Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

significant birthday

363 replies

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 10:20

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

OP posts:
DoopDoopBiscuit · 13/04/2016 13:06

I'd be very surprised if that's the only date the church have for a March wedding. I could maybe believe it if it was the summer.

But you need to be the bigger person. Don't stoop to her level. If you think she's done this to upset/annoy you then you're reacting exactly as she'd planned by letting your brother know you're annoyed. Just rise above it and plan your party for another day.

Thelittleredhead · 13/04/2016 13:06

Hold up - this woman has actually said the words 'benefits scum' to/about you? Are you serious? Christ, why would you even want to go to the wedding and support their marriage if she's that unbelievably fucking rude?

Couldashouldawoulda · 13/04/2016 13:07

I bet that's bollocks about it being the only free date. Like the idea of having your big party the night before, so their do has to play second fiddle and any joint guests are a bit hungover! :-)

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 13:08

Doop given that the op was wanting to have a party on the same date, I'd assume it's probably a Saturday and the couple want their wedding at the weekend (like most do). So it's really not that unlikely that it was the only date available.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 13/04/2016 13:09

Assuming that your birthday was the only available date, then you got the Save The Date card quickly because DB and SIL realised you would otherwise plan a big party for the same day as their wedding. Why they didn't tell you face to face I don't know, probably because relations are not easy.

I don't know why you are fixating on your SIL here. Your own brother presumably knows when your birthday is, whereas SIL is unlikely to remember. He could have 'phoned you to tell you the wedding was on your birthday a lot earlier, but he didn't.

It may not be that SIL hates you and DB is going along, I'm afraid. It may be that DB has his own dislikes and resentments that he now feels free to express, which is giving your SIL licence to follow suit. Either way, grit your teeth, celebrate your birthday on another day then keep your distance from both of them. From the way they treat your son it seems they are happy to be dismissive of you both.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 13/04/2016 13:10

This thread is a joke, right? Something funny that I don't get?

You didn't actually suggest that you make their WEDDING a joint party with your birthday? You aren't actually getting all pissy about them "stealing your limelight"?
The only explanation I can think of, if this is true, is that your 0 ending birthday is 10.

You have a birthday every year. You have one ending in 0 every decade. They will have ONE wedding, in a lifetime.

You are NUTS.

IlikePercyPig · 13/04/2016 13:11

I can't believe that there are still people suggesting that the OP deliberately inflames the situation by holding a party near/on the wedding weekend, the OP listened to some posters by sending that text and all it did was make her look like a dick.

Grow up.

DoopDoopBiscuit · 13/04/2016 13:13

I understand what you're saying Paul, but I got married on a Saturday out of the "summer season". We booked less than a year in advance and had lots of dates to choose from, so I'm just surprised they were so booked up already. Either way, the op should just try and be happy for her brother and attend his wedding in good spirits

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 13/04/2016 13:14

Also, really appalling to see so many other crazy ass self centred diva replies. Who knew so many people were so narcissistic and paranoid, never mind downright mean!

midsummabreak · 13/04/2016 13:16

If your s.i.l. is often putting you down and judging you negatively (about being a single mum for example), then from now on, Don't let anything your sister in law says/does upset you . Reacting with anger is allowing her to have power over you.

You have the power to detach from her negativity she is not worth it

Enjoy your party, whenever you decide to have it (before, or after their wedding, it doesn't matter, as you can still have a fantastic time) Enjoy their wedding and wish them well. Be generous to your brother and sister-in-law and prove her wrong She is in the wrong for her judgemental comments and negativity, don't lower yourself to her level. Don't give much thought to any of her future negative comments or actions and she will never be able to bring you down Spoil yourself and your beautiful children on your birthday (hire a kids entertainer to be there or make special games for them too) and I hope your family and you have a wonderful time x0

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/04/2016 13:18

I don't see why the OP shouldn't have the party near her actual birthday. I doubt many of her friends would be also invited to the wedding.

I think the op is being childish about the wedding clash, but I wouldnt hold the party further away from my actual birthday than I could get away with.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/04/2016 13:19

Some churches are booked up years in advance even out of core wedding season. Just saying.

Assuming that your birthday was the only available date, then you got the Save The Date card quickly because DB and SIL realised you would otherwise plan a big party for the same day as their wedding.

This is what I think happened. Or possibly they don't want you to attend and are hoping you will be off celebrating elsewhere.

Your SIL does not sound v nice but regardless of big birthday or not it's not worth creating a big family stink over it.

BalloonSlayer · 13/04/2016 13:21

Just have the party a week after, invite them, they won't be able to come as they'll be on their honeymoon. Everyone's a winner!

PrivatePike · 13/04/2016 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mari50 · 13/04/2016 13:21

I find it hard to believe that once someone is past their 21st birthday that they think anyone else really gives a shit about their birthdays.
'Stealing my limelight'!?? Honest to god, I'm assuming you're 30- get over yourself, only self involved idiots throw themselves big parties and think that it trumps a wedding. If your SIL is so obsessed with you that she wants to ruin your 'big party' with her 'big day' then she's as immature as you and you deserve each other!! Grow up and let it drop.
If my SILtb planned to marry my brother on my birthday I'd be delighted and wouldn't be so conceited to think it was contrived to piss me off. Even if it did clash with a party I was planning to throw for myself a whole year later, that I hadn't booked yet.

PrivatePike · 13/04/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lynnm63 · 13/04/2016 13:23

Sorry not read all the replies so this may have been suggested. As you don't like future sil why don't you book your birthday bash the week after the wedding as they'll be on honeymoon she won't be there. If they don't go for your joint party idea

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 13/04/2016 13:23

Your 30(?)th birthday is not a big deal. At all. Have a party another weekend. It's fine to have been mildly annoyed by this but, if she didn't already hate you, she definitely will now.

PrivatePike · 13/04/2016 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 13/04/2016 13:25

Anyone else wondering what the SIL's aibu would be?

"My fiances sister hates me, she's mad because he's not her son's "surrogate father" (her words) anymore, and he actually wants to spend his time with me rather than her. She's been horrible to me since we met, but now she has really lost it. She just had her birthday, and said she planned on having a party next year as its a big birthday. Which is fine, but we since found out that the only date available for our wedding in my church is on her birthday. I knew she'd have a hissy fit because its all about her, but she actually thinks we should make her wedding reception into her birthday party and invite all of her friends to our wedding?
AiBU or is she bonkers?"

Fishface77 · 13/04/2016 13:25

Look op.
Let them enjoy their wedding.
Text him back and say you were joking.
But I have to be honest this is your brother have you never said to him stop being a dick? Have you never confronted your sil about her behaviour and contempt towards you and your son?
They sound like a pair of bullies and your DB is just as bad as your sil.
We always blame the others eg, sil, bil, mil etc and we need to sometimes recognise that it's actually OUR family member eg, Brothers, sisters, DHs to blame.

Fishface77 · 13/04/2016 13:28

I actually thought your text would be taken in a quite tongue in cheek manner like I assume it was sent and how I understood it.

PrivatePike · 13/04/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonTail · 13/04/2016 13:30

I think that people are giving the OP a hard time here.

The brother has shown by his text that he knew it was the OPs birthday and that she was planning something that day, but didn't have the courtesy to call her and tell her they were nicking that date before sending the save the date cards. I think he's the dick in this situation.

OP, just delay your party by a week or so. Hopefully they will be on their honeymoon and you wont have to have SIL there!

Sistersweet · 13/04/2016 13:31

I think you're being rather ridiculous. Have your party the week before and the week after. It's really not that big of a deal

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.