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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife work - AIBU?

252 replies

Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 20:55

I don't iron. Except in those very rare occurrences that I have a job interview or a top has been so scrunched at the bottom of a pile that it cannot be saved.

DH has a lot of ironing to do so I offered to do the bedsheets to take the strain off him. He said it was fine.

The conversation then developed into why I didn't offer to help with the shirts. I said because I bought clothes with the aim to avoid ironing and they are his clothes, hence his responsibility. Fair enough, right?

He thought that as we share all other duties that we should share this. He then came out with the cracker that it could be thought that, as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing. This sounded to me that as I earn less than him I should be putting more in at home.

We both work full time, no kids yet, we both cook and clean. We are non traditional in that I am the lazier party but it can be argued I put more in that I would if I lived alone out of respect for him.

We are ttc, the above viewpoint worries me because what will I be expected to do as a stay at home mum?

So AIBU maintaining my stand of never ironing, in offering to help out as a "favour" with our joint ironing, and sometime his clothes; or is it my responsibility to share this chore?

OP posts:
YonicTrowel · 02/05/2016 21:16

And do you want to be a SAHM?

Thorium23 · 02/05/2016 21:16

Never clean a man's shoes or iron his shirts.

pearlylum · 02/05/2016 21:16

I don't iron.

My mother will iron OHs shirts if she sees them clean and dry. She is a aghast that I "send him to work" in unironed shirts. She will also polish his work shoes, again me failing my wifely duties.

RaspberryOverload · 02/05/2016 21:18

DP has always done his own ironing. I made it clear from day 1 I didn't do wifework......

StarlingMurmuration · 02/05/2016 21:18

Ha! DP thinks I should do his ironing because "It's part of the laundry" and I do all the laundry. I don't mind doing laundry because I'm quite controlling about hoe things are washed and dried, and I find it to be a very satisfactory chore. But I don't iron my own clothes, I make sure I dry them so they don't need ironing, or I just don't buy stuff that would need ironing. So as far as I'm concerned, it's not a joint "family" task, it's a DP only task, and he can do it himself.

Original poster
Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 21:18

I don't have any clothes that need ironing. Sometime DH with disagree with me an throw in something that's bee scrunched. This is of his own accord, he is completely in charge of the ironing basket. This is consisted of 90% shirts and some bedsheets (not crazy! Again, his choice, his preference but as joint items I do offer to help)

What annoys me is I sometimes do offer to do a couple of shirts. It takes me ages and I hate it but it's nice to offer.

Spring I would naturally leave things longer, and I whinge am vocal in my dislike of house work. We both leave things thoughout the week and spend part of the weekend cleaning together. I would say that while I moan I pull my weight in these sessions. It works for us now but I'm aware it would need to change if we have a family.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/05/2016 21:20

It has quit literally never crossed my mind that ironing DH's shirts could in some way be 'my' job. Much to my MIL's chagrin, I have to say.

As a fully functioning adult, it's his job to get himself out of the door properly presented for his job, surely?

If you do become a SAHM then I would expect you to do more than a straight 50% split, but in our house that meant I took over the cooking (easy enough to start the tea if already at home) and the shopping (because I was doing the cooking). Still didn't mean I touched his ironing though.

ThinkYouKnowMe · 02/05/2016 21:20

My ex-dh one of the many reasons he is now my ex is that he was absolutely shite with doing anything around the house. He used to brag that he didn't know where we kept the vacuum cleaner! Hmm

But he did iron his shirts, because I point blank refused to do them. He needs them, he does them!

YANBU! And he can keep his 1950's values to himself

DementedUnicorn · 02/05/2016 21:21

He's so full of shit! His shirts = his job

Queenie73 · 02/05/2016 21:22

I don't iron unless I really need to- weddings funerals or if I'm sewing. MrQ lives in boiler suits so ironing isn't really a thing he cares about. Also, in the early days of our marriage he tried to make me do all his ironing (I think to make himself feel like the man of the house) and I starched his underpants. Oddly, he stopped asking.
My dad had to have very precisely ironed shirts for work (he was a soldier). Since he needed them to be just right, he did them himself. My mum was a SAHM, but he saw it as his job, his responsibility.

elephantfeet · 02/05/2016 21:23

I don't iron. Dh does his own (and mine if I need something ironed rarely!) I am currently on mat leave and he is doing far more than the 50:50 usual split. We have an agreement that if and when he earns enough for me to be Sahm I will iron his shirts and make his lunch.

