significant birthday

[penguinfan]

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

Have done the "grown up" thing and phoned my brother. He has explained that although the wedding isn't officially booked, that is the date they are keen on and when I mentioned about my party last month, sis in law panicked. The save the date card was to warn me that they are planning on getting married that day so I wouldn't book for my party. He admits they should've spoken to me about it but apparently sis in law feels intimidated by me?? They are working to quite a tight budget and obviously things are much cheaper in March than in June or July. They can hire a marquee for half the price and friends of theirs are available to cater the event and will be charging them a lot less than what they should as a sort of wedding gift to them. I've told him it's all fine, my text message was tongue in cheek to remind him of my plans and I would never have really gone ahead with a joint party. He has said depending on numbers, I'm more than welcome to invite a few friends of mine and my son can also bring a friend to the evening party. They are seeing the vicar this weekend to confirm the date. On another note, when talking to a close friend about this, she has suggested a girly weekend away instead of a party so now we are looking for a break away the weekend after the wedding to somewhere warm and sunny.

Thank you to everyone for your advice and kind words. There are a lot of keyboard warriors on this site who could argue black was white just for a laugh, but these issues are people's lives, no matter how petty they may come across. No one should feel bullied or victimised when asking for help or advice.

Have done the "grown up" thing and phoned my brother. He has explained that although the wedding isn't officially booked, that is the date they are keen on and when I mentioned about my party last month, sis in law panicked. The save the date card was to warn me that they are planning on getting married that day so I wouldn't book for my party. He admits they should've spoken to me about it but apparently sis in law feels intimidated by me?? They are working to quite a tight budget and obviously things are much cheaper in March than in June or July. They can hire a marquee for half the price and friends of theirs are available to cater the event and will be charging them a lot less than what they should as a sort of wedding gift to them. I've told him it's all fine, my text message was tongue in cheek to remind him of my plans and I would never have really gone ahead with a joint party. He has said depending on numbers, I'm more than welcome to invite a few friends of mine and my son can also bring a friend to the evening party. They are seeing the vicar this weekend to confirm the date. On another note, when talking to a close friend about this, she has suggested a girly weekend away instead of a party so now we are looking for a break away the weekend after the wedding to somewhere warm and sunny.

Thank you to everyone for your advice and kind words. There are a lot of keyboard warriors on this site who could argue black was white just for a laugh, but these issues are people's lives, no matter how petty they may come across. No one should feel bullied or victimised when asking for help or advice.

Smarter

Are you seriously that obtuse? There are no fucking wedding plans.

Get off your high horse. You sound deranged, not sane.

I'm glad you've sorted things with your brother op. I apologise if you feel victimised but a lot of us were genuinely trying to stop the truly awful advice some people gave you, purely so they could have some amusement on the internet. They were egging you on to do a couple of things that would have made your relationship with your brother very bad. In any case, none of that matters now as things are sorted. Good luck for the future!

Second the thoughts of Paul Anka - glad it's all turned out OK - isn't it amazing what happens when people just TALK to each other like grown ups and say what they feel instead of feeling slighted and being passive aggressive

And I mean that in general on threads overall not specifically you OP

No one should feel bullied or victimised when asking for help or advice

And the advice given should not be TO bully and victimise the other party, in this case the brother and his girlfriend.
Some people treat these things like an interactive soap opera, gleefully pushing the person looking for advice into making the situation far worse, just so they can follow the thread and gain enjoyment from it. It's a bit sick.

I'm glad it's sorted OP and you're feeling positive about it al. Did your brother give any reason why it is that one particular date I march they're keen on?

Also I hope the other guests they sent save the date cards to know it was a "provisional save the date".

All the best and I hope your relationship with your DB is OK.

Well done Penguin. I really genuinely hope you have a fantastic birthday weekend away. And I hope some people on both sides of this thread learn to chill out a bit. Some of the comments to you and about your situation have been overboard but I'm glad it's all worked out now.

Well done penguin!
Glad it's sorted. Now enjoy your birthday and the wedding!

OP
I haven't read many posts on this apart from yours so I don't know what the thread has degenerated into - I addressed a couple of people who seemed to be reading another thread, then I nearly removed it because I thought you were being attacked so much you wouldn't come back.

I'm glad you did come back and update us.

that said, it does seem very apparent to me that your SIL to be has done this on purpose. Are you happy with your brother's explanation? Even if it's coming from a place of insecurity, it needs to be tackled.

It looks like you are happy to leave things as they are to keep the peace, but unless you're okay with her behaving like this in future, I would be having a further chat with them. So convenient that she gets to have a 10th, 20th wedding anniversary on your next landmark birthdays.

Anyway, I hope you have a terrific time on your landmark birthday - I just had one last year and it was grand Enjoy.

Lorelei9here

Thank you xx