Wife work - AIBU?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

I don't iron. Except in those very rare occurrences that I have a job interview or a top has been so scrunched at the bottom of a pile that it cannot be saved.

DH has a lot of ironing to do so I offered to do the bedsheets to take the strain off him. He said it was fine.

The conversation then developed into why I didn't offer to help with the shirts. I said because I bought clothes with the aim to avoid ironing and they are his clothes, hence his responsibility. Fair enough, right?

He thought that as we share all other duties that we should share this. He then came out with the cracker that it could be thought that, as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing. This sounded to me that as I earn less than him I should be putting more in at home.

We both work full time, no kids yet, we both cook and clean. We are non traditional in that I am the lazier party but it can be argued I put more in that I would if I lived alone out of respect for him.

We are ttc, the above viewpoint worries me because what will I be expected to do as a stay at home mum?

So AIBU maintaining my stand of never ironing, in offering to help out as a "favour" with our joint ironing, and sometime his clothes; or is it my responsibility to share this chore?

YANBU. DH does his own ironing. I do my work uniform - only 3 days worth as am PT - and anything else for me and the DC (well only really DD1, as DD2 is not even 6 months old!).

If it bothers him that much, tell him to pay to get them professionally done. My BIL does this and swears by it.

My solution to crisp bedsheets is to carefully hang them up slightly damp, then crisply fold them away when dry. It's fascinating to find out people iron them!

Going back to the issue in hand, it's his appearance, his job - there's the iron. I am on maternity leave and see it as my job to keep the kids alive, keep the house intact and stay sane. It's a bonus if I get any actual housework done (and DH agrees).

As a grown adult he can look after his own clothes - no way on earth I'd be ironing DPs shirts or anything else!
Stop ironing the sheets now - it'll be an easier transition for you when you have a new born!!

"as we share all other duties that we should share this"

I like the idea a PP mentioned of having him do his bit by sharing in the washing of your mooncup or whatever. Are there other aspects of your own personal grooming or hygiene which require more time than his do? - maybe he should "do his share" there.

Send him bra shopping, or ask him to style your hair or do your makeup or nails half the time. Fair is fair.

Bit worried that you mention the possibility of being a sahm, and that you're the lower earner and ttc. In the vast majority of cases it's women who work less or sah after dc and this guy doesn't sound like he has a great attitude towards equality, and might well want you to work PT, or in such a way that his working life continues as now, or not to work at all and do almost all the domestic work and childcare.

Amazing, you mean that the iron can be used for something other than iron-on labels . Think that's the main use in this household. I introduced dh to non-iron shirts, still working on convincing him that women don't have a secret appendage to operate washing machine. This weekend DM kept mornfully going on about the pile of sheets she had to iron (not ours), she can't entertain the notion of not ironing them. I didn't crack, don't want my labels getting jealous.

Thing is when you are s SAHM you do end up doing 90% of the housework because you are home 90% of the time. Once you're out of newborn phase and have the baby in a routine you do end up doing the housework. This also happened with DH when he was on paternity leave.

DH works FT as a professional too, I am a SAHM I don't iron his shirts, I don't usually iron the kids clothes, he usually does it because he's already got the iron on so...

having a child is going to test you relationship if he is not going to consider changing his way of thinking.

I took the fuse out of my iron years ago as the lawnmower needed a new one.

Haven't needed to replace the fuse since as the children lost the tub of Hama beads:o

OP, you need to stay resolute. The ironing isn't the real issue here, it's the creeping attitude your husband has.

Dh and I both work full time. He earns 11k more than me currently and will probably earn double given enough time. He irons his stuff and the duvet covers. I iron my stuff, dd's stuff and the pillow cases. He does more of dd's things when the cleaner irons 5 of his shirts once a fortnight. Along with other household duties, the load is 50/50. Even whilst on mat leave with ds(currently).

His mum was a SAHM and did everything in the home. He decided he didn't want that for himself (thankfully).

You need to talk it through with Dh when he's not fuming. Surely, his shirts equals his ironing?

if you concede this point he will then have an opening to argue that anything which promotes his well being is actually in your interests because it helps him in his role as breadwinner.
His needs will take priority and you will be there to serve him

"Hive mind" means what to him, exactly?

Supporters if any political movement tend to have a number of opinions in common - that's sort of the point!

Do you genuinely share all the other household chores though? So take it in turns to clean the bathroom, hoover, put the laundry on? Or is it more of case of each of you 'owning' a chore? If you do share everything, I can see his point (although, not how he made it).

