Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think charging a child to go to a party is a bit odd?

200 replies

PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:45

My DC has been invited to a party. It's an activity thing for a birthday a 12th.

The party is just over an hour aways drive and on the invite it says to hand in the contribution £17 in two weeks time.

Let me know if I'm weird here but I pay for my kids party based on what I can afford- I don't and haven't ever asked for a donation towards it.

Am I odd to think it's cheeky.

Unfortunately DC really wants to go.

The father has text me also when I enquired to say that if she doesn't have the numbers on the day they will reschedule the day (so we will have driven all the way there and it may not go ahead????)

OP posts:
nilbyname · 26/05/2016 17:44

Wow- I'm amazing that this actually happened!

AdoptiveDadof2 · 26/05/2016 17:51

I'm a newbie here and just trying to get a feel for the place, but had to chime in here.

No. You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

Or if you are, then I am exactly as unreasonable as you are :-)

OldBeanbagz · 26/05/2016 17:53

My DC would be mortified if i asked their friends' parents to pay for them to come to a party. I have never done this and would persoanlly scale back any plans if it meant i could pay for my own child's party.

Does the cost go up as parents opt their child out? Will it end up with a couple of close friends paying £100 + each?

You've got to feel sorry for the kid having an insensitive dad like that.

MsGemJay · 26/05/2016 17:53

Offer a car share with some of the other kids and if your child wants to go then pay but send a card and no gift. Simples

WoodleyPixie · 26/05/2016 17:54

Ds2 went paintballing for his 12th birthday. I did say on the invitation that we had paid for the admisison, lunch and X amount of paintballs but did say that people might like to bring additional cash to buy more paintballs.

This had happened for a couple of other paintballing parties so didn't see an issue , but can see people might have thought I was cheeky.

EweAreHere · 26/05/2016 17:54

I would have declined such an invitation as well, but I'm finding it really hard to believe that someone would actually have this level of cheek to do this.

Frrrrrrippery · 26/05/2016 17:55

I'd like to know the activity. 😄

I, sort of, think it's ok as it the costs have been explained upfront. It's when thing are sneaky or not mentioned upfront that it's a problem.

It's definitely ok for older teens parties.

comingintomyown · 26/05/2016 17:58

Yep my DS went to a paint balling party and extra money was needed for paintballs not a problem to me.What kind of party is it ?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 26/05/2016 18:00

It's totally different to pay for all the basics but say kids can bring money for extras (extra paintball bullets above the basic allowance or extra sweets at the cinema or extra spending money for the gift shop or whatever).

Actually charging guests to attend at all, and getting them to pay for the basic party is in a whole new category of either bumbling clueless hopelessness or brass neck, depending who and how it's done...

Mirandawest · 26/05/2016 18:02

DS has recently been to a 12th birthday party. Was paintballing. About 8 or so children went and we weren't asked to pay anything Smile

Mookbark · 26/05/2016 18:07

I did paint balling for ds1's 13th. Paid for him and five friends to go. Lunch was provided as part of the price and I drove them all there and back. They discussed it amongst themselves and 5 of the 6 brought £10 (including DS) to rent better guns. I couldn't let the 6th be left out, so I ended up paying for him to get one, too.
I just can't imagine asking for payment to a birthday party, it's far too cheeky. My DS wouldn't be going, either.

SnowyDeer · 26/05/2016 18:10

Pay £17 but don't give her a present

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 26/05/2016 18:12

I would be stunned if dd got an invited to a party and I was asked to contribute £17 Shock I would be quite blunt and say sorry that is too much money and we can't afford it.

That said I have been invited to an 40th bday party this summer and been asked to contribute £15 towards food. That seems different though and I have no problem with it.

dowhatnow · 26/05/2016 18:27

I think it must be the paintballing too. You can get a package really cheaply so he's probably paid for the 32 but it won't have cost him much. The company make their money out of selling extra balls and TBH you need the extra balls or you run out and then it's no fun whatsoever.

leadcrow · 26/05/2016 18:33

This isn't just weird or cheeky, it's rude but it's also exceptionally poor etiquette. It's a bit like if you get invited to a dinner party you bring wine £/ flowers, but you're not expected to pay for the ingredients that the host used to cook your meal! If you go to a wedding you bring a gift for the couple, but you don't get charged for the venue hire, cost of the service, meal and disco Dave's 4 hour shift.

