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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was my fiance being unreasonable, or me?

265 replies

lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 16:24

A little while ago, I got a new job. I am a teacher so this did not start until the September. It was a different area of the country to the one we were living in, he wasn't thrilled with moving but was OK with it.

He got a new job, didn't take long, and his job started August so we moved beginning of July.

Anyway here is the unreasonable part - so we found a really nice house for rent, £700 p/m (more than affordable) in a gorgeous location, near the river. I said something like "oh I think it is perfect, don't you?"

He flipped at me Sad saying that he had to pay for estate agents fees, deposit, rent for July August and September and I took him for granted.

Do you think I did?Sad

OP posts:
WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 03/05/2016 16:44

Have you already moved OP and you're asking if ywbu last July or are we talking present tense here? I'm lost...

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:47

She replied she moved last July and he paid for that plus 3 months rent.

What we don't know is where the £700 place fits in!

Original poster
lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 16:49

Sorry I confused people.

Yes, this was last year.

I did work when I was a student, but didn't really earn much.

£700 is probably about average for a small house in a nice-ish location where we are.

His argument if you like was that I was taking him for granted for three months rent/bills plus fees, which wasn't what I'd intended obviously Blush just that I couldn't really contribute as my job started a month after his.

As soon as I got paid I contributed fairly, always have done.

OP posts:
Stillunexpected · 03/05/2016 16:50

Well, from the sound of it (he had to pay rent for July, Aug, Sept) the £700 ppm place is the one they moved into last Summer and are still living in now, although the whole post is very confusing.

Stillunexpected · 03/05/2016 16:50

But you still haven't told us why you are asking this now? Have you been arguing over this for 10 months?!

GraysAnalogy · 03/05/2016 16:51

So him flipping at you was recently?

I need a timeline.

Am I right in saying

you moved house and he paid

but now you've found somewhere else?

GraysAnalogy · 03/05/2016 16:51

Or are you still thinking about something that happened months ago?

Bajanella · 03/05/2016 16:51

So, just to clarify, when did he flip at you?

Cabrinha · 03/05/2016 16:52

What has happened to make you post this now?

PPie10 · 03/05/2016 16:53

Your post is still jumbled up. When has the flipping out taken place? Last year or now? Confused

Cloudybutwarm · 03/05/2016 16:53

You say he wasn't overly thrilled about moving - I imagine that then having to pay for the move was rubbing salt in the wound and he just snapped a bit. It doesn't sound unreasonable to me, unless he's always like that.

53rdAndBird · 03/05/2016 16:53

So was the £700 house the one you moved into in July, yes?

In that case I'm still not understanding what his objection was. If he'd agreed to pay the rent/bills himself, then why strop about afterwards? And if he hadn't agreed to, why wasn't he discussing it with you? Confused

ElspethFlashman · 03/05/2016 16:54

Well of course you were - I doubt it even entered your head he would have a problem with it. Which is why it's still bothering you.

But to expect someone to subsidise you for 3 months is quite entitled and it obviously stung him, when he'd moved location and jobs for you. I mean had he even had his first pay packet in the new job at the time? It was a pretty uncertain period for him.

And what exactly did you pay for during this time? Did you contribute to bills and groceries?

DailyMailDick · 03/05/2016 16:56

Why is this bothering you now?

ErNope · 03/05/2016 16:58

Why are you only posting about it now?

diddl · 03/05/2016 17:00

Perhaps he's not happy that he moved?

The move was for your job but he ended up forking out the bulk?

Gazelda · 03/05/2016 17:02

Is there more to this OP? Have there been other instances where you felt he 'flipped' unreasonably? If there haven't, then I think you need to put this behind you (so long as you are both now happy with your financial arrangements).

redskytonight · 03/05/2016 17:02

I can see why your comment riled him. He was moving house to suit you, paying for everything and rather than acknowledging this thought everything was perfect! Did you discuss money before you moved in, or did you just take him for granted?

Original poster
lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 17:03

I'm sorry I've confused people - it's just been playing on my mind a bit.

He hadn't had his first paypacket but there wasn't a break in jobs, so he left one job end of July started the next beginning of August.

I honestly didn't expect him to subsidise me, though, I was planning to try to find a job to do for a couple of months before I started teaching, it was just slightly uncertain. But the thing is, we had to live somewhere, I was keen to buy but he wanted to see if he liked where we were moving to first, which is fair enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 17:04

A bit, yes, Gazelda. I feel sometimes I am manipulated into being the one in the wrong no matter what I do.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 03/05/2016 17:04

Well it sounds as though he is still out of pocket to me.

Bajanella · 03/05/2016 17:04

Why is this still an issue months later? Why is it still playing on your mind?

Original poster
lulowvanbeethoven · 03/05/2016 17:05

How do you mean, Buzzard? :)

OP posts:
formerbabe · 03/05/2016 17:05

So the house for 700 a month was after you moved or was that were you wanted to move into in the first place?

Goingtobeawesome · 03/05/2016 17:05

Give him half of all July - September bills.

Why is this bothering you still now enough to post?