Original poster
Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 21:23

Yonic we do have a tumbledryer

Oh and I have told him that there's a service he can pay for and where to find the information but he refuses to pay for this.

OP posts:
elephantfeet · 02/05/2016 21:24

When we first moved in together mil asked what iron I would like...I think he gathered from my response to that that his shirts = his problem.

elfycat · 02/05/2016 21:25

DH tried to show me how to iron his military uniform when we first got together...

I carefully lined up the crease at the front of the trouser leg, then rolled it a tiny hint more and ironed on that line. Apparently I did it wrong. 'Oh well you've obviously had more practice/lessons on it than I have. I'd better leave it to you.'

Never ironed his uniform or much else again.

I have about 3 rarely-worn-for-obvious-reasons pieces of clothing that require ironing. I tumble dry and fold the kids' uniforms, buy crease-resistant clothing, and love long skirts with the ironing instructions: twist up until needed.

I meticulously iron when dressmaking or patchworking though.

YANBU. but still do the ironing badlything if you need to

pratiaalba · 02/05/2016 21:25

His shirts, his job.
Even if you were a SAHM, his job. SAHM= stay at home mum, not SAHCleaner/Housekeeper.

DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke · 02/05/2016 21:26

as it's deemed necessary for his professional job that he wear a shirt then, it is in my best interest and the interest of the household that I do the ironing.

I presume that you do your own share of housework, but the division of labour is such that if 90% of the ironing is his and he is better at it, then it makes sense for him to do it. If that's the case then I would challenge him and ask him that if you are both working FT, why exactly does he feel that you need to do more housework than he does? If it's because you earn less, then I would think very carefully about having a baby with him. If he already thinks that you have less status because he out-earns you, then what will he be like when you're on maternity leave, or if you only work PT in the future?

Iggypoppie · 02/05/2016 21:26

Although they won't admit it, many men continue to subscribe to the view that a wife should be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom... It's fucking shit.

pootlepootle · 02/05/2016 21:26

If you fold the collars down and iron them like it's a blouse, he'll never try to make you do another one.

If he wears ties, the results won't be as noticeable but this worked for me ......

SoftSheen · 02/05/2016 21:29

If DH expects you to do his ironing simply because you are 'the wife', then obviously tell him to get stuffed.

If, by describing yourself as 'the lazier party', you mean that DH is currently doing a significantly greater share of the cooking, cleaning and washing than you are, then his request is not unreasonable.

FWIW, I am a SAHM and iron lots of stuff, but not my DHs shirts, which he does himself.

Original poster
Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 21:29

pootle I don't even know how to do that!

OP posts:
NewLife4Me · 02/05/2016 21:29

God I'm glad I don't work and don't mind ironing the odd shirt.
I'd rather keep it simple tbh.
We share most jobs, there are some we each have preferences for though.
I don't do windows as everyone is taller than me.
I only cook basic stuff, dh enjoys cooking.
The kids do their fair share, even ds1 who doesn't live here anymore will get stuck in if he visits.
Isn't this what families do?
If one cooks, the other washes up. The kids set table dry and put away.
Why do some people make it so hard and have to argue about basic domestic stuff?
They must be a wreck when something serious comes along.

EustachianTube · 02/05/2016 21:30

I'm a SAHM and my DH does his own shirts. We don't iron anything other than that. Occasionally if he's not got time I will do them, but he's always grateful and doesn't expect it.

wantmorenow · 02/05/2016 21:31

I quite enjoy ironing- especially if I get to squirt fabrics with spray starch, The sizzling sound and the lovely smell is quite addictive misses point entirely

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 02/05/2016 21:31

So you both like crisp bedsheets but you refuse to ever iron them. You just expect him to do it. Sounds like you are just trying to make a point tbh. Why can't you share the ironing like you do other chores?

Original poster
Modestandatinybitsexy · 02/05/2016 21:31

Sheen I would say I do more cooking. We both clean but he is the driver and instigator. If left to me it would still get done but last minus on Sunday rather than Saturday morning.

OP posts: