To pretend my new bag is a fake

[Lauslaw]

So to cut things short I am the main (only) earner and I am currently three months into maternity leave, DP doesn't work, I have posted about this before an he worked previously but will be a SAHD when I return to work in October, I pay for everything: food/bills/clothes for DD and DP/phone bills/car and van insurance ect and though I resent this at times it is not an issue financially as we live quite frugally.
So I received a tax rebate and have treated myself to a beautiful New coach bag, I managed to get it £100 cheaper by buying from America (even with import tax and postage included) but I just know DP will think it is a shocking waste of my money......I'm very tempted to just pretend it's a cheap knock off! WWYD??

[chocomochi]

If you are counting your pennies then YABU. But if you can afford to, then why not? However, why didn't you tell him before your purchase? Is it because you knew he would disapprove?

[HackerFucker22]

OP

GET RID

[DinosaursRoar]

having read your other thread can i suggest you use the time you are on maternity leave to think about ending your relationship and sorting childcare?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I just read the other thread. He's a shitty, lazy cocklodger. YWBVU to buy a bag. That should have been your Fuck Off Fund.

[whois]

YWBVU to buy a bag. That should have been your Fuck Off Fund.

+1

[Lauslaw]

Ehem... He did not need to stop working (self employed) until October when my ML ends(first child) he stopped work because he hates working. that is why I feel it is my rebate to do as I wish with, I have been looking at it as a treat before all money becomes family money.
And unfortunately he will notice as apparently I have too many clothes already
We have food/heat/occasional treats and no debt but he would be of the opinion the money would be better spent on a bigger TV for computer gaming! I don't see why TVs have to be huge monstrosities (but that's a whole other thread!)

[OohMavis]

Jesus, why are you trying to raise this man-child?

[SanityClause]

Does he get money to spend on fripperies for him? If so, then fine. But, if you are spending money on you that he doesn't get, because you are the sole earner, then that's not right (unless of course there is no good reason why he should not be earning, but that's a whole different kettle of fish).

[dandydesmond]

Not the same reasons, but I have done this before... I got so sick of a champagne socialist friend judging me for having anything even remotely more expensive than primark that I started telling her the Michael Kors bags I was buying duty free on business trips to the states were fakes from other trips to Asia. She's none the wiser and has finally stopped making comments about the cost.

[Mooey89]

Just read other thread. Sounds a lot like my ex. DO NOT let him establish himself as SAHD, because if you do, when you leave (which you will), he may well get residency.
Get out now, before you go back.
This is about way more than a bag!!

[Lauslaw]

Missed all the activity as I was typing!
Not really prepared to become a single parent of a 3 month old until I go back to work! He's not an awful man, just a lazy man-child! So a few more months won't make any difference long term, I have an escape fund.
I just feel I deserve something beautiful!

[tinyterrors]

If this was a man posting about his wife who's a sahm he'd be (rightly) ripped to shreads.

Equally if this was a woman posting that her dh had a tax rebate and spent it on a really expensive watch (I'm sure there's been a thread lile this) as it's "his money" then she'd be told to ltb.

I'm glad my dh doesn't have your attitude op and climbed. He sees the money he earns, including bonuses, as joint money because I stay at home looking after OUR dcs to enable him to work and not spend huge amounts on childcare.

Mn has some ridiculous double standards at times.

[Sunnybitch]

I think yabu to think of it as your money...your a family
Tbh if this was me and id had a nice tax rebate after always watching the pennies, then I would of spent the money on a nice family day out

[OohMavis]

The question is, do you actually trust him to properly parent your child? Or will she amuse herself while daddy wins his 18th match on COD that morning.

[Lauslaw]

Hmm can see myself getting flamed for not having more resolve!

[DinosaursRoar]

Why are you with him? Really why?

He brings nothing to your life, it doesn't sound like he'll be good with the baby when you return to work, and most importantly, it sounds like you really don't like him, and certainly have no respect for him.

Get it sorted now, when there's time for him to rebuild his business, you can line up childcare for return to work and draw a line under this.

[SanityClause]

Oh, xposted.

Yes, if he gave up working because he doesn't like it (FFS!) then I don't see why he should expect to have the luxuries that his earnings would bring.

Seems silly not to have waited until you returned to work to become a SAHP.

[Lauslaw]

I have another 6 months to watch the father/daughter interaction and see how it pans out, and I appreciate the comments saying it is joint money but I must point out he could be working until October and has chosen not to.

[Pinkheart5915]

as long as you had the money spare to buy it, Why hide the cost from him?

very good taste you have by the way, I recently treated myself to a coach handbag and its lovely.

[Lauslaw]

I am still here as I have watched my mother bring up a child single handedly from birth and she openly admits it's bloody hard, I take my hat off to any parent of a newborn who does it alone from day one, half assed help is better than no help.
Surely!?

[Mooey89]

You are not getting flamed, lovely, but you do need to listen.

I left my ex when DS was 6 months old. Yes it's hard, yes, I'm skint. But it's 10000000x easier than when I was with him, because I'm not spending my life following him around picking up his shit!

Do you really want to come home, day after day, to find he has done no chores, you have to tidy up, you have to cook dinner, and DD is fractious because she's bored stiff???

You deserve a bag. You also deserve someone better than this man child!

[Lauslaw]

Thank you pink it's the loveliest thing I have ever owned!

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

Just tell the truth about the bag.

Lying about it is pointless and not the right thing to do.

[Goingtobeawesome]

ClimbEveryMountain - are you for real?

If I wasn't at home with our children DH wouldn't be able to work therefore it is jointly earned money. Same as with every family where one parent stays at home.

[Lauslaw]

mooey well at least Ive got the bag
I am taking on board what you are all saying but what percentage of the time do things need to be awful to really make you jump! It seems that 70% of the time he is fine and I can't help feeling he is probably the best of a bad bunch.