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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pretend my new bag is a fake

198 replies

Lauslaw · 13/04/2016 16:39

So to cut things short I am the main (only) earner and I am currently three months into maternity leave, DP doesn't work, I have posted about this before an he worked previously but will be a SAHD when I return to work in October, I pay for everything: food/bills/clothes for DD and DP/phone bills/car and van insurance ect and though I resent this at times it is not an issue financially as we live quite frugally.
So I received a tax rebate and have treated myself to a beautiful New coach bag, I managed to get it £100 cheaper by buying from America (even with import tax and postage included) but I just know DP will think it is a shocking waste of my money......I'm very tempted to just pretend it's a cheap knock off! WWYD??

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 13/04/2016 16:40

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formerbabe · 13/04/2016 16:41

Would he even realise you have a new bag ? my dh wouldn't notice

ICanCountToOneHundred · 13/04/2016 16:41

Is it not family money?

SauvignonBlanche · 13/04/2016 16:41

Will he know what it is? I wouldn't.

MrsJayy · 13/04/2016 16:42

Its eff all to do with him you are not starving and buying bags instead of food

ICanCountToOneHundred · 13/04/2016 16:42

If you can afford it then it is no problem.

FayKorgasm · 13/04/2016 16:44

Its family money, I would be pissed off if DH spent big money on something for himself whilst having to watch the pennies.

NynaevesSister · 13/04/2016 16:45

So turn it around. If you were the SAHM and he had just spent all the tax rebate on a new golf bag ...

I wouldn't lie. But I would be tempted not to say anything unless asked.

Houseworkavoider · 13/04/2016 16:45

I'm glad my Dh sees it all as our money not just his.
I think you should be honest.

worriedaboutfannyop · 13/04/2016 16:45

Unless there's a backstory and he's a massive cocklodger then yabu.

By all means buy yourself a bag, but if you're a partnership and he's going to be a sahd, then it's family money and he should have equal access to disposable income to buy himself something too.

Like I said, if he's a cocklodger, that's different, but in that case you should LTB, not sneak around buying bags and lying about it?

RJnomore1 · 13/04/2016 16:46

Back up a minute

Reverse this : I don't work and I know she resents paying for me but Aibu because he's spent an unexpected windfall on golf clubs for himself. He did get the very best price he could.

The dh would be slaughtered.

Op you're not unreasonable buying a bag in general BUT you agreed to be the earner and thus imo unless you've given him half the tax rebate you are being very unreasonable indeed.

MrsEricBana · 13/04/2016 16:46

He will have no clue how much it was if he even notices you have it in all likelihood.

Ratatattat · 13/04/2016 16:46

Ok well I wonder how things would be if the tables were turned here.
Imagine sole earner male and sahm. He would be eaten alive.
Yabu.

ClimbedEveryMountain · 13/04/2016 16:46

DP doesn't work so how is it joint money?

I would say it's a knock off!

HackerFucker22 · 13/04/2016 16:46

I'd be packing his stuff in the bag and kicking his sorry arse out!

DinosaursRoar · 13/04/2016 16:47

Are you happy about him being a SAHD and not working, or would you prefer him to work and pay for childcare/you be able to reduce your hours? That basically is the crux of the issue if you are right or wrong to view this as "my money" rather than "family money" .

I'm on the other side - I became a SAHM after DC2 when childcare would be more than my wage combined with being moved to a dull job (so could see no benefit to working!), DH recently got a bonus, I'd be really annoyed if he saw that as money he can spend purely on himself and not discussed with me what to do with it (we've gone for savings over making an overpayment on the mortgage).

If you view all the money you earn as the only working parent in the family as "my money" which your DP has no right to a say over, then him being a SAHD is a very very bad idea.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2016 16:47

Is your DP not working because he; is lazy; he can't find work; you've agreed it; it works for childcare?

Ratatattat · 13/04/2016 16:47

How is it joint money???? So sahm has no money. Money her DH earns is his money is it?

DementedUnicorn · 13/04/2016 16:47

As a previous poster said, if he was the only earner and you a SAHM how would you feel if he spent a tax rebate on himself?

OneEpisode · 13/04/2016 16:47

If your spouse is a SAHP, then tax money might be family money, and falsehoods about family money aren't great?
We chose to have a joint account and full disclosure.
Other families agree private personal spend allowances. Each adult can spend their own money as they choose.
What sort of family are you?

LadyTmalia · 13/04/2016 16:48

DP doesn't work so how is it joint money?

Because he is a SAHD? therefore all money is family money?

DinosaursRoar · 13/04/2016 16:50

That said, if you'd like him to work and not be a SAHD, you need to start talking about it ASAP and also thinking about your childcare options. Just drifting along but treating him badly and lying about money is a really bad way to live.

It ain't about a bag.

NNalreadyinuse · 13/04/2016 16:50

Sahm here and I most definitely view h's wage as our money. Without all the time and work I have put in at home, there is no way he would have been able to earn his current salary.

PennyHasNoSurname · 13/04/2016 16:50

Why isnt he working? Fair enough if he is a SAHD but he wont be until Oct.

HackerFucker22 · 13/04/2016 16:51

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