Similarly, at children's parties parents pay for a party and guests bring a gift for the birthday child. Etiquette. I wasn't well off growing up so we had party games and home made buffet at home and invited a small group of school friends. More wealthy kids paid for group swimming or bowling or whatever. The point is, parents pay for what they can afford, and there's no judgement involved...very simple rules of whoever invites you, you invite back.

This raises the real reason why it's poor etiquette...to some people £17 is nothing, for others it's their whole week's food budget.

I'm a gobby cow and would tell this dad exactly what I've typed here, that my child will not be going because it is exceptionally poor etiquette to charge guests for a party they've been invited to. And in return unfortunately his child would not be invited to my child's birthday party. Sad for the child, but if his dad won't teach him manners and etiquette perhaps he will unfortunately have to learn about it the hard way.

JustDanceAddict · 26/05/2016 18:36

No way!

niceupthedance · 26/05/2016 18:41

YANBU.

My 4yo was invited to an activity an hours' drive away, I was informed it was £15 per child and £23 per adult (we had to supervise). So I paid and turned up and the friend's child said "where's my present?" ?!?
It's staggering that they expect you to pay for the party and food/present on top.

PuppyMonkey · 26/05/2016 18:49

It is weird and odd and rude, but doesn't he mean that when all the £17 contributions have been handed in in two weeks time, THAT'S when he'll know if he has the numbers he needs and the activity will go ahead?

So you would know before the day?

But I'd still say I couldn't go so yanbu.

maddening · 26/05/2016 19:13

Can you look up the cost of the activity and see exactly what it costs?

iMogster · 26/05/2016 19:42

I would politely decline. I would never charge for a party and £17 is more than I would spend on a present. I feel bad for the boy, as loads of his friends won't be there due to his parent's cheekiness.

chipmonkey · 26/05/2016 20:35

That's mad, Ted.

WoodleyPixie · 26/05/2016 20:43

Ha at cheap paintballing package!! That's what we thought until we booked.
Paid £68 for a 'package' that supposedly covered up to 20 players and 200 paintballs.
Booked it with 12 boys going and three adults. Was told had to pay additional £10 (plus £1 per person booking fee) and £5 for 100 paintballs. Plus £5 per person for pizza.

On the day dh and my brother and dad ended up shelling out another £300 on drinks and paintballs so that everyone could play all day. Plus many of the boys had taken £10-20 each with them made mistake of upgrading guns which just meant they used more pellets.

Notso · 26/05/2016 21:14

I still don't see how it's such a bad thing as long as it's clear there will be a cost upfront. It's not the norm for young children's parties but as I said up thread it's certainly been the norm to pay your own way from when DD was 12 plus a gift too.

To me it's no different to when our friend organised a surprise weekend away for his wife's 40th, the other couples invited agreed to pay or said they couldn't make it. We all bought her a present even though we'd paid to join them. He still got the brownie points from her for organising it.
This kind of thing is common surely, it's interesting to know where the cut off is. Is it rude because it's not the child organising it, or is it that a classmate is not a close enough relationship, or something else?

The only odd thing I can see is that the Dad has paid over everyone and just assumed they are willing to come.

Catvsworld · 26/05/2016 21:28

My husband says give in some monoloply money 😁Fucking cheek

This sadly happened to me my son was invited to child's parts at a theam park

I received a text the night before saying don't for get money for entry to the park , fast pass and lunch I was like 😳

People are turning into grabby fucks hq should have a new heading for threads grabby fucks

Catvsworld · 26/05/2016 21:31

And it's not usual for 12+

Most non grabby fucks tell there Dec they can have one or two friends for expensive days out and yu pay

For a big think like paint balling that would include lots of children usually a special birthday 13 , 16 and you still fucking pay

The only expection is inviting child's friend on Holiday and I think asking for money for flight is ok

Swipe left for the next trending thread