AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

Add.. i once again refer you to my previous post.

Would you go? How would you feel about him looking at your children knowing what he'd done?

Paedophile minimisers and apologists 👍

People calling them on their disgusting attitudes 👎

That's what I've got from the deletions.

She could have just said she was busy. Why?

To reply Add

a) fair point right up to when the B&G invite a convicted paedophile to an event where many people with kids may not be aware of his presence.

b)OP is not hysterical. She has declined to attend an event at which a convicted paedophile will be present. Good sense if nothing else particularly if she has children herself.

The bride and groom may not have committed any crime, but they are openly condoning one.

I don't think that is the case. Various people I know have had to have relatives who've done time at their weddings/parties. I know they wouldn't dream of condoning those crimes. 'Condoning' a crime is to say that you agree with it. I don't see that happened here. My friend drank drive - totally don't condone, but she came to my wedding. My point is that you can't draw that someone condones all a persons behaviour just because they invite that person to something.

A poster says that there are some indecent images of children that are acceptable ( ok so I paraphrase) and some other posters call them fuckng twats ( or words to that effect) and the latter get deleted? Seriously? On a parenting forum?

The OP is using someone else's day to air her views. For what actual outcome? She could have just said she was busy.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Addto. She's already accepted the invitation, and she really wanted to go. No bride is going to believe that she's suddenly become unavoidably busy.

So, someone with 2 convictions for making and distributing images of child sexual abuse, including the most hideously nauseatingly appalling categories, is going to a wedding. I can only think of one reason to attend: in order to stand next to him with a large sign saying "Keep your children away from this degenerate". Which would probably wreck the wedding rather more than not attending....

But I would want to know that all parents bringing children to the wedding knew his history. It's a wedding. Everyone will be taking pictures. Ugh.

The OP hasn't used the wedding to make a point. Nor has she caused a scene. If she went to the wedding and kicked off, then she would be guilty of these things. But she is not going to the wedding and has explained why. She should not have to lie.

Bourdic. Yup. That's exactly what happened.

Their posts are still standing though.

I doubt there will be a straight answer from Add.

Too busy behaving like a twat.

Yes, behaving like one.

For what actual outcome? She could have just said she was busy.

Well in my case it would be to forewarn people that I would not attend any other events these people were invited to, and would leave ones I found them at (and probably would be withdrawing from the group). And why.

Addto normally I would agree. But not in this instance. She has decided to make a stand and make it about what is societally correct. Besides when op had previously said yes, she needed a better reason than a benign excuse that she was going to be washing her hair that day.

Seriously add you're equating a friends DD offence with this scums?!!

What exactly would be a good excuse in this circumstance?

I honestly cannot come up with anything other than "you'd have to be on industrial strength glue to imagine I or any other member of my family would come to a wedding where a convicted paedophile is roaming loose".

Would I be perceived as intolerant? Would i give the smallest of rats shits?

Addto, why do you keep insisting that it is OP who has made a drama out of this when all she has done is to say she can't attend the wedding and, when asked, has said why? Why do you deny that it is the group of friends who have created the drama?

Add - we are discussing this bride and groom and this crime - - I honestly believe that someone can be rehabilitated from drunk driving and really change - paedophilia - never!

'Would you want to be friends with someone who was friends with a convicted paedophile?'

No, I would like my friendship circles not to include paedophiles, obviously. However, it sounds as though the OP wants to stay friends with the bride, just not the other guest and partner. Totally understandable, since she may have been great friends with the bride and not want to ditch her for this.

@PaulAnkaTheDog

Paedophile minimisers and apologists 👍

People calling them on their disgusting attitudes 👎

That's what I've got from the deletions.

how about - we are reading through the thread and correlating with posts which have been reported for containing personal attacks?

Seriously add you're equating a friends DD offence with this scums?!!

No, I was making a point about how an invite didn't equal condoning an offence.

a) This wedding is about the bride and groom and that I think the OP has not handled it well by creating a scene over another guest. The bride had decided the other guest was invited. Nothing was to be gain from making a drama

A wedding is about the bride and groom, but it's also about sharing it with friends and family. They've chosen to invite a twice convicted paedophile, the OP has chosen not to attend. She explained her reason to the bride, who is devastated and now the OP is getting 'drama' over not wanting to socialise with a paedophile.

I'm sure plenty of people on MN have avoided weddings because of attendees they find objectionable (abusive family members, exes, etc) in the past.

b) If the other guest is actually dangerous, that should be handled by the police and the justice service and not by hysteria.

Yes. Yes, because that's always worked out in the past. Which is why the chap in question has been convicted... twice. And is still on the Sex Offenders Register.

YANBU.
My DSis is going out with and living with a convicted paedophile. He's off his ten year sex register stint recently.
I find it awful. I struggle as I have to socialise with him to keep the peace with my family.

Drink driving although dangerous is a crime, which could potentially be damaging to another human being. Convicted paedophilea is an actual crime, where another human being has actually been damaged. The two cannot be compared.