significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

I'm sorry you might be a bit miffed but you can't really throw our toys out of the Pram re this I'm afraid.

They got in there first with the date. I'm guessing it suits them and they didn't do it just to spite you. As I said, I'm not denying you the right to be a bit peed off, but YABU if you decide to voice it.

YANBU, in my opinion. You told them that you were going to have the party on that date, so I feel like you did get in there first with the date. Not really sure what you can do about it though without causing bad feeling.

Is the wedding going to be on your actual birthday?

Yes. The actual day of my big birthday.

Realistically they're not going to change the date after they've sent out the Save The Date cards, and I expect, booked the venue, are they?

This date may have been the most convenient in terms of the venue ect. I'm afraid if I was booking my wedding and the ideal date clashed with my SILs potential birthday party a year down the line, I wouldn't change it. Sorry.

You're going to need to swallow your pride on this one I'm afraid.

Thats ridiculous! How stupid of your brother to agree as well.

I'd be annoyed, they had so many other dates to choose from. idiots!

That is shit then- but it's your brother who's at fault. He's the one who should have at least spoken to you about it if it was necessary to hold their wedding on the same day.

I doubt they've planned this in the last week to spite you tho. I should imagine they'd had the date picked out for a while, and are just rushing to get in first.

But as I say, it's your brother you should expect the consideration from.

I'd arrange your party for the Friday then. Family will be travelling to the area anyway, suggest they come the day before. You can have a toast at midnight, so it's your actual birthday, and everyone will be hung over for the wedding. That'll really annoy the SIL.

(Ok dont do this, it's mean. But very tempting...)

I was all set to say YABU - however, no I don't think you are. Your brother knows when your (big) birthday is, what a silly thing to do to book a wedding the same day. I cannot see how not other date would do/was availabe to them. It's not the end of the world, but it does seem a little bit underhanded and rude. They didn't get to the date first - it's been your birthday for x many years (if it wasn't a significant one I may be saying otherwise, however I also have a big '0' one next year, and would be most put out if my one of my siblings decided to hijack it with their event).

I'd phone them and SQUEAL with excitement that they are getting married on your x birthday and it's SO EXCITING and HOW NICE cos it's a joint party and when are you picking the invites and you've got ideas about the cake and your mate Marjorie (the one they don't like) CANNOT WAIT to come and what. Lovely idea of theirs it was especially knowing your tight up for money as a single parent and timing it all like that is so kind!

I am not always a nice person though.

Tbh if I was planning a wedding - which often involves settling on the nearest date to the one you actually wanted, due to venues being booked etc...I'm really not sure I would have remembered it was someone's birthday.

So I understand you being a bit miffed if birthdays are important to you, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was done on purpose.

Actually, it would be a bit weird for anyone planning a wedding to go all out to make sure it's on someone's birthday, unless they were actual 'enemies' perhaps.

Have just spoke to my mum and as far as she is aware, they've not even booked anywhere yet! Sis in law is just checking to see if everyone is available on that date! Mum was as shocked as I was to receive a save the date as she didn't know they were planning to get married so soon.

Oh well find out if they've booked and if they haven't, remind them it's your birthday and you're planning a party.

'They got in there first with the date.'
They didn't though. It was always OPs birthday.

I think you should call or msg your DB and just say "I got your save the date card.... it's on my birthday??" And see what his response is. Maybe she organised it and he had a stupid moment and didn't realise. Or maybe he's just a dick.

"...I'm really not sure I would have remembered it was someone's birthday."

You're just being silly Worra- unless you have genuine problems with your memory or numbers, then in which case I apologise.

I only have one sibling admittedly, but I've never heard someone say anything to do with the 27th September* without immediately recognising it was my own brother's date of birth.

*not his actual birthday. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

no such thing as a significant birthday - just another day

I'm not 'just being silly' at all.

I actually wouldn't have remembered it was someone's birthday, if I was (for example) trying to book a venue for one date, and they offered me another.

Add to that someone telling me that a month ago, during a meal (where alcohol might've been drunk) they mentioned they were planning a party on that date, and I doubt very much I would remember that either.

But we're all different.

And as the youngest of 5 siblings, no I don't automatically remember their birthdays until facebook the calender reminds me.

I'm guessing it suits them and they didn't do it just to spite you

They might have!

Yanbu - at best they are thoughtless, at worst, bitchy and nasty.

I'd tell my brother that I had already told him I was having a party (lie smd say it is already booked) and since they haven't booked anywhere yet, they need to change their date. It was always your birthday, long before they devided to get hitched.

I honestly think considering they haven't booked anything your SIL is doing this to spite you because you said you wanted a party. It's ridiculous to send save the dates when nothing had been booked what if she can't even find a venue she likes available on your birthday?

Get your mum on side and call your brother and say you're glad he checked because NO you're not available on that day because it's your significant birthday and doesn't he remember you told him and SIL that you were planning a party on that day. So glad nothing's booked yet so they ca choose another date.

I've just text my brother this:

So excited to receive your save the date. Will be awesome to share our special days. Can I suggest a joint evening party to celebrate your wedding and my significant birthday? If you let me know the venue I can send my friends invites to my party. I'm sure you won't mind me inviting them and I'm happy to share costs for the evening event. X

What do you think his reply will be??

Amazing Well done penguin.

Did you? Wow you are brave! I am kind of in awe of you.
Gosh...I wonder what he'll say?

My first reaction was that your sil couldn't possibly be so pathetic/selfish/petty/malicious as to deliberately book on the same date to spite you and that it must be an availability driven thing.

But that she hasn't even got anywhere booked is...well, I'm astonished! I like to go about under the premise that most people are nice enough and well intentioned really...but every now and then I am reminded that some people really are just a bit wrong in the decency stakes.

She's a bully. I'll be interested to know what your brother's take on this is.

Go on OP!
I love people who can take shit like this and turn it around! Let us know his response!