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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think charging a child to go to a party is a bit odd?

200 replies

PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:45

My DC has been invited to a party. It's an activity thing for a birthday a 12th.

The party is just over an hour aways drive and on the invite it says to hand in the contribution £17 in two weeks time.

Let me know if I'm weird here but I pay for my kids party based on what I can afford- I don't and haven't ever asked for a donation towards it.

Am I odd to think it's cheeky.

Unfortunately DC really wants to go.

The father has text me also when I enquired to say that if she doesn't have the numbers on the day they will reschedule the day (so we will have driven all the way there and it may not go ahead????)

OP posts:
TransvisionTramp · 27/05/2016 20:13

YANBU
Interested to know what the other parents whose DC/DDs have been invited think.

GabsAlot · 27/05/2016 20:14

the principle is wrong though happiest-youre teaching your kids and theirs they canget anything they want out of guilt

theres no way he forked out all the money hes just syaing it so you feel bad enough op to pay him

ample · 27/05/2016 20:16

He's taking the piss surely? Either way I would decline saying you've double booked. I'm sure you aren't the only parent thinking along these lines.

HappiestMummyAlive · 27/05/2016 20:20

GabsAlot

Yes it is wrong but I am just a very easy going person, find it very difficult to say no and this situation isn't something I'd teach my children.

Willow2016 · 27/05/2016 20:20

Happiest:
You dont think £25 in petrol, £17 for 'whatever it is' and then paying for food afterwards isnt much to go to somebody elses birthday party?

No way would I be doing that, driving for an hour, waiting around for another 2 hours then forking out for food for me and ds (when they are supposed to be at a birthday party!) then driving another hour home..

Who the hell invites 32 12yr olds to an expensive party anyway?

Cordelia1234 · 27/05/2016 20:24

My child was once invited to build a bear as part of a birthday, think they possibly went to Pizza Hut too ( only three children I think were invited, or accepted)(...affluent parents) I was asked to send money with her, on the invitation, which I thought rather off...
We'd invited her daughter to many birthday parties, paid for food, transported her and wouldn't dream of asking for payment..
( I should say they travel to the USA and further afield for frequent holidays...this is obviously how they have the spare cash ! :-)

HappiestMummyAlive · 27/05/2016 20:24

Willow2016

Hi, I don't really look and think about the price of things, others may think it's a lot to pay out but I don't think it is, I spend a bit more than that on a Saturday out for my children.

And I agree, a 32 year old shouldn't be at a 12 year olds party.

ample · 27/05/2016 20:32

The only thing you should be paying for is a birthday gift.

I've recently booked a party for DD - a dozen guests at the local cinema complex. I paid a small deposit and the rest is pay per head on the day.
We've also had sleepover parties at home and various other birthday activities over the years. Not unlike thousands of other families.
No contributions were necessary.
Now I'm thinking I could have earned some spare cash along the way... Grin
Seriously though. this is ridiculous

GabsAlot · 27/05/2016 20:33

sorry happiest might not be alot to you buts its alot to some people

sallyfox · 27/05/2016 20:36

A private party for this age must be free for any attendees

Carriecakes80 · 27/05/2016 20:45

Lol oh wow! My lot up until their 13th birthdays I took my lot up the woods, divided them into teams, and played Capture the Flag! The kids all loved it, and it was all free, well aside for the picnic I sorted for them all, which probably cost about £17 for 20 odd kids! lol. I would have to decline, imagine your kids disappointment if you got there and it wasn't going ahead! What a twadge-biscuit the dad is!

YoPo · 27/05/2016 20:46

This is happening more and more as parents give their Dcs beyond their means. It's terrible. Everyone has to learn that they can't have everything they want. Fully support you not going.

MsHoolie · 27/05/2016 20:48

Well IF this comes off, and your kid can't bear not going, then get them to pay for it themselves out of their pocket money/ doing paid chores £5 for washing your car/ grandparents/ neighbours cars... mowing the lawn etc... would be a good compromise as they get to go AND learn a valuable lesson at the same time?

Bet when you speak to other parents they are all fuming too... does sound shonky.

supersop60 · 27/05/2016 21:01

happiestmummy
I don't think a 32 yr old is invited!

cherrybath · 27/05/2016 21:05

Yes, it is really odd. And unreasonable. And expensive. If they want their child to go there as a treat they should take them with just a couple of best friends and pay for them all. If you pay this time you may well find that others start to compete in this party race and more parents ask for contributions. Starts with the fancy party bag competition and ends up with the parents being offered champagne and oysters when the pick up their kids - yes this really happened to me!

summerstorm · 27/05/2016 21:13

This is definitely one of these occasions when saying NO is a matter of principle. 4 children 9 grandchildren and 40 years of childminding and I can honestly say I've never heard of this before. If the party is in an activity venue or soft play area or something giving your child/children some spare change to buy extra juice or something is reasonable but party food and drinks should be supplied by parent throwing the party

HappiestMummyAlive · 27/05/2016 21:37

Oops sorry I read that wrong Blush I come on here using my phone!

32 children is a lot of children, I think my limit would be 10!

suzyrut · 27/05/2016 22:23

what strikes me as a bit odd is that a venue would make you pay £500+ upfront but then let you rearrange on the day? Hmm

rachelkanga · 27/05/2016 22:32

In the town where I live this is becoming the norm. Eldest daughter (16) had party at Pizza Express with 6 friends which I paid for. She has since been invited to attend meals out and been expected to pay to attend although she has now been exempt from paying twice as she paid for them before. I transport there and back, purchase gift and card and pay for her to be there, doesn't seem fair. Twin daughters (14 today) invited to meal to celebrate a friends birthday recently and asked to pay for their own drinks. They are having 9 friends meet them in Pizza Hut on Wednesday which again I am paying for.

a1poshpaws · 27/05/2016 23:38

You're kidding, right? Nobody with an ounce of good manners would DREAM of asking the party invitees to pay anything! You choose to give a party - you pay for it. Easy peasy to understand. I've never heard of such a thing as charging & however much my child wanted to go, I wouldn't let them. I'd sit them down and explain that I just didn't have the budget for it (even if I did, as a child can't be expected to appreciate the social solecism yet). As to the might be on, might not be on - I think this parent IS on something - and not a legal something either - if he expects people to be happy with that. Don't let your child go. The less contact you come into with this nutter, the safer you & your child will be. He sounds like he's lost the plot.

Willow2016 · 27/05/2016 23:53

HappiestMummyAlive

Will agree to disagree. I think spending £42 plus food just for the privilige of attending someone elses birthday party too much to ask.

Never asked for a penny for any of my kids birthday bashes and have done half of them as a single parent saving up and paying it all myself.

Oh and I meant who invites 32 x 12yr olds to a party? Sorry if it didnt come out right.

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 28/05/2016 00:22

My DS has been invited to adventure weekends, paintballing, laser tag!! Expensive stuff! But we've never been asked to pay for it. We were asked once to drive our DS to a venue 45 mins away for a party. It was a one off and it was a lovely day. So we stuck around a nearby country park for 2 hours until pick up time.

I dont like this trend... parents should do what suits their pocket, it's extremely rude to ask a party guest (especially a child) to pay for their attendance. I understand the pressure when DS says he wants to go, you don't want him to miss out.
But No. You are not being unreasonable.

Squeezedmiddlemummy · 28/05/2016 00:31

It's very selfish to assume every parent is happy to pay for your child's birthday party.

Parties in general are the financial responsibilty of the host, not the guests. Although consideration should be made for those who cannot afford to go to the party, its as if ypure saying you only want affluent children attending your childs party.
But its much more than affordability, it takes away the fun, and whether they can afford it or not, not everyone is happy to finance another child's party, and it puts those in an awkward position.

TurquoiseTranquility · 28/05/2016 02:01

If I may hazard a guess, is the dad from overseas/a different culture perhaps? What if where he's from party guests are expected to chip in, in lieu of the present maybe?
I'd still decline though, it's unreasonable and inconvenient.
I've considered organising a party at a nature reserve where the venue only has access to one car park managed by the council, the guests would have to pay £2.50 for parking and I was obsessing about how that could upset people. In the end I decided on a different option.

TurquoiseTranquility · 28/05/2016 02:09

I'd also never dream of saying no to siblings attending. (But my oldest is only in Yr 1 so lots of parents stay at parties, and I feel it's unfair to ask them to organise childcare just so they could attend my kid's party). I always factor siblings in and look for options where a few extra guests won't break the bank.

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