do, as we all do, if your child enjoys the day it will have been worth it.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/05/2016 16:28

Not following your logic, Vicky

Of course we all 'pay for things we want to do'.

What we don't usually do, is pay for things someone else has chosen for us to do as their party guest.

damibasiamille · 28/05/2016 20:00

blithering, I think "escalate" is the word; it all sounds to me like a bit of an arms-race!

Isn't it time we all realised that IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A LOAD OF FUN WITHOUT SPENDING A LOAD OF MONEY?

Certainly true for small kids, maybe even for teenagers?!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 28/05/2016 20:21

The absolute far and away most well received 11th birthdays dd has attended have involved very little obvious money spent but absolutely massive investment of time and creativity by birthday child's family members (tbh the two best have been organised primarily by amazing late teen aged sisters of two birthday girls).

A lot of people spend money to avoid hassle and disruption to themselves - which is absolutely 100% fair enough, I do it too with bowling and cinema parties etc. as they get a bit older - but you don't make your birthday child's friends (or their parents) pay so you can be lazier and saving you the greater amount of disruption/ hassle/ preparation/ effort/ cleaning up/ charisma required to pull off a low budget preteen party!

jjosiejo · 28/05/2016 20:46

If my DD were invited to a party under those circumstances, I wouldn't pretend to double book myself, I would just outright say that she wasn't able to come because it was too expensive and too far away.

Only way they'll learn, people!

happybee1 · 29/05/2016 10:06

I have always paid in full for my kids parties and it is exp as I have 3 DC's.
My eldest DC, teenager, was invited to birthday do at adventure park but asked to pay the entry fee. I declined as I had to pay for DC to get there as well, 2 hours away and do not agree with asking guests for money.
I think things are changing with birthday parties, it seems to me that a lot of people want big parties but really can't afford them so often recently I have been to parties where there is just the activity, eg cinema, bowling and no food or cake etc!
My eldest DC also went to a party where they did 2 activities and got a limo in between but parents were asked to send money for them to eat afterwards! All seems odd to me.
I think you are right to decline op, if they can't afford to fund the party then they should do something else.

hownottofuckup · 29/05/2016 10:13

I don't understand, he's paid for 32, is he trying to recoup the money? How many has he invited? 32?

Rainbowsdohappen · 03/06/2016 20:36

What did you do op?

Highlandfling80 · 03/06/2016 20:50

Yes. Any update please

starry0ne · 03/06/2016 21:22

Hope wouldn't pay..

My DS (9) had a maximum of 10 at his party as that is all I could afford to pay for.

Is it Paintballing op? like others have said and cost may be for bullets..though £17 seems extreme..

As for those that would never refuse a sibling..As I said my ds could have 10 at his party of those all had siblings should I have cut his numbers to 5 so they could come? Its fine in big hall but not when it is pay per child.

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