significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

Brilliant response!!
Yanbu, it's pretty spiteful to choose that date when you had already told them in advance.

Good text! I guess they won't go for your suggestion...but just in case, I'd make sure you don't get lumbered with the costs of their evening party (i.e. will they have an equal number of guests).

SIL appears to be batshit. You've got some fun years ahead of you

What do you think his reply will be??

"Cut the PA sarcasm, sorry, I forgot you're planning a party"?

I would consider a birthday as a reason not to book a wedding tbh, it probably wouldn't even pop into my head. I'm confused, are you implying that within a month she has visited venues, picked one and started arranging her wedding just to steal your birthday date for her wedding?

I can't believe you sent that. Cue a family falling out and I don't think that many will be on your side

Am a little stunned you sent that too.

Much as it sounds likes future SIL is being an arse (and I would definitely consider that it wasn't a suitable date to plan my wedding for), a wedding trumps a 'significant' birthday.

Can't believe your brother would agree to that date. No way do you plan your wedding for an immediate family members birthday.

But at the same time I hope you two have a good relationship which includes 'jokes' like your txt, otherwise that was a dick move. Obviously not as large as his, but two wrongs and all that.

SIL sounds like a bitch, you don't send a save the date card until you've confirmed a booking, it is to give your guests a chance to keep the date free, as invites go out much closer to the event and people could then be booked to do other stuff. sounds deliberate to me, I'd either say your party is that date so you won't be free, or say how wonderful it can be a joint event!!!, bet that will go down well!!

I was all set to say YANBU it was a bit odd, especially as they hadn't booked anywhere, and then I saw the response you sent! Really?! You're going to cause a big family argument.

Ha Ha that text message is fantastic. Even if they don't change the date you could have some real fun with this. Start sending them loads of links to crazy venues and suggest crazy birthday wedding themes. If you can't beat them then piss them off!

Also send pictures of joint birthday/wedding cake ideas

I don't agree that a wedding trumps a significant birthday. After all, you can get married anytime - a birthday is rather less flexible.
If they wanted to get married on your birthday, the polite thing is to check with you first, esp as they know you have plans.

Yay! Let's wreck the preparation for someone's (hopefully) one and only wedding, just to be passive aggressive because it falls on someone's birthday. Y'know, the things that fall once every year.

Why does the SIL sound like a bitch?

It's perfectly possible that a whole month ago, during a family meal, they forgot the OP mentioned she was planning a party. Or even that her next birthday contains a 0.

All this could be sorted with a telephone conversation instead of passive aggressive messages and a thread on a public internet forum.

It's mad

Oh don't be so sanctimonious Paul

And the OP isn't causing family arguments, the B&G have set this in motion really.

I think people are often encouraged to suck up bad behaviour, in order to avoid conflict, which is how other people get away with behaving like twats, so much of the time.

I don't think it is sanctimonious to say it's a dick move to try wrecking the fun someone might have planning their wedding, all because it falls on your birthday. In fact I think it's just common decency to think it's a dick move.

It doesnt just fall on her birthday - that was a deliberate choice

And we know that how? Because the op says? How do we know they hadn't started planning already and that's the date that fits for their venue? I know plenty of people who kept wedding plans quiet until they were well underway, which could be what's happening here.

I'm with pp who say SIL is a bitch, she knew what you were planning and has done it on purpose to spoil it for you.

Your brother must be a massive bell end as well, all the days in the year and he thinks it ok to get married on that one...

I dont think it is 'wrecking the fun someone might have planning their wedding'. They can still plan their wedding and have lots if fun doing so. Maybe just not on that one particular day of the whole year though eh?

Of course she's likely to cause a family argument.

And even the OP doesn't know it was a 'deliberate' choice.

For goodness sake, she just needs to speak to them.

Once she's done that, she'll know whether the SIL was being a bitch (assuming it was her who chose the date).

Wow I was set to say YANBU but that text was a twattish thing to send, and thinking about it I really don't think that they chose that date just to spite you.

This could cause a massive row.

Even so Paul.

If either of them actually gave a shit, they'd have approached the OP ago- or at least at the time she mentioned her party- to explain the double booking and apologise.

It's either selfish and inconsiderate- or out and out spite.

It is Orange when you send messages like the op did and night do things like cunty suggested just to piss them off.