To pretend my new bag is a fake

[Lauslaw]

So to cut things short I am the main (only) earner and I am currently three months into maternity leave, DP doesn't work, I have posted about this before an he worked previously but will be a SAHD when I return to work in October, I pay for everything: food/bills/clothes for DD and DP/phone bills/car and van insurance ect and though I resent this at times it is not an issue financially as we live quite frugally.
So I received a tax rebate and have treated myself to a beautiful New coach bag, I managed to get it £100 cheaper by buying from America (even with import tax and postage included) but I just know DP will think it is a shocking waste of my money......I'm very tempted to just pretend it's a cheap knock off! WWYD??

[EyNonnyMouse]

Poor OP, I bet the blimmin' bag is well and truly tainted now

[Twinklestein]

I still don't understand why the DP is lazy as not at work but the OP isn't lazy as not at work. They are both currently choosing not to be at work

She's just had a fucking baby.

[Twinklestein]

Great bag, ditch the manchild (euphemism for tit).

You know what you've got to do.

[IceBeing]

So?

[IceBeing]

Well I guess this answers why so few men have taken up parental leave. Apparently it is because women have just had a fucking baby...and hence deserve time off work automatically even if they aren't going to be the primary carer for the child.

I do get that there is a physical recovery period...but on average that lasts a month or so. The OP is a 3 months post partum - hence is CHOOSING to not work. If the decision of her DP is lazy then so is hers.

[CrystalMcPistol]

Is there any need to swear like that?

Hmmm?

[BitOutOfPractice]

Yes but she is on ML and therefore still "earning". Her DP is not. Neither is he caring for the baby. He is bringing nothing to the party at all

[Twinklestein]

Physical recovery period, breast feeding day and night, bonding with baby, getting used to being a mother...

She's primary carer at the moment as her DP is a loser.

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

Icebeing I would imagine the OP is still earning money whether she is at work or not (if she gets maternity pay) so what would be the point of her going to work? *

*apologies if this is not correct - have limited knowledge of UK maternity regs!

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

Also she may be breastfeeding.

[AppleAndBlackberry]

Icebeing - not always, I was aneamic for at least 6 months and I was up in the night a lot more due to breastfeeding, I couldn't have worked to any standard. Many women have tears that take longer than a month to heal even if they don't choose to breastfeed.

[NuggetofPurestGreen]

x post

[olrose]

my DH and me discuss everything were spending, but i wanted to buy a handbag i would never have to hide it from him? you must obviously feel its wrong spending that large amount on yourself otherwise you would have told him when you were ordering it?
seems like a very secretive relationship to me...

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

Wow, sounds like you're in a really bad position having had a child with him in the first place. Sounds like you deserve the bag for putting up with him!

[MissOpheliaBalls]

I have the same bag (smug face !) I was at home bringing up our children until the youngest left for uni 3 yrs ago. My DH bought me the handbag on our 25th wedding anniversary. It's been a very equal partnership - I've never taken the piss and he's always provided. I would have loved a career - but his career took precedence; now it's too late. This poor woman sounds like she's settled for a total twunt. I say "Go Girl !" You deserve whatever the hell you want and the nasty fucker who is freeloading and NOT providing for you and your baby should be shown the door pdq. It's quite possible there's an army of female friends waiting in the wings for you to wake up and 'smell the SMA !' (Do they still do SMA ?)
Really do you want this freeloader as a role model for your child ?

[StrandedStarfish]

My husband truly believes tha my Mulberry is a good fake. I see no reason to tell him otherwise.

[AnnPerkins]

Icebeing if the OP's baby is only 3 months old she might still be bringing in a large % of her income (unless maternity pay has changed since I did it). She's also still getting other benefits such as pension, bupa, company car, annual leave.

The DP is just unemployed.

[Bloodystupidusernamer00lz]

element, all the friends I had made in the area stopped talking to me instantly when Ex and I split. I never found out why but I strongly suspect he was feeding them lies about me behind my back (I 'cheated' on him, blah blah) and instead of actually talking to me and finding out if it was true, they just decided to shun me completely. Twas very shitty of them, and really not what I needed at the time but if they are going to believe that without even questioning it then I don't want or need them in my life!

I agree with a lot of the PP just to bring it back to the OP

[Sara107]

Icebeing, the OP is on maternity leave. You can take up to 52 weeks, of which, I think 36 are paid. You get statutory maternity pay for this period (which is not huge), but some employers top it up and pay you your normal salary (mine did, and I am not any sort of high flying career person). So I had 9 months at home basically on full salary, which, if you are not wasting money on commuting, lunches etc goes much further than normal. I managed to save loads which funded me to take the remaining unpaid weeks. So the OP can quite legitimately be on maternity leave, fully recovered from the birth and earning her full salary. In this case she would not earn more by going back to work, so why would she not stay at home with her baby? She is currently the sole earner, her DH is the one that has made the choice not to earn.

[EvansAndThePrince]

Where's the other thread? I feel like I'm missing a huge chunk of the story.

[crazywriter]

Wow! Let's look at this another way. If you were the satp and your husband worked, would all the money be his? No! It's joint. He's saving you a fortune being a sahd. I say that as a wahm.

My DH is going to become a sahd soon. He did make sure it was OK with me and we discussed finances first but I have no problem viewing the money I make as our money. Right now he earns more than me (not going into the reason for the change right now) but our money goes into a joint point for all expenditure.

YABU for resenting yourDH unless there is something youre not telling us. YABU for spending money on yourself as long as you can afford it.

[SparklesandBangs]

OP I have that bag in tan and it is my favorite bag ever, I do not think you were wrong to buy it and I wouldn't even be discussing it with your DP.

Where you and your relationship go next is another issue entirely, do you honestly think that DP will be an effective SAHP, to look after your DD, care for her and nurture her as she deserves and to support you by doing 50% of the household chores? Is he doing that now, if my DP was not working I would be expecting lots and lots of support.

[CrystalMcPistol]

He's saving you a fortune being a sahd. I say that as a wahm.

The way I read it he's costing the family a fortune by jacking his job in months before he needed to!

[EveOnline2016]

I think a nice pair of new shoes would go well with the bag.

[amarmai]

she is not going to be the primary carer because her h decided to quit working. Are you ok with that as a reason for going on benefits too?