To pretend my new bag is a fake

[Lauslaw]

So to cut things short I am the main (only) earner and I am currently three months into maternity leave, DP doesn't work, I have posted about this before an he worked previously but will be a SAHD when I return to work in October, I pay for everything: food/bills/clothes for DD and DP/phone bills/car and van insurance ect and though I resent this at times it is not an issue financially as we live quite frugally.
So I received a tax rebate and have treated myself to a beautiful New coach bag, I managed to get it £100 cheaper by buying from America (even with import tax and postage included) but I just know DP will think it is a shocking waste of my money......I'm very tempted to just pretend it's a cheap knock off! WWYD??

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2591938-AIBU-to-think-Partner-needs-to-pull-his-weight

^ for context.

[Oakley02]

If I buy anything, I tell my husband it only cost £5 - he knows may be a slight fib but it works for me! I have a couple of coach bags, fabulous quality and will last forever 😊

[Zaurak]

Physical recovery of a month? For me it was about eight weeks before I was halfway mobile ( c section that went a bit wrong plus hideous spd.) then you're pretty much welded to the baby if you bf. It was 12 weeks before mine stopped cluster feeding for hours and hours a day....

Anyway, I read your other thread. He's a waste of space. Don't let him set up as primary carer - if you do split he would then be able to take the kids, ffs. And you'd be paying him maintenance

[Janecc]

OP I've just read the other thread. are you ok? You've gone awfully quiet. Are you coming back?

[ohtheholidays]

Lauslaw I did it alone,I had 3DC I split up with my arse of an ex and 4 days later I found out I was pregnant with my 4DC I have no regrets and they're all older now and I've remarried and we've had our 5DC.

It was alot easier going it alone than feeling like I was having to parent another child in the form of a selfish lazy arse of a man.

[IceBeing]

Okay so it seems like there isn't all the information here....of course you could still be physically recovering at 3 months (I was back in hospital at 4 months) but the OP hasn't said that applies to her. You could be BFing (again I was) - but the OP hasn't said that either. She could be getting full pay- she doesn't say here that she is. Also if they have enough money for neither of them to work then again, why is the DP that is lazier than the OP for not doing so?

The fact that evidence on other threads indicates the DP is a waster doesn't change the horrendous sexism splattered all over this one.

[Twinklestein]

Are on the funny sweets Icebeing?

[AgentPineapple]

I could never understand secret shopping, me and my DH are very open about money. He has very recently become the only wage earner and I have just become a SAHM. I would never resent him buying something if we could afford it, but I'd be really pissed off if he kept it a secret. We always discuss any big purchases and to be honest I'd rather we spent any unexpected windfall together.

[thewookieswife]

Glad for you that you have got a lovely new bag!

The other issue, SAHD, might it be wise to have a chart/idiot sheet /diary or similar showing what's actually normally expected of any stay at home parent. Ie showing that as you are working 8-6 that you expect him to work on home stuff too from 8-6. And that after 6 it's a team effort!

This could either encourage him back to work so you can afford to hire in help for day time household and childcare stuff, or shoe him what actually required?

Just a thought

[AgentPineapple]

Having read your other thread now, I think the handbag is the very least of your problems and not what you should be worrying about! Don't leave your DD with your DH... Time for him to go back to work!

[girlwithagruffalotattoo]

half assed help is better than no help. Surely!?

No. It really isn't. The weight of working, plus doing his share of the household and childcare tasks (plus presumably all the emotional labour he won't even think of) will drag you down SO much more than if you were on your own and just sorting it.

[OrraBoralis]

YANBU If you love the bag and it makes you happy then good for you. I have not read the other thread but DH sounds lazy. If he mentions it tell him to get off his arse and get a job then he can have some spending money.

I absolutely detest the words "Push Present" but tell him the bag is your Push Present and when he delivers a baby he can get a bigger telly

[EsmeOz]

"Push present"? What a load of bollox. I had never heard of this until I read this thread. What is the world coming to......

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Seriously Esme you have never heard of a woman being given a gift from her partner on the occasion of giving birth?

[munchkin2902]

I would totally pretend it's fake. Sounds like you deserve to treat yourself. Enjoy it.

[EsmeOz]

Nope, never heard of it Needs. Good on the OP for buying herself a lovely bag though.

[redskirt3]

Iceberg, with my first it was 6 months before I was physically well enough to work pt, and with my second I started part time at 4 months but found it tiring.

I would hate our society to become one when women miss out on the ability to have plenty of rest and recovery time after giving birth. I know my body felt different - soft/vulnerable for around a year.

As women we should preserve the first few months after birth as time to take it slow if needed. This is a way of showing respect for ourselves and our role as mothers as well as what may well be in the best interests of our children.

[Janecc]

Iceberg I'm not well enough almost 8 years after giving birth. I got fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue from the hormonal changes. I didnt even know I had chronic fatigue until DD was almost 3 and stopped napping at which time I stopped functioning. Until that point, I just thought I was really tired - sleep when the baby sleeps, it's only in hindsight seeing what most other women can do.... So we can't assume a certain recovery time. I wouldn't necessarily state my health issues in every thread I wrote.

[MadameDePompom]

What double standards would those be?

[IceBeing]

Janecc I am sorry to hear that- but I am not sure what if any relevance it has to the thread.

I don't believe the default assumption is that women 'need' to take a year of after giving birth. Of course some do...but the vast majority don't.

So if you write a thread about how your DP is so lazy for wanting to stay at home with the baby then I think you should expect people to point out you are also not going to work in order to stay at home with the baby.

I hate the sexist assumption that it is 'normal' for women to chose babies over work and someone a sign of moral degeneration for a man to chose the same thing.

[FavaBeans]

YABU for resenting yourDH unless there is something youre not telling us.

If you'd read the thread you'd see she did 'tell us'.

[Pixienott0005]

If you provide for everything surely you are entitled to treat yourself once in a while. Just tell him it's real and perhaps arrange to take you both out for a meal at some point, that way he is being treated too.