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AIBU?

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Original poster

Annoyed by DPs ExWife still having his surname...

686 replies

Orangecookie · 18/05/2016 21:11

I don't know this would get to me, but it just does!

My DP's ExWife still has his surname, and they have kids. He divorced a while ago but we are not married. She does contact him a lot to get him to 'do stuff' like fix shelves, a bit less so now. She sends his in laws cards for their birthdays and Xmas always signed 'from the X surname family'.

Maybe I should just get over myself and not think about it. But it makes me feel like she is still in my DPs 'family unit' more than me. We will marry at some point but the thought of taking his surname also makes me feel weird, like I'd be wife number 2!

Anyone else feel annoyed? Or and I just getting wound up over nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangecookie · 18/05/2016 21:12

Apologies about the bad grammar... Silly iPad... Blush

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 18/05/2016 21:13

Yabu, she has the same surname as her children.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 18/05/2016 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smurfling43 · 18/05/2016 21:14

YabuHmm

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 18/05/2016 21:14

She wants the same surname as her children.

It's as much her name now as your DP's.

When you and DP marry you will be his 2nd wife.

It's best all round that she gets on with your DP and his relatives.

Really can't see the problem here.

splendide · 18/05/2016 21:14

You can't help how you feel but I'm afraid she is part of his family unit isn't she? She's the mother of his children!

Justmuddlingalong · 18/05/2016 21:15

She legally has his surname. What would you suggest she do?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 18/05/2016 21:15

You would be wife no 2. You would be his second wife. The first one may want to keep the same name as her children.

YABU, has your partner given you any reason to be insecure?

PointlessUsername · 18/05/2016 21:15

She most probably doesn't want a different surname to their dc.

You will be wife no 2 even if she doesn't have the same name as your dp.

Goingthedistance · 18/05/2016 21:15

Whilst it's understandable to be annoyed by this (I know I would be too) it is unfortunately not in your control what name XW decides to use I'm afraid.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 18/05/2016 21:15

But... You would be wife number two. Confused

BYOSnowman · 18/05/2016 21:16

Wound up over nothing. It's her name too.

I've had my married name for as long as I had my maiden name. It would be weird to change back and would be annoying professionally. It's also nice to have the same surname as my kids! Not that I'm planning a divorce!!

MarthasHarbour · 18/05/2016 21:16

She has the same surname as her children. She sends Xmas cards to her DCs grandparents.

Nothing wrong with any of that. This is what my Mum did when she divorced my father. She hated her ex.

AnyFucker · 18/05/2016 21:16

Yes, you should get over yourself. It's her name.

Is the we will marry "at some point" not near enough on the horizon for you ?

BIWI · 18/05/2016 21:16

Yes, YABVU! She married your DP so legally that is her name.

And if you marry your DP of course you will be wife no. 2!

You are being very silly.

However, I suspect you know that - what's really at the root of this concern?

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout · 18/05/2016 21:16

I can see why this would annoy you. It'd annoy me too! But, being objective, perhaps she's keeping the same name as her children, rather than keeping the same name as her ex, IYSWIM

If she is keeping his name because she still has feelings for him, then you can pity her. He chose you, he doesn't want her back and she's hanging on to something that no longer exists.

Either way, you can't make her change, you can only change how you react to it, and it's best to react in a way that causes you as little stress as possible

Lightattheend · 18/05/2016 21:17

Sorry yabu. Why should she change it just because they are divorced.

ItWasNeverASkirt · 18/05/2016 21:17

YABU, try and think about something more interesting Cake

MrsSpecter · 18/05/2016 21:17

Its not his surname. Its hers. She made it her name when she chose to change from her previous name. Its nothing to do with him. I'll bet there are plenty of people around the world with the same name.

BlueFolly · 18/05/2016 21:17

I still have my ex's surname because I want the same surname as my child.

However I would not dream of asking him to fix my shelves. That's your problem there.

attheendoftheday · 18/05/2016 21:17

She doesn't have his name, she has her own name. It just happens to be the same as his. He could change his if it's a big deal for you?

HerdofAntilop · 18/05/2016 21:18

Get him to take your name if you marry?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 18/05/2016 21:18

Perhaps suggest he takes your surname when you marry?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 18/05/2016 21:18

So you think she should revert to being Ms Maidenname instead of Mrs Hisname, even though her children all have the surname Hisname?

There are some reasons to object to Wife number one, but her surname isn't one of them

MakeItRain · 18/05/2016 21:18

It's probably annoying you more because she still feels part of his and his family's life, rather than the name itself.
Try not to feel too bothered. I think it's really common to keep your married name after divorce. I have, because I want to keep the same name as my children, not for any other reason.

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