To pretend my new bag is a fake

[Lauslaw]

So to cut things short I am the main (only) earner and I am currently three months into maternity leave, DP doesn't work, I have posted about this before an he worked previously but will be a SAHD when I return to work in October, I pay for everything: food/bills/clothes for DD and DP/phone bills/car and van insurance ect and though I resent this at times it is not an issue financially as we live quite frugally.
So I received a tax rebate and have treated myself to a beautiful New coach bag, I managed to get it £100 cheaper by buying from America (even with import tax and postage included) but I just know DP will think it is a shocking waste of my money......I'm very tempted to just pretend it's a cheap knock off! WWYD??

[Pollyputhtekettleon]

I think there is something wrong in your relationship if you would do this to him. He must be taking advantage of you for you to feel like it's ok to spend family money on something expensive and frivolous for yourself without running it by him. I would be wanting to spend extra like that on something nice for both of us but obviously there is something going on that makes you not want to do that.

YABU to lie. Face up to it if the bag meant so much to you that you had to have it.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

I think if you were the working man who bought a PlayStation and the woman was at home, you'd not get very sympathetic responses!!

They're both at home. She's on maternity leave and he ditched his job because he doesn't like working.

[amarmai]

OP every working woman needs a decent bag. Its part of your ùniformand shd be tax deductible. BTW i love coach !

[plantsitter]

I'm a SAHM I'd be really pissed off at DH if he did this. Not buying something I see as pointless - we might well agree we could afford it if he really wanted it - but buying it without consultation? Really disrespectful IMO.

And if it's to express other issues you have with him, really passive-aggressive.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

I cannot comprehend some of these responses. The 'd'p is not a SAHD he's just a waste of bloody space!!! There is one baby, which the OP is looking after on mat leave, the p has just decided to quit to be a lazy fuck!!

[elementofsurprise]

Bloodystupidusernamer00lz "I lost all my friends, my job and consequently my home within 6 months ..."

Why did leaving him mean you lost your friends? Sounds shitty of them.

[Janecc]

Is the reason you don't want to tell him is because he will sulk and then perhaps blow some money you don't have on a bigger tv? A coach bag is a luxury yes, but it doesn't sound like it's an annual purchase correct....?

[GrumpyOldBag]

I love Coach bags.

They are the affordable end of luxury, I'd say.

I've had mine for 5 years - also bought in USA at an outlet shop, it really was relatively inexpensive. And has lasted so well.

If you are normally relatively frugal I'd say you deserve to treat yourself.

[Believeitornot]

Surely the money is all family money?

If you can't be open with your partner then wtf.

[SeaRabbit]

I dont think think you are being U in your circumstances. DH is a SAHD, and I see what I earn as our money - but then he does pretty much everything around the house and for the family.

I spend more than he does on myself - but then I need smart clothes for work (for example).

We do however have allowances, so we can spend money on ourselves without feeling guilty, so maybe you could introduce those - but you will probably need more as the worker in the family. Smart bags are an essential for the working woman...

[mouldycheesefan]

Why is "all money family money" when there is one person earning it and the other person, not a sahd at this stage, just a lazy Person, earning nothing and not bothering to get a job as partner will subsidise and not contributing in any other way to household?
How is that an equal relationship?

[iluvmykids28]

I have to ask if DP is a SAHD then why is this not be classed as a job? surely bringing up children is the most important job of all.

[squoosh]

Have you read the thread?

He isn't bringing up the child. The OP is still on maternity leave.

[amarmai]

he's not a sahd because he gave up his job while his w is in mat leave looking after the baby. He does not want to work.RTWT

[plantsitter]

He has made a unilateral decision about your finances without consulting you. Now you are doing the same and lying about it.

I'm not suggesting you're not technically justified but marriages seldom work on tit for tat logic do they? If you want things to improve you stay open and honest. I think if you'd SAID 'I'm buying a v expensive handbag with my tax return' that's different from buying it and then lying about it.

[Mishaps]

A bag is a bag - it cannot be fake. It's either a bag or it isn't. Do not be a slave to designer nonsense. What a waste of money.

How can it be fair to spend this without discussing with partner?

We have always shared all our money and always trusted each other to spend wisely.

[squoosh]

Doesn't anyone read the thread any more? Even the OP's posts?

No?

[topnan]

You work, you pay all the outgoings, it's a bag, enjoy it!

[supergran231158]

My heart bleeds for you, and of course you should have your bag because it will make you feel special and fabulous and you deserve that. What kind of man doesn't want to provide for his family. Can't he get a part-time job at weekends when you are home. Don't leave him, organise childcare and kick him out. He obviously has no self-respect, and not much for you either. Tell him you want to be the 'stay home' and see what his response is. If you are resentful now, it will become a lot worse when you go back to work. Think of you and your little one. Hugs x

[BananaThePoet]

I think you may need to sit down (if you haven't already) and do a cost/benefit analysis of staying/leaving this guy.
I also think you need to get (if you haven't already) some good legal advice sooner rather than later about the implications of dragging it out if you are intending to leave him.
I wonder if the bag is symbolic of your desire to pack it and move on?

[IceBeing]

I still don't understand why the DP is lazy as not at work but the OP isn't lazy as not at work.
They are both currently choosing not to be at work.

Similarly there have been hundreds of threads on here where women have been told it is U for their DPs to spend family money on frivolities without discussion...but not this time?

I guess it is just plain old sexism. Its okay for women not to work - not okay for men not to work. Okay for women to splurge without consulting their partners about spending 'family money', not okay for men to splurge without consulting their partners about spending 'family money'.

Nice one MN.

[IceBeing]

supergran wtf? Are all SAHM's lacking in self respect also? Or are you just massively sexist? What sort of WOMAN doesn't want to provide for their family?

[alltoomuchrightnow]

Agreed, IceBeing

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

My heart bleeds for you.
And the over reacting of the week award goes to.................... Supergran.

[bundle4me]

Oshhhh. All I can say is that I would feel very guilty indeed. I work part time and my husband full time so he's the main earner. I would feel incredibly guilty spending that amount of money on a BAG but maybe my finances are different to yours... However if my DH spent a large sum of money on something materialistic, I'd be very disappointed, to say the least!