Wife work - AIBU?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

I don't iron. Except in those very rare occurrences that I have a job interview or a top has been so scrunched at the bottom of a pile that it cannot be saved.

DH has a lot of ironing to do so I offered to do the bedsheets to take the strain off him. He said it was fine.

The conversation then developed into why I didn't offer to help with the shirts. I said because I bought clothes with the aim to avoid ironing and they are his clothes, hence his responsibility. Fair enough, right?

He thought that as we share all other duties that we should share this. He then came out with the cracker that it could be thought that, as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing. This sounded to me that as I earn less than him I should be putting more in at home.

We both work full time, no kids yet, we both cook and clean. We are non traditional in that I am the lazier party but it can be argued I put more in that I would if I lived alone out of respect for him.

We are ttc, the above viewpoint worries me because what will I be expected to do as a stay at home mum?

So AIBU maintaining my stand of never ironing, in offering to help out as a "favour" with our joint ironing, and sometime his clothes; or is it my responsibility to share this chore?

The worrying bit is that he implies that his job is more important than yours as he earns more.

My husband likes the bed sheets ironed and he doesn't ask for much so I'm happy to do them-top tip, put them on the bed first....

As for shirts, it's a shit job. Their his shit shirts. It's his shit job.

What bullshit.

I don't iron. I don't buy clothes that need ironing. DHs shirts are his problem. He irons them, or his mum does them when she visits (that's her look out) or sometimes our cleaner does them.

We both work full time. I've had 2 x 12month mat leave and didn't do them then either.

I haven't seen our iron since November when we moved.

It's around here somewhere.

Fuck knows where. I don't. OH doesn't either.

DH irons his own shirts....I do all the washing and putting away of clothes. 99% of my clothes don't need ironing, so the 5 shirts he might wear in a week are his responsibility to sort out.

If my DH expected me to iron his shirts, he'd be getting a few very badly ironed ones back....I suspect he'd do his own after that...

I do DHs ironing here, but only in return for never washing up - and I mean never. It's a fair trade to me.

If DH expected me to do it then he'd be getting short shrift.

BeYourself, OP is ok to iron bedsherts and offered to do them but her DH said he would as he was ironing anyway.

I do DHs shirts because I love him and it gives me pleasure to do something personal and kind for him.
Sorry - I know how 1950s that sounds and I am not a throwback, honestly. It's just another point of view.

Why is he fixated on you ironing his shirts?

Wider issue - does he think you don't do enough around the house?

And even bigger issue WTF does he think he is implying that his job is more important?

Well I buy clothes for me that don't need ironing, including work clothes. My husband irons his work shirts. I work part time so tend to do more household stuff but if I've washed and dried his clothes I figure the rest is up to him - his choice to iron them!
Before you have kids I think you need to work out what the expectations are - does he think that all housework is yours automatically if you are not working out of the home, even temporarily, will he view his salary as his money or family money once you're on mat leave etc? I don't like the suggestion that you need to iron for him to support him as the great provider.....

I iron dh's shirts but he does the majority of the cooking so it evens out. I only iron his shirts and the dc's schoolwear so everything else is unironed

Maybe a sahm can do the ironing when the kids are all at school but before that there's no hope I'd get any ironing done as well, I barely manage to go for a poo without my 4 year old asking if she can help wipe my bum.

We have a cleaner who does my dh's shirts but when shes on holiday he usually does them (that said, I actually like ironing dh's shirts, the smell of them does something funny to me, so I will do a couple if I get a chance).

Is this really worthy of a post?

My DP buys non-iron shirts - so it's not an issue in our house. Although I do accept that I'm a bit strange and quite like ironing because I can do it whilst watching TV. DP actively takes his things out of the ironing basket that i've put in there actually (not shirts but other tops). I also iron duvet covers. Nothing is as nice as getting into line dried, ironed bedding in my opinion! But my ironing obsession has diminished since DS2 - I can no longer be arsed to iron flannels....

If you think that, anotherprick, why post yourself?

my kids saw me ironing once and were horrified as they'd only ever seen their father iron - "why are you doing that? That's Daddy's job"

Ironing uses huge amounts of electricity so from a financial perspective it makes no sense. It is also bad for the environment to use electricity unnecessarily. I can't understand people who iron things like sheets and towels but agree that most shirts look much better ironed.

My ironing board just broke. And I'm broke. And now annoyed.

Tell me how you iron bedding in the bed? Over the duvet and pillows?

Plus I'm at the open passive aggressive replies of 'iron it really badly'. Thankfully you are. Tiny percentage but that really is insidious behaviour.

It does sound like this man is a bit keen to put you in your place and is going to keep pecking away at you until you become more obedient. He wanted you to change your name, he wants you to understand that your job brings in less money therefore it - and you - are inferior. He wants you to give in and iron his shirts because it is a task that benefits him rather than you and reinforces the message that he is your boss and your owner.
I would seriously think hard before having a baby with a man like this. It sounds like he has very deep-rooted ideas about male superiority, which will get worse once you are pregnant.

He doesn't want to talk to me about this as he's too angry and never wants to discuss it.

Apparently he has an issue with it being his responsibility and my attitude. I should want to help him out. I think what he's trying to say is that we share all responsibilities so this should be shared too. Just offering to iron bedsheets is not enough. My opinion that I avoid ironing at all cost holds no steam as this HAS to be done.

Tell him to invest in shirts that don't require ironing or to get used to ironing himself. it's a job you're not willing to take on, and you shouldn't have to. Harely anyone I know irons any more.

"He doesn't want to talk to me about this as he's too angry and never wants to discuss it. "

I see.

Is he often too angry with you to discuss things?

Tell us a bit more about the name change issue.

And listen to SGB.

Actually I think I see his PoV. My dh never cleans the toilet, never. Even though he is the one who messes it up more than me. Even when it is his mess! In the end we got a cleaner.

Maybe he isn't thinking rationally - but I know dh annoys me as he would act as if we were flat mates as he would never do anything he saw as exclusively my job. Eh he'd never put my washing away even though I'd sort his out if I'd done a load. He'd just leave my stuff piled on the bed and claim he didn't know where to put it

That's horrible that he using his anger to silence you. Is this really someone you want to start a family with?

DH and I each leave piles of folded laundry for each other, Believe. That's taking responsibility for our own clothes, just as OP is suggesting here for her DH's shirts. Whoever is folding puts away the children's.