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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

significant birthday

363 replies

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 10:20

So last month it was my birthday, the one before a big significant #0. Had a meal for family. My brother and his fiancé were there and I mentioned that next years birthday was the big one and as it is going to fall on a Saturday I'm planning on throwing a big party. I don't really get on great with future sis in law. Always feel like she looks down her nose at me as I'm a single mum. Any hoo.... Fast forward to today and I've just received a save the date card for their wedding... For the date I want to throw my party on!!! Aibu to feel she has done this on purpose?? I'm really upset that my special birthday will now be overshadowed by their wedding!

OP posts:

Original poster

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 12:16

He's replied.

It's not good.

Basically sis in law was raised in a tiny but well to do village and is named after her local church. The wedding is booked for the day of my birthday at this church and the reception/evening do is being held in the grounds of her family home. Brother has said that we will not be having a joint celebration and it is inappropriate to ask to invite my friends. He said it was the only date the church had free for their wedding and as I had nothing definite planned for my birthday they went ahead and booked.

OP posts:

Wombat87 · 13/04/2016 12:16

This sounds nasty :( and like she's trying to find an excuse to never attend a birthday of yours again.

If they go ahead on this date, the year before your next 'big 0' birthday send some invites for a massive party with all family and friends. Book somewhere and make a big party of it. Should coincide nicely with their 10th wedding anniversary

PommelandCantle · 13/04/2016 12:18

Well, your first post made me thing your SIL was being a bitch.
Your second post made me thing your brother will say Fuck off, its our wedding.

We got married on my MiL birthday as that was the only date available etc etc. She ruined the day for me and my first anniversary. Not because she did anything on the day, she didn't, but because she moaned at my new DH that we hadn't made a fuss of her. Cue huge apologies to her from DH and 1st anniversary was all about her birthday as we couldn't ruin it two years in a row. Since that day I haven't given a flying fuck about her birthday or my anniversary.

And whilst I get your big birthday is important to you, some people aren't bothered about birthdays and will think their wedding is far more important.

Book your big bash whilst they are on honeymoon so they can't come

IlikePercyPig · 13/04/2016 12:19

To be fair OP, how did you expect it to go?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 13/04/2016 12:19

What else did you expect him to say?!

PommelandCantle · 13/04/2016 12:19

cross posted. I see their point.

I stand by my last point above

superwormissuperstrong · 13/04/2016 12:20

It's a bit silly to do a save the date if no venue chosen or booked yet.
So assuming brother and sil are nice they will be mortified and will change their date.
If actually they are not nice and doing this to make a point then they will be outraged and insist you change your party. So I would do it on the Friday night (and I would be tempted to spend loads on a great band, plenty of free booze and what a lovely chance for family to get together before the wedding the next day)

witsender · 13/04/2016 12:20

How do you know it was deliberate? She may well have not paid much heed to you as it is just a birthday. Similarly, they may have already had the date in mind a month ago.

I can't believe you sent that text, couldn't you just phone or whatever and talk like adults?

witsender · 13/04/2016 12:21

Can you see now that they weren't being unreasonable and that you actually look like a bit of a dick?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/04/2016 12:21

Well that sounds fair enough to me. Close links to the community, family held reception, only date the church had available. Doesn't exactly sound like the making of an uber bitch, out to make the OP's life a living hell. Just a couple who took the opportunity to book their wedding in the venue they wanted, when it was available.

IlikePercyPig · 13/04/2016 12:22

And it sounds as though it's booked and the OP was a dick for no reason.

LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:22

I think people are often encouraged to suck up bad behaviour, in order to avoid conflict, which is how other people get away with behaving like twats, so much of the time

I so agree with this, you see it on here and in real life so much. "Dont say or do anything - it will cause a family row" type thing.

superwormissuperstrong · 13/04/2016 12:22

Just seen your update - say fine your party is the night before and find a great location near the wedding venue...

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 13/04/2016 12:22

Ah they have booked something after all. At least your tried OP. Plan something really fab for the weekend before or after instead maybe?

witsender · 13/04/2016 12:23

Saying something is fine, but that was a twatty PA text. Just have your party a different day surely?

LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:24

Similarly, they may have already had the date in mind a month ago

I dont see my brother that often but I grew up with him and I know his birthday. There's no way on earth if I was getting married (well I am married) I would consider his birthday - there are another 364 days in the year to choose.

IlikePercyPig · 13/04/2016 12:24

Why should the OP continue to be a dick and book a party near the venue FFS, the OP assumed wrongly and she should apologise, not inflame the situation.

LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:24

Similarly, they may have already had the date in mind a month ago

Original poster

penguinfan · 13/04/2016 12:25

I know there's not much I can do but suck it up and move on, but I honestly feel like she has done it on purpose. At my birthday meal they never mentioned anything about setting a date for their wedding. Last year on my sons birthday I held a party for him as it was a big birthday for him. Bro and sis couldn't attend as she was packing for their holiday that they were going on the following week. They didn't send a card as they were too busy!

OP posts:

LagunaBubbles · 13/04/2016 12:25

Oops sorry for double post!

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2016 12:25

That's a totally reasonable explanation then.

Have your party a week before or a week after.

Hope it all goes well, and remember it's really not worth falling out over

PPie10 · 13/04/2016 12:27

superworm that's really stupid advice. Op please don't do that, you would only look spiteful and selfish. It seems as though it's done now, you can't really ask them to change the date. Sorry just seem like one of those awkward situations.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2016 12:27

I know there's not much I can do but suck it up and move on, but I honestly feel like she has done it on purpose.

What? Still

What part of 'only date the church had', do you not understand?

PPie10 · 13/04/2016 12:28

SparklesandBangs · 13/04/2016 12:28

You could always skip the wedding and have your big party with your friends as you had planned. I'd invite relatives too as I think it was deliberate!

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