Wife work - AIBU?

[Modestandatinybitsexy]

I don't iron. Except in those very rare occurrences that I have a job interview or a top has been so scrunched at the bottom of a pile that it cannot be saved.

DH has a lot of ironing to do so I offered to do the bedsheets to take the strain off him. He said it was fine.

The conversation then developed into why I didn't offer to help with the shirts. I said because I bought clothes with the aim to avoid ironing and they are his clothes, hence his responsibility. Fair enough, right?

He thought that as we share all other duties that we should share this. He then came out with the cracker that it could be thought that, as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing. This sounded to me that as I earn less than him I should be putting more in at home.

We both work full time, no kids yet, we both cook and clean. We are non traditional in that I am the lazier party but it can be argued I put more in that I would if I lived alone out of respect for him.

We are ttc, the above viewpoint worries me because what will I be expected to do as a stay at home mum?

So AIBU maintaining my stand of never ironing, in offering to help out as a "favour" with our joint ironing, and sometime his clothes; or is it my responsibility to share this chore?

Yes, and the jokes themselves do an actual job in reinforcing sexist attitudes.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071106083038.htm

“Our research demonstrates that exposure to sexist humor can create conditions that allow men – especially those who have antagonistic attitudes toward women – to express those attitudes in their behavior,” he said. “The acceptance of sexist humor leads men to believe that sexist behavior falls within the bounds of social acceptability.”

Every time you giggle at a "woman driver" joke (not "you", "one") - you are both reinforcing to the person who made it that those attitudes are ok and we all have them (even women); and you also weaken your personal position against being able to come back on a later date with a strong argument as to why you should be allowed to use the car rather than him (even if you are going further and taking the dcs, he thinks the bus is good enough for you)

Sorry to keep bumping this thread but I don't want you guys to worry about me!

anonacfr OF COURSE I KEPT MY NAME! Honestly, if I refused to do a relatively menial task like ironing I would NOT let his views affect my principles in such a large an obvious way. As soon as I realised his assumption I made my position clear, I also pointed out his arguments were outdated and invalid and I didn't care if he or his family wasn't happy. Well, I kind of cared.. and he's accepted it's nothing to do with him and so nothing for him to be upset with. We've even agreed what will happen with future DC's names.

Duck & Boner I know how difficult it would be to retrain. I'm currently utilising all the courses my company offer and I have completed 2 Mooc's with Futurelearn. So I'm not entirely stagnating I'm working towards returning to management/admin at the moment. I'm hoping that during maternity/SAHMdom I'll have an inspiration motivation to take me in a different direction which DH would be happy to support me in.
Boner I have also fully checked Maternity benefits. I do not get to keep extended leave pay if I don't return. Depending on pretty much everything I might choose to return before DC2 and then SAH or I'll jump straight in to being a SAHM. There are so many things that will influence my decision on this, I'm hoping it will come down to my preference at the time (depending on how much I like SAHM). DH knows and is on board with the different options we can choose if when the time comes.

HowBad I think you're being a little extreme. I've been with DH for 10+ years. We've lived together for at least half of this time. I'd like to think I know him inside out. Simply put we're best friends. We have a really easy relationship. We also know where each others lines are and how to make each others lives difficult when we're feeling combative.

I agree with you and Boaty about the normalisation of negative viewpoints towards pretty much any subculture. I think it's something anyone willing to raise a child in this world needs to be aware of and guard against. What I meant by my mood at the time was not whether or not I appear to agree with him when he mentions this, DH knows he will always get a negative reaction to these views. It's a way of him winding me up, the way I wind him up about how he tidies the cutlery on a restaurant table every time he sits down. I don't disagree with his anal tendencies, I just find it funny to rip the piss out of him every time he does it.

He doesn't normally disagree when I challenge his assumptions and he's tried to make it clear that he didn't think the ironing was my job but that as the chores in the house are shared this should be counted as one but has since clarified he's fed up of leaving this job to the evening while I sit down with a nice glass of wine and watch telly while he still has this chore to do. As part of the argument that his envy created he used flawed views to support his entirely wrong standpoint.

Boaty Are you also changing your name to Attenborough?

So sorry it's long again! Gold sticker if you got this far