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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

significant birthday

363 replies

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 10:20

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:43

You may well be right Worra, sadly Ive known a few people in real life who could be that nasty.

bluebellforest · 13/04/2016 12:43

I think I would have to ring up the church and find out. But that's me Grin
You're future sil sounds horrible.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 12:44

Wow Laguna it honestly must be so hard going through life second guessing everything people say. Why are you so suspicious? Why can't you just take people at face value? Or if you can, why are you encouraging the OP not to? She has given no evidence to back up her future sil 'dislike' of her, nor any to back up that they did this on purpose. Given that, are you equally as suspicious of the op as you are of her brother and sil?

Scholes34 · 13/04/2016 12:44

Regardless of whether it was intentional or not, just reign it in and do yourself a favour. Your prospective SIL will potentially be a part of your life for a long time. My DM, after over 50 years, continues to be wound up by her SIL and it's not good for her blood pressure.

SmallBee · 13/04/2016 12:44

It's massive shame it is happening on your birthday, but in this instance it's definitely not SIL's fault.
When we were picking dates for our wedding I asked DH to check the dates we were looking at to make sure they suited his family, as they're his family and I expect him to know better than I do.
He said the dates were fine but turned out that it was actually the day before MIL's birthday. Luckily she was delighted as all she wanted for her birthday was family and champagne and cake so worked out well.
I then spent bloody ages one evening writing out save the dates and gave half to DH to post out.
When we sent the invites out we discovered that he hadn't done this and some close family had actually booked a holiday, luckily they were able to move it.
But at no point did I accept it was my responsibility to do this for DH, it's his job to make sure his family could make it, I'm not his secretary.
So I would say this is firmly on your brother.

RJnomore1 · 13/04/2016 12:44

Christ sorry my phone hasn't updated. That's a shame they can't make your party.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2016 12:45

No, you're right.

She clearly doesn't like you or you her.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 12:46

Massive x-post there on my part! Apologies!

GoblinLittleOwl · 13/04/2016 12:48

Accept it, albeit through gritted teeth, and arrange your party after their wedding, then you don't have to entertain sister-in-law, and you can bitch about the wedding, dress, family et al , although I am sure you will be far too busy having a great time to do that.

MiffleTheIntrovert · 13/04/2016 12:49

I think SILs are the new MILs on MN.

Celticlassie · 13/04/2016 12:49

I've been to loads of weddings on my birthday - it's just one of these things. It can be quite nice, actually, lots of extra good wishes, (and drinks bought for meWink) than I'd have had otherwise!

witsender · 13/04/2016 12:49

Stealing limelight?! Seriously, this really isn't the massive deal you are making it out to be, or doesn't have to be at least.

Of course he doesn't sound apologetic...if the OP had gone to him as an adult then maybe relations would be different now, but going straight in with that arsey PA text (that only people encouraged by strangers on MN would send) has massively set the tone for this whole problem.

LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:49

Wow Laguna it honestly must be so hard going through life second guessing everything people say. Why are you so suspicious?

Er Paul what on earth are you on about - you have completely made that up about me...you have no idea what my life is like, and how I deal with people. I only stated a fact - OP only has her brothers word for it its the only date available, thats all. It might come as news to you but people can and do lie about things to get their own way. Thats not being suspicious, that's reality. You only need to read some of the threads here to see the way humans are capable of behaving towards other humans. Part of managing in relationships with people is having the ability to trust obviously but also to be aware that not everyone is like yourself.

Original poster
penguinfan · 13/04/2016 12:49

There are plenty of other occasions where sis in law has been unpleasant but don't want to go into too much detail. Bro thinks the sun shines out of her bottom though and before she came on the scene we used to be very close. He was like a surrogate dad to my son but their bond has vanished now and my bro refers to him as either Kevin or young thug even though they are far from the truth as my son is a kind, clever and loving boy.

OP posts:
IlikePercyPig · 13/04/2016 12:52

TBH I'm quite impressed that your brother didn't respond to that awful text by telling you to fuck off, that must have taken quite a lot of restraint to be polite.

FlyRussianUnicorn · 13/04/2016 12:53

I'd be pretty pissed off too OP. I hope your Mum is planning on boxing your brothers ears.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 13/04/2016 12:54

I really think you need to distance yourself from these people they clearly make you feel very unhappy and that is sad given that you used to be close to your brother. It's not a battle you can win so personally I would retreat and surround yourself with good friends and people who do love and care about you.

SmallBee · 13/04/2016 12:55

Oh yeah your SIL sounds like a proper dick in other instances, but this time it really was up to your brother to check with you before booking a date not her.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 12:55

So this perhaps stems from jealousy on your part? Because you're not as close to your brother? If that's the case I'd advise you to not phone the church, or do anything to rock the boat for their wedding, it's certainly not going to make you closer, it would do the opposite.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/04/2016 12:57

TBH I'm quite impressed that your brother didn't respond to that awful text by telling you to fuck off, that must have taken quite a lot of restraint to be polite.

^^
THIS

The text was incredibly PA imo!

NNalreadyinuse · 13/04/2016 12:59

Well, I think it is a massive coincidence that the only date the church was free just happens to be the OPs birthday.

I also think your brother was a dick for not bothering with your child's birthday. I think I would do something with my friends, dh and dc for my birthday and give his wedding a miss. I don't think you will miss him much.

RB68 · 13/04/2016 13:00

thats easy have your party same venue Fri night. Then Lol when everyone hungover at the wedding

FlyRussianUnicorn · 13/04/2016 13:00

I really need to learn to read the whole thread.

I'm starting to see why your SIL doesn't like you, OP. And it's nothing to do with the fact your a single parent. Your a cheeky bitch even thinking they would share their wedding reception with you.

HackerFucker22 · 13/04/2016 13:01

Have a big massive party the night before!!

BalloonSlayer · 13/04/2016 13:03

Goodness me, I came on to be all sympathetic but that Text of yours! Shock

You have made yourself look a complete tit and completely lost any moral high ground.

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