Was my fiance being unreasonable, or me?

[lulowvanbeethoven]

A little while ago, I got a new job. I am a teacher so this did not start until the September. It was a different area of the country to the one we were living in, he wasn't thrilled with moving but was OK with it.

He got a new job, didn't take long, and his job started August so we moved beginning of July.

Anyway here is the unreasonable part - so we found a really nice house for rent, £700 p/m (more than affordable) in a gorgeous location, near the river. I said something like "oh I think it is perfect, don't you?"

He flipped at me saying that he had to pay for estate agents fees, deposit, rent for July August and September and I took him for granted.

Do you think I did?

Did you actually discuss him paying all the bills until you got your first paycheck, or just assume that he would? Did you pay it back once you'd started earning? If you just assumed he'd cover it, and didn't do anything afterwards to pay him back or redress the balance, then I can see why he's irritated to be honest.

So a year ago your boyfriend made a comment you didn't like
Yabu to bother posting about it a year later

Did you discuss how you would pay for the house or just assume he'd pay first 3 months? That might have left him seething as he would want you to at least ask him if he as ok with this. If you just assumed he would be happy with it, yabu. But if he 'flipped' after having already discussed how the finances would work, he was bu.

I can't follow what happened. For this reason, LTB.

OP, did you pay him back any of the bills for Jul-Sept? Did you get an interim job? Are you and he both happy with the way you run your finances? Are you happy in your relationship?
You're not really giving us the full picture here, it's very difficult to answer if YABU if we don't know the timelines, whether the finances have been resolved, etc.

Because you said that you are now paying your way but you didn't say that you have paid back your half of what he paid upfront.

Has he brought it up again since? Or is it in the past as far as he is concerned?

Are you getting married soon?

So if I'm understanding this right:

• you both agreed to move
• you both agreed to rent somewhere
• he assumed he'd be paying the bulk of it without discussing this with you
• he got angry at you for this, rather than having a conversation about it?

Formerbabe, I lived in halls/with friends during my degree.

Then I moved in with him when I trained to be a teacher. At that time I didn't pay rent but I did food shopping, housework etc.

Then when it came time to apply for jobs I said to him I wanted to move back near my old friends and he was a bit reluctant at first but then said okay, we went looking at houses, found this one that seemed perfect, I admittedly probably got carried away and said so and that was when he flipped.

The more you post, it becomes more jumbled up. When did this flip/comment take place? Why bring it up now?

I guess I was unreasonable as I just didn't think about it really, I always knew I'd contribute when I was earning but since we had to move before this happened it was difficult.

Sorry for the confusing thread, it was clear in my head.

1. Did you discuss money before looking for the house?
2. What did he do when he 'flipped'?

The flipping was in may/June 2015. They moved in July.
Delayed reaction to the flipping kicked in May 2016.
The flipping consisted of a comment about paying for everything.

So he flipped while you were still house hunting i.e. before you moved in art the beginning of last July? So coming up for a year ago?

If you're as vague and confusing in your communication with him as you are on this thread then I can see why he got pissed off .

If you keep your finances separate, then I think you should repay him now. I also think that once your first teaching year is over you should look at whether you should stay put.

What do you mean, you were thinking of buying? With what?

Does he still complain about this now?

So did you give him back any of the half rent/bills for the 3 months or not bothered. I can sort of she his point, and you haven't really examined how he flipped?

Is there any particular reason you're thinking about this now?

Have you, for example, been reminded of it by him flipping about something else?

Does he still "hold it over you" as a time when you were wrong? Or crap with money etc?

Gosh this is confusing!

In some ways his comment doesn't even make sense in reply to what Op said!

If he didn't want to move he should have said-he had a job afterall.

If he didn't want this house he should have said.

Deposit (a month's rent?), plus 3 months is 2800 plus agent fees - 400ish - is £3200 bucks of which you should pay half. Buying would involve a deposit, which you can't have had either.

Is he older with money saved up? Did you live with him rent free whilst teacher training?

Is he wanting you to pay up and do you think he's being fair? I don't know the answer to if he's being fair because I think you need to explain what he's behaved like whilst flipping and since.

Did he make t seem like he'd happily pay for these things then change his mind?

Oh I'm so sorry to have confused everybody

mouldycheesefan Tue 03-May-16 17:13:35

The flipping was in may/June . They moved in July.
Delayed reaction to the flipping kicked in May 2016.
The flipping consisted of a comment about paying for everything

Yes, this is probably as straightforward as it gets, I honestly don't know why I'm thinking of it now.

He's never demanded the money back or made as if he thinks I should. Maybe I should offer.

Its just I feel a bit like I'm sometimes forced in a position where I'm always going to be wrong? Don't know though.

Why won't you say why it's still bugging you now?

I do have money for a house deposit, but it's from my dad so can't just help myself, unfortunately! :)

Deposit (a month's rent?), plus 3 months is 2800 plus agent fees - 400ish - is £3200 bucks of which you should pay half. Buying would involve a deposit, which you can't have had either

This. Surely once you started working you repaid him the £1600 that was your half, so what's the issue?

Unless you started work and didnt pay him back, which would be massively unreasonable!