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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think charging a child to go to a party is a bit odd?

200 replies

PotholesinMyLawn · 25/05/2016 23:45

My DC has been invited to a party. It's an activity thing for a birthday a 12th.

The party is just over an hour aways drive and on the invite it says to hand in the contribution £17 in two weeks time.

Let me know if I'm weird here but I pay for my kids party based on what I can afford- I don't and haven't ever asked for a donation towards it.

Am I odd to think it's cheeky.

Unfortunately DC really wants to go.

The father has text me also when I enquired to say that if she doesn't have the numbers on the day they will reschedule the day (so we will have driven all the way there and it may not go ahead????)

OP posts:
blankmind · 26/05/2016 15:27

What are the parents of attendees supposed to do while this party is on, sit in a carpark for a few hours with a flask and sandwiches, it's too far to drive home and back again, surely at an hour per journey.

It's the most disorganised 'party' that I've ever heard of...unless it's the 12 year old birthday boy who is actually organising it and is pretending to be his Dad Wink

PenguinWatch · 26/05/2016 15:32

I went to a birthday party when I was 12 at our local American diner type place. It wasn't until the end of the meal that the parents informed us we all had to pay. At which point we then all had to wait for our parents to collect us, then ask them for money! Confused

charleybarley · 26/05/2016 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orac · 26/05/2016 15:40

12 seems a bit old for a whole class party. At that age mine had progressed to inviting a small group of proper friends.
In 18 years of parties I always paid for everything. Food, transport and activity.

Rafflesway · 26/05/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ANGELA446 · 26/05/2016 15:41

I think that is well cheeky... I would use a double-booking as an excuse and arrange for your child to do something 1-2-1 with the birthday child on another occasion. I certainly would not be doing a 2 hour round-trip either...

EatsShitAndLeaves · 26/05/2016 15:44

wow - that's bonkers.

I'm not sure what's worse - the 17 quid charge or the 2 hour round trip that might be a waste of time.

So a rough cost is 17 plus the petrol (25), present (15), lunch money (10) = £67 cost of attending.....

I think the parents must be on glue to come up with that one - as is anyone who accepts the invite.

As others have said - throw a party you can afford.

murphyslaws · 26/05/2016 15:49

The only time a parent paid to go to a party was a sibling wanted to go and the mum said fine . And as others were taking siblings she obviously couldn't afford for them all to go.

But that is fine otherwise it's just taking the piss

BabyBrownEyes · 26/05/2016 15:50

I'm confused.

Grammar · 26/05/2016 15:51

Outrageous! Just explain in simple terms why you DC can't go. It won't psychologically damage him for life, but may leave a sour milk taste in your mouth if you go ahead. More people need to stand off to this kind of blackmail. Be strong. You are right.

bearsprincess1 · 26/05/2016 15:56

To put it bluntly 'screw that'!! You dont ask party guests to pay and you cetrainly do not cancel if enough guests do not come. Decline and take him out for the day.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 26/05/2016 15:57

My son has been to a paintball party. They were clear that the party and x amount of bullets had been paid for but that if anyone wanted to purchase more they were welcome to bring their own money.

i thought that was fair enough. They also transported them to and from a central drop off point.
Charging £17 a head is a bit off.

Different if it is someone organising a group of kids to go, but not for a birthday.

Afishcalledchips · 26/05/2016 16:12

Have you changed the details a little bit OP, because we've very recently had a very similar invite.

When ours came through (by text) I was Shock to be honest, but not overly surprised as it seems, well... not out of character for them.

Notso · 26/05/2016 16:16

I don't see the problem as long as people know the costs upfront.
DD is 16 and since she started high school her friends birthday celebrations apart from the odd sleepover have been "Chloe is going to cinema/bowling/Nandos etc for her birthday, can I have money to go?"

If it was only revealed you need to pay once you got there then that would be unreasonable.

Notso · 26/05/2016 16:24

Onlyicanclean didn't you post a nice PA "great party, well worth the £25 ticket price" comment Grin

OneMagnumisneverenough · 26/05/2016 16:26

I think older teens are different in that they usually organise something themselves to go out with their friends. I might go for lunch for my birthday with my work colleagues but I wouldn't expect to pay for them. We are all jointly going out to celebrate something.

If I organised a lunch and said it was my birthday party and expected gifts and invited them as guests I would expect to be paying.

There is an inbetween stage with teens where a parent might have organised something but the teens add to it.

i.e. My son was invited to the cinema (age 14 ) for a friends birthday by the friends parents - there were about 6 of them. Parents paid for the cinema and snacks. Boys decided it would be nice to stay out and go to Nandos. They took money and paid for that themselves.

chaplin1409 · 26/05/2016 16:31

I too have had this this year with my daughter and have now said no as not only is there a present (money) for the birthday child there is bus fare, food and spending money for my daughter and we cant afford this.

magratvonlipwig · 26/05/2016 17:07

I've asked for a contribution. I took them paintballing, paid for entry, lunch, and a starter pack of balls. I asked parents to send cash for any extra balls........
It wasn't near £17 tho!!!

chanice · 26/05/2016 17:23

When I was 12 we has different classes for different lessons based on sets. Is this the whole form class or a different class? It is very strange

OneMagnumisneverenough · 26/05/2016 17:34

When I was 12 we has different classes for different lessons based on sets. Is this the whole form class or a different class? It is very strange

Not really, OP may be in Scotland, a lot of children will be 12 before they go to High school.

derxa · 26/05/2016 17:38

Is the party hostess Cherie Blair? She charged for parties as well.

Ameliablue · 26/05/2016 17:39

Bizarre, I'd also be a bit suspicious of the arrangements, if he is expecting parents to pay, is he also expecting parents to supervise. Granted they are old enough that not all will need much supervision but a large group of preteens let loose, I'd be expecting someone to cause a bit of trouble.

NotYoda · 26/05/2016 17:40

It's totally unreasonable

The man's a tosser

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 26/05/2016 17:40

He explained to me that he has paid for 32 children and all of us have been asked for £17
That's over £500!!!

His kid will have had their activities paid for at other people's parties, so it's not fair to then charge at their own.

It's bonkers, and I feel bad for the kid, the dad's poor planning will result in nobody coming to his birthday Sad but will be quite justified in doing so

I wonder if the dad is new to party organising and just hasn't a bloody clue? the £17 per person range of parties are usually smaller, like 5 best friends. Are the parents separated and this is the first birthday that fell on one of the dad's days?

Hairyspiderinyourunderwear · 26/05/2016 17:43

When DS was 11 we had a whole class party, actually it was two classes (the whole year). I got a killer killer deal on exclusive use of a large ymca outdoor heated swimming pool so long as it was after closing hours (7pm on a saturday night which the kids were really excited about). The party room wasn't available which is why I think she did me such a good deal so I didn't need decorations or anything, just bought some fabric to throw over the picnic table next to the pool where the cake was. It cost the same amount to invite ten kids or anything less than fifty (except cake which was cheap) so we figured why not. I didn't do party bags and already had bowls, cups and spoons and as it was after supper I didn't do much food (costco cake and ice-cream and homemade lemonade made with lemons from my friend's tree). I priced it out and it was the same price or less than doing something much more modest with six of his friends and DH and I and his younger brother and feeding everyone lunch and was much more enjoyable for DS and his friends and me and my friends who decided to stay and chat (and so little work involved!). We only did parties at most every other year. So some people do whole class parties at that age.

As to the OP, I wouldn't pay to go to a birthday party. I would pay for my kid to go to a party if it were not a birthday party sort of thing, more someone organizing a get together during the school holidays thing.

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