If it's more than you do more of a particular chore (in our house, I tend to take care of the laundry and cleaning the bathroom, H will iron and dust), then I'd just point out what you do more of and that balances the ironing, especially as he benefits most from that activity.

You won't listen, but I'd put the TTC on hold and get it hammered out that you will not have the set up his parents had. I'm with SGB here, as usual. He's setting it all up to bamboozle you into being his housekeeper.

As for the shirts, his lookout.

Shouldwe, can I recommend a fabric pen to label clothes, rather than an iron on label?!

I've only read the first page as I was laughing too much at the 'ironing bedsheets' thing.

My sheets get washed once a week. Out the dryer and then back on the bed, still warm so no need to iron even if I was daft enough to do it.

I haven't ironed anything at all since 2006. Dp owns an iron that has lived in the kitchen cupboard since he moved in in 2010.

You lost me at the "ironing bedsheets" thing too, but, moving on.

You do realise don't you, that both 'pulling your weight' or both 'contributing equally' does not mean you each have to do half of each job ?
Might just be feasible before dc, but it doesn't work like that once you have a baby.
Even when it is feasible, it isn't the best way to share out all the things that need doing for most people. Some people are better at some things. Some are more fussy about some things. Some people find some things really difficult. Some people actually really gag at some jobs. Some people get quite a satisfaction about doing a particular job well. Some people can do a job much easier than the other - maybe because they drive or maybe because they are tall, or maybe because they work from home, or work near to the shop you need something from, etc.,etc.,etc.
Dividing every job in half is the way madness lies.

www.marksandspencer.com/l/men/formal-shirts/non-iron-shirts-n-bzdcj

Not going to comment on the deeper meaning about the state of your relationship because plenty has been said on that already and it's for you to choose whether that holds any resonance Modest.

However, purely on the subject of the ironing - just don't do it. Passive aggression all the way - the way lazy entitled partners have been doing for decades. For some reason it's so hard to call without somehow finding yourself in the wrong for being upset about it.

We can share experiences if you like, since I am about to go on ironing strike (consists only of my work shirts, kids school shirts, and most of DP's stuff).

DP is a lovely man. Kind, considerate, does more cooking than me, does his fair share of shopping/vacuuming/dog walking/DC-related tasks like daily reading, etc. He's crap at pulling his weight at laundry though, probably doing 1 load to perhaps every 15 I do and never seeming to take it apon himself to notice the bedsheets need changing, etc. (which is why I snapped at him have it when he 'helpfully' pointed out that I overloaded the washing machine - do more yourself and it may not be a problem, especially since your clothing DP takes up far more space than mine and DCs combined!).

I used to put up with this because he used to do slightly more ironing than me so laundry evened out. Since we went away in February however, he's done 1 basket load compared to my 9. Combined with the lack of help even washing it (let alone putting it away), I have decided I am not going to do his ironing any more. I will wait to see if he calls me on this or bucks up his ideas (my guess is he'll take the hint as he's usually a thoroughly decent person).

Completely agree with SolidGoldBrass.

I know you said this isnt a LTB situation, however my advice is to run for the hills as he's a sexist wotsit & it won't get better. You have been warned.

Like many of you I'm amazed at ironing sheets. I've never ironed husband's shirts.

For years we had a cleaner who came twice a week and did all the ironing. Current cleaner only here once a week, doesn't iron (or clean for that matter) Husband always does his own if cleaner not available.

It might be different if you eventually become a stay at home mother, especially once children are at school.

I'd put the TTC on hold and get it hammered out that you will not have the set up his parents had. I'm with SGB here, as usual. He's setting it all up to bamboozle you into being his housekeeper

This

On areas where he sees a feminist agenda coming through he gets angry and refuses to acknowledge these are my feelings and not one of a hive mind. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou. Because he is telling you that he doesn't like women agreeing about things, organizing and being vocal.

I have a suspicion that if women altogether stopped ironing, men's work clothes would all magically become non-iron. In face, I bet you could plot a graph.

And I thought my mother was the only person in the world who still irons sheets.

YANBU. Stand firm. Listen to your gut. You KNOW you're not being unreasonable here. You are going to need to trust your gut in years to come. Good luck!

Morrison's will wash and iron 5 shirts for £7.

Bargain.

I've not ironed one of my own work shirts for 11/years because of this