Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not support my brother dating our cousin?

432 replies

ChickenDrumsticks · 09/04/2016 09:47

My brother has announced he is dating our cousin, and has been for around 3 months. She's Mum's sister's daughter. They have been posting lovey-dovey statuses on Facebook and have (according to mum) got very pissy when people have made criticisms. They both have 2 children from previous partners and are looking at buying a house together.

AIBU to not be supportive of this relationship? The kids are all between 8 and 11 and I worry it could adversely affect them. We live in a small town and it's only a matter of time before their school mates clock on.

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together. The thought of seeing them kiss and cuddle absolutely turns my stomach.

My sister is with me on this, but mum is in denial saying she doesn't see the problem. He hasn't spoken to me directly about it (the announcement was a Facebook post along the lines of "no one has the right to judge us, love conquers all blah blah blah") but if he does I just can't pretend I'm OK with it

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 09/04/2016 09:48

What are your objections?

BaronessBomburst · 09/04/2016 09:49

It's legal.

I don't see the problem really.

Original poster
ChickenDrumsticks · 09/04/2016 09:50

Hmm really? It's incest. There could be complications if they choose to have children. If it was your sibling how would you feel?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDrumsticks · 09/04/2016 09:50

That was to ghosty!

OP posts:
Thebrowntrout · 09/04/2016 09:50

It's their business though really, isn't it?

Refusing to accept them isn't going to help their children or them or your mum - it isn't going to do any good.

YANBU to feel any way you want about it but ultimately there's nothing you can do here.

Thebrowntrout · 09/04/2016 09:51

It's not classes as incest though: it's legal and do they want children?

BrandNewAndImproved · 09/04/2016 09:51

It's legal but I understand your cringe about this.

MrsBruceBogtrotter · 09/04/2016 09:51

YANBU, it's weird as fuck but threads like this on MN always seem to have a prevailing view of 'none of your business, not weird, I know X Y Z people who married their cousin and it turned out fine', etc.

FreeSpirit89 · 09/04/2016 09:52

It's legal, and tbh your objections. Whatever they may be probably say more about you.

It's there life, there choice. You can either accept it or not. That's your choice.

But they may take offence to that and relations will be hard between you and your brother. Also hard on your mother.

ghostyslovesheep · 09/04/2016 09:52

It's not incest! It's legal

MummaV · 09/04/2016 09:52

Legally it's fine.

However, when growing up me and my cousins were similarly close, spending holidays together, very sibling like in closeness, therefore I wouldn't be comfortable if my brother or sister was dating one of our cousins as it would feel wrong because of our relationships growing up, and even now to be honest.

Minniemagoo · 09/04/2016 09:53

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together
No different to marrying the girl next door.
As others have said it's legal and whilst uncommon not unheard of
Sounds like you need to accept their relationship

EatShitDerek · 09/04/2016 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ChickenDrumsticks · 09/04/2016 09:54

t's not classes as incest though: it's legal and do they want children?

He always said he wanted more children after he got divorced. He said he wanted a girlfriend who was a mum so he could have a ready made family - didn't think he'd take it so literally.

OP posts:
Savagebeauty · 09/04/2016 09:55

I think it's weird.

SmallBee · 09/04/2016 09:56

YANBU it would creep me out too.

However your lack of support won't really help anyone, change their minds or make it any better. I think you'd be better off being civil and polite for now or if you can't manage that then maintain a dignified silence.

Stanky · 09/04/2016 09:57

It's a bit weird, but legal. It's up to them.

mudandmayhem01 · 09/04/2016 09:57

Its legal and was very common in the UK in Victorian times. I think is illegal in some us states though. My dc are very close to their cousin and the thought of one of them growing up to have a sexual relationship with that cousin does make me cringe. Unfortunately its none of your business though

EatShitDerek · 09/04/2016 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadTilt · 09/04/2016 09:58

I'd find it a bit weird, but they are adults, it is their business. Common in plenty of cultures and in the UK in the past.

It is my understanding that the genetic risk is only significant where there are multiple generations of inter-cousin reproduction eg the children of cousins marry the children of cousins. A one off blip should be fine. It is their decision to make.

They only been together 3 months so it could all blow over anyway.

Stanky · 09/04/2016 09:59

It's not the first time it's happened, and it won't be the last.

crje · 09/04/2016 09:59

My friends parents are first cousins

I think it's fine and the kids will only be teased if their friends are told it's wrong.

Set a better example by being tolerant even if you can't be happy .

WeAllHaveWings · 09/04/2016 10:01

It's not incest and its legal, they are even allowed to marry.

You need to hold your tongue and wait for it to fizzle out or you learn to accept it. Alternative is harming your relationship with your brother and cousin.

It is a bit icky, but going up against them isn't going to change anything.

mrschatty · 09/04/2016 10:01

As others have said it's legal and very very common in some cultures... id only suggest genetic counselling if they decide to have dc to determine any risks but other than that good on them!

HermioneJeanGranger · 09/04/2016 10:02

You can object all you want, but I think your objections will cause more problems than anything else.

Yes, it's unusual but it's legal so your objections are based on an "eww" factor rather than anything more substantial. I admit I would find it hard to get my head around, but I wouldn't dare say anything to them. It's their business, it's not really anything to do with you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread