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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my fiance being unreasonable, or me?

265 replies

lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 16:24

A little while ago, I got a new job. I am a teacher so this did not start until the September. It was a different area of the country to the one we were living in, he wasn't thrilled with moving but was OK with it.

He got a new job, didn't take long, and his job started August so we moved beginning of July.

Anyway here is the unreasonable part - so we found a really nice house for rent, £700 p/m (more than affordable) in a gorgeous location, near the river. I said something like "oh I think it is perfect, don't you?"

He flipped at me Sad saying that he had to pay for estate agents fees, deposit, rent for July August and September and I took him for granted.

Do you think I did?Sad

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 03/05/2016 16:28

Why did he pay it all?

53rdAndBird · 03/05/2016 16:30

What was he flipping at you about? Was he hoping for somewhere much cheaper?

Even if he was that sounds like a huge and weird overreaction, tbh. "No, I think that's out of our budget" would have been the mature way to put it.

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:30

I don't understand - is he paying fur everything?
If so - why?!!

ElspethFlashman · 03/05/2016 16:30

Wait, you're not contributing to any of it? Why not? He's had to start a new job too.

formerbabe · 03/05/2016 16:31

I'm confused? Did you move to a new place in July then? Why are you looking at new places now or did you happen to see it by chance? How did you divide up the moving costs?

Quimby · 03/05/2016 16:31

On the face of it him.
But if he's normally nice and this behaviour is completely out of the norm for him I'm going to guess its not in reaction to a fairly standard comment but the stress of moving/planning a wedding/new job etc

If he's constantly flipping over innocuous things then he's probably just a dick but there's enough upheaval there to raise questions over whether somethings completely stressed him out and he's bottled it up and then it's all come pouring out inappropriately

Stillunexpected · 03/05/2016 16:32

Why were you not contributing to the deposit and fees at least? Really if you were moving jobs and presumably still being paid over summer, you should have also contributed to threat for those months too.

ElspethFlashman · 03/05/2016 16:33

So.....This is last July you're talking about? Your OP is in the past tense.

Confused
Stillunexpected · 03/05/2016 16:33

Actually, this is bizarre. Did this happen last year in July-Sept? Are you still bearing a grudge?

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:33

Are you already in a place and this is a more expensive one?
I think you moved last September?
Your post is really confusing!

Bajanella · 03/05/2016 16:34

When did he say this? Last July? Or recently? If last July, why is this still bothering you? If recently, has he been stewing over this for eight or nine months?

Original poster
lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 16:34

It was my first teaching job, I hadn't worked before that (student) and so I didn't have any money, I could have asked my dad but he didn't really give me a chance!

OP posts:
Quimby · 03/05/2016 16:35

So this is all 10 months ago?

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:35

My guess is that they found somewhere and moved in last July on a 12 month lease (or 6 month and renewed).
Now they are looking for another place.
It is more expensive.
OP didn't pay anything last time for the move or first 3 months rent.
Her fiancé thinks she's taking the piss eyeing up a more expensive place now.

Stillunexpected · 03/05/2016 16:35

So why on earth are you asking about this NOW?

Bajanella · 03/05/2016 16:36

Did you move last July, and now you've found somewhere better and want to move again?

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:36

Can you answer the rest of the questions too?
It was last July, but when did the £700 place and flipping out happen?

viciousstarling · 03/05/2016 16:37

Um you are, for expecting him to pay for everything. Students work. How on earth did you manage to not work while studying?

formerbabe · 03/05/2016 16:37

OK so I get you moved for your job but this house you saw for £700pm..did you see it after you moved and you liked it more so wanted to get it? If so, that does sound a little ungrateful if he paid the moving fees...unless there is a massive back story!

Pinkheart5915 · 03/05/2016 16:37

I understand you hadn't worked before so didn't have the money, but if I was him I'd feel a little taken for granted too if I'd paid for everything.
It's always awkward IMO when one partner pays for everything

nobilityobliges · 03/05/2016 16:37

Did he end up paying? It's strange that you found a place to live before discussing how you would be paying for it.

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:39

Didn't you work between July and September? Couldn't you have paid back your share from your earnings since Sept?

It's not up to your fiancé to give you a chance to ask your dad - you could just do that! You had 3 months to say "it's not fair you paying it all - here's £x from my dad / my temp job".

Different if you discussed it and he said he was happy to pay, and then is griping about it - though I still think it's a poor show if you haven't paid back some.

nobilityobliges · 03/05/2016 16:39

If he had money and you didn't I think it's to be expected that he'd pay. However, this really should have been discussed before the move!

53rdAndBird · 03/05/2016 16:39

So did he agree to pay and then flip out about it? Or did he assume he'd be paying and then flip out? Or is £700 really expensive for a house where you are, so he was thinking you'd get something much cheaper? I am confused.

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:41

Are you paying a fair (which may not be equal) share of the current rent and proposed £700 rent?