To not support my brother dating our cousin?

[ChickenDrumsticks]

My brother has announced he is dating our cousin, and has been for around 3 months. She's Mum's sister's daughter. They have been posting lovey-dovey statuses on Facebook and have (according to mum) got very pissy when people have made criticisms. They both have 2 children from previous partners and are looking at buying a house together.

AIBU to not be supportive of this relationship? The kids are all between 8 and 11 and I worry it could adversely affect them. We live in a small town and it's only a matter of time before their school mates clock on.

We were very close as children and went on holidays etc together. The thought of seeing them kiss and cuddle absolutely turns my stomach.

My sister is with me on this, but mum is in denial saying she doesn't see the problem. He hasn't spoken to me directly about it (the announcement was a Facebook post along the lines of "no one has the right to judge us, love conquers all blah blah blah") but if he does I just can't pretend I'm OK with it

[Branleuse]

i think its completely repulsive. Were they close growing up? Dating a cousin is not that far removed from dating a sibling imo, emotionally, even if not legally

[triceraplops]

It may be legal but it's still faintly revolting. I'm with you OP.

[Birdsgottafly]

As said, there's less chance of birth defects in cousins than women over 38 conceiving (which MN seems to support).

""So marrying your own blood is fine but someone with same genitals is not.""

Humans don't have "our own blood", that's why we can donate to each other. Sibling DNA is often inconclusive, so cousins, even less so, than the general population of a region. This is shown often on, "who do you think you are".

If they were younger and possibly confused, then you'd guide them away, if you were their Parent, or Nan.

Given the age they are and having had children, I do think it's their choice.

Past objections was because marriage was pushed by the family and to guard against grooming. Populations of parts of the US and Pakistan were/are more interlinked, which, as said, caused genetic issues.

People used to think and still do so, that they can call a family situation "fucked up", because it was mixed; heritage/faith, or Blended/Adopted, or disabled people having children.

This really isn't harming anyone and I hope that they have the courage to go NC with anyone who thinks they can tell them how their relationship is.

[Pseudonym99]

Just think - if they get married she'll be your sister in law as well as your cousin!

[SilverBirchWithout]

I don't personally find it weird or distasteful.

It's not surprising cousins would form a relationship and fall in love. They have shared experiences, values and upbringings - it would be odd if they didn't have a deep bond.

I guess for some people, relating to it through their own experiences, it feels yucky to feel a sexual attraction to a 'close' family member. But it is their choice not yours, so how you would feel in their situation is not relevant.

The way I can relate to it is; my BF as a child was literally the boy who lived next door, as we grew older we were in the same group of friends at secondary school. When I was about 17 he confessed he had always been a bit in love with me and tried to kiss me. I was frankly repulsed as he was like a brother to me. Years later, now we have lost contact, I sometimes wonder whether he actually was 'the one' who was meant for me and I feel a bit wistful about missing an opportunity to find out.

Although, oddly enough I had a massive crush on my second cousin who we saw less often, about 4 or 5 times a year.

We are all different, some people (not me btw) find homosexuality 'weird and disgusting'', fortunately the majority of people realise these feelings are not appropriate and respect people's right to desire, and love whoever they choose (as long as it is not illegal or harming anyone else).'

[Pseudonym99]

And if they have kids they will be your nephew / neices as well as cousins first removed...

[AntiquityReRises]

Yes it's legal.

Yes it's weird etc.

What are the ultimate consequences you're willing to put up with? If you don't want to lose family or lose contact with/punish those children then it's going to be a case of put up and shut up. Certainly a relationship which has a lot of adversity can drive them closer in a them against the world/they don't understand our love kind of way.

[AimUnder]

I don't think it's weird at all. I know plenty of people married to cousins. It's completely normal in some cultures.

[SilverBirchWithout]

BF = best friend not boy friend in my above post.

[Kaddy]

INDEPENDENT ARTICLE HERE

I'm surprised people are dismissing the % increase of genetic issues for babies born to first cousins as nothing much to worry about even a small % increase is significant.

[WaitrosePigeon]

Might be legal but it's still very odd and would make me feel very uncomfortable.

[AlpacaPicnic]

I can't think of any objection - two adults who are legally entitled to be in a relationship have fallen in love and are making each other happy.

I would be delighted for them.

[Hulababy]

Didn't we have a very similar situation in a thread on here once before? Think that was very split.

It is legal and it isn't incest in England.
Yes, depending on families, it could feel very strange and rather too close for comfort.

[ChickenDrumsticks]

Why? Why would he specifically want a woman with children when he already has two of his own?

He wants a ready made family apparently

Also to the person who said, I'm not trying to turn my mum against him. What an odd thing to say.

If it makes me judgemental then so be it - it gives me the creeps and I can't be happy for them. I just hope he doesn't ask me my thoughts as I'm a shit liar.

And I agree the FB thing is childish, but he is despite being 34. Lives his life on Facebook.

Aside from it being weird, they have been going out for 3 months and are looking at living together. It's too soon. His (now ex) wife was someone he met on FB, got engaged after 3 weeks, married 2 months later and she was pregnant a week after the wedding (they had been trying since they got engaged ). We all had to act surprised when his DTs were around 6 months and they split up. He and his ex have a very toxic relationship and he puts it down to her being 'a psycho' without acknowledging the fact that they moved too fast. He's reckless and never learns. If this relationship blows up, it will not be nice for the rest of the family.

[NickiFury]

I'd be surprised by this but not aggressively denouncing it as odd, weird, strange, unacceptable etc. it's legal and not really any of your business. If you've got a problem with it then that's your problem.

[ChickenDrumsticks]

I would be delighted for them.

Would you also be delighted for the mother and son who've been in the paper who have a sexual relationship - bit of back story, she had him young and he was adopted by someone else, 2 years ago they reconnected and are now lovers. Because she didn't raise him they don't see it as incest.

[LanaorAna1]

Two of my cousins married, and it was fine. It's not incest by a long shot. There's only a genetic problem if your family goes on doing it generation after generation, breeding and refining any trouble in.

That's what happened to the European royals and haemophilia, famously. A one-off doesn't make any difference normally.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

It really is none of your business tbh. They are both adults, doing something perfectly legal.

[Sallystyle]

It is legal yes, but I think I would feel the same way as you.

I look at my cousins and I grew up with them, had family get togethers with them and they just feel like, well... family. Not people who could ever be potential intimate partners.

However, I wouldn't say a thing to them and I would wish them well, but it would make me a little uneasy.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

The situation isn't comparable with the mother and son. That relationship is incest, your brother's isn't.

[Fyaral]

Not a problem. My great aunt and uncle were first cousins and their children are all professors, lawyers and doctors.

[Kennington]

It may well be legal - due to the royal family doing t for years, but they are putting their potential children at a much higher risk of a genetic condition. Some of which aren't so bad but others can be devastating on them and their children.
My husband and I had genetic testing as I have a gene for a disorder which results in a very early death and very nasty symptoms prior to this.
It is rather naive of them at least.

[AlpacaPicnic]

Would you also be delighted for the mother and son who've been in the paper who have a sexual relationship - bit of back story, she had him young and he was adopted by someone else, 2 years ago they reconnected and are now lovers. Because she didn't raise him they don't see it as incest.

I see what you mean, those two situations are absolutely identical

I would just leave them both alone. You don't need to support them, but it's really none of your business.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

This isn't the same situation as that at all

[AdrenalineFudge]

That particular story in the press is stomach churning.

Tbh your brother sounds like a bit of a car crash regardless: met 1st wife on Fb, engagement, twins, now with cousin. You really couldn't make it up.