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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife work - AIBU?

252 replies

Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 20:55

I don't iron. Except in those very rare occurrences that I have a job interview or a top has been so scrunched at the bottom of a pile that it cannot be saved.

DH has a lot of ironing to do so I offered to do the bedsheets to take the strain off him. He said it was fine.

The conversation then developed into why I didn't offer to help with the shirts. I said because I bought clothes with the aim to avoid ironing and they are his clothes, hence his responsibility. Fair enough, right?

He thought that as we share all other duties that we should share this. He then came out with the cracker that it could be thought that, as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing. This sounded to me that as I earn less than him I should be putting more in at home.

We both work full time, no kids yet, we both cook and clean. We are non traditional in that I am the lazier party but it can be argued I put more in that I would if I lived alone out of respect for him.

We are ttc, the above viewpoint worries me because what will I be expected to do as a stay at home mum?

So AIBU maintaining my stand of never ironing, in offering to help out as a "favour" with our joint ironing, and sometime his clothes; or is it my responsibility to share this chore?

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 02/05/2016 20:57

Hahaha hahaha and more hahaha. His shorts he irons them

RubbleBubble00 · 02/05/2016 20:57

Shorts= shirts

Littlecaf · 02/05/2016 20:58

Ouch. YANBU. He sounds like an idiot.

You probably need to have a chat about who does what & how much before you have a baby.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2016 20:59

His shirts, he irons them. Stop ironing bedsheets. WTAF?

LineyReborn · 02/05/2016 20:59

Bedsheets??

AutumnMadness · 02/05/2016 20:59

Tell him you will do it if he sterilises your mooncup or something as it's also essential for you to go out to your job. . . . Btw, why are you ironing the bedsheets? Or does your DH wear them to work too?

RunnerOnTheRun · 02/05/2016 21:00

Do what I did. Iron a couple REALLY BADLY. Tell him all proud "look I did it for you!" he will never ask again... Just play it up that you really struggle with shirts, after all they are a nightmare to iron!

Osolea · 02/05/2016 21:01

Doing joint ironing isn't doing your dp a favour, it's you doing your share.

As a sahm, I'd expect you to do the majority of the housework, including ironing his shirts. As you're not a sahm yet, his shirts are his responsibility.

Pinkheart5915 · 02/05/2016 21:01

Surely ironing is a shared chore regardless of who's clothes etc they are, Well it is in this house the only thing that needs ironing are dh work shirts sometimes I do them twice a week he does them the rest of the time

wtffgs · 02/05/2016 21:01

WTAF? Hmm To use the MN phrase "The 1950s called; they want their attitude back."

Who the Jeff irons bedsheets (apart from my late mother Grin)

LindyHemming · 02/05/2016 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringHasNearlySprung · 02/05/2016 21:02

We shared everything. I'd be pissed off if I was having to iron all household things and DH wasn't pulling his weight. You've admitted you are lazier. I'm now wondering how much more than you your DH does.

emsyj · 02/05/2016 21:03

I used to iron bedsheets - until I had my second baby. Never ironed a thing since. I love a crisp ironed sheet.

RuthSaunders · 02/05/2016 21:03

Ironing is boring, tedious work that can be avoided by buying non-iron clothes. If he chooses to be an idiot and buy clothes that need ironing (apologies for insulting your DH but that's how low I think of people who iron Grin (joke)) then he needs to iron them. Oh, and definitely by the time baby gets there because ain't got time for that shit. I'm lucky though. I went back to work and DH stayed at home with dd. Even now he still does the bulk of the housework. I used to wind his very traditional mil up by saying that as long as the house was clean, the dinner cooked and he looked pretty when I got home, I was a happy woman. Except of course none of those things happened because he had a baby to look after, which he did v well Smile

SpringHasNearlySprung · 02/05/2016 21:04

Or you could do what I do, get a cleaner and send the ironing away to be done Grin

heygotanygrapes · 02/05/2016 21:04

You iron bedsheets?
Simple solution, iron one shirt for him really really badly, I'm talking creases in all the wrong places, curly collar etc. He wont ask again.

Pettywoman · 02/05/2016 21:04

YANBU. He'd be ironing his shirts if he was single, he can carry on. Ironing is bollocks. I don't iron anything except ds's school polo if it's been left to get cold in the dryer.

sizeofalentil · 02/05/2016 21:04

Rulebook goes out the window when it comes to ironing - it's tedious and easy to mess up.

If he earns so much more can't he pay for them to be done? It's fairly cheap.

Chippednailvarnish · 02/05/2016 21:05

Burn a few shirts whilst ironing them. He'll never ask again. I promise.

Gide · 02/05/2016 21:08

Ironing bedsheets-seriously?! Who does that? And why? You have a nice crisp sheet for half an hour then it's buggered. Just what is the point? My SIL does this, she is superwoman, I freely admit I cannot compete with her. I live in filth, comparatively. She scotch guarded the lounge carpet-it's like 25 X 15. I ripped up the carpet and laid tiles, much easier to clean.

Original poster
Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 21:09

We both prefer crisp bedsheets. Sometime they go un-ironed though. Four pillowcases & duvet cover is nothing in comparison to the ten or so shirts that take fucking ages. I quite enjoy ironing square flat things and they don't need to be perfect. We're both quite bad at leaving things scrunched after being washed and dried.

Things are exasperated at the moment because we're doing work on the house and have nowhere to store anything!

Autumn I love your idea about the mooncup. Seriously tempting. Problem is he's so pig headed he'd take on that responsibility to prove me wrong and it only takes seconds.

Trouble is he's not an idiot and this gets me so frustrated that I don't know how to argue against him. I really thought it was as simple as his shirts, his ironing but apparently this is an issue.

I identify as a feminist so I'm so fucking angry at him. He has this ability to be this all round great guy until it comes to the issue of me changing my name (I didn't, he wanted me to) or some other issue that I swear he upholds just to get a rise out of me.

OP posts:
Dizzydodo · 02/05/2016 21:09

You don't iron your clothes but you iron your sheets? Hmm

YonicTrowel · 02/05/2016 21:14

DH irons in our house - men don't really have the option of non iron smart clothes TBF. Like you, I own very few clothes that need ironing so DH does any of mine that do need it. He does a large batch at once and sets up a film or something on the laptop to watch whilst he does it.

We never iron sheets though.

Do you have a tumble dryer?

alwaysalaughtobehad · 02/05/2016 21:15

Yikes! We hardly do any ironing. There wasn't time before kids there definitely isn't now!! If he wants his shirts ironed I'd let him do them himself! According to do my DH I ironed his work shirts so badly once (I have no recollection of this!) that he's never asked me again! Non-iron shirts rule now, or crumpled ones!!

RuthSaunders · 02/05/2016 21:15

Ugh OP don't change your name if you don't want to. I didn't change mine because I still felt like me. Have a good chat with him though - if he's not ready to re-think some issues you'll end up dealing with this for your whole marriage.

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