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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

239 replies

BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 12:17

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

OP posts:
milkbottle · 27/03/2016 12:23

As a fussy eater I'd love to be asked to chose the restaurant! But you sound like you are being particularly horrible to them about it, so I can understand why they are upset about it. People can't really help being fussy eaters - I'd love to be able to eat anything and everything, but I just can't.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/03/2016 12:25

I'm going to sit on the fence and get splinters in my arse here Grin

It's not very fair of you to want to go to a Japanese place when you know they won't eat / enjoy it. Equally, you'd have a miserable time if they were complaining. So although you're asking if they should pick the restaurant, you don't actually want to go where they will pick.

If there's a group of you, unfortunately you have to work with what everyone is happy with - even if that includes lukewarm chicken.

That said, my DH is a fucking nightmare of a fussy eater. He's awful. But if there's somewhere I've mentioned that I fancy trying out, he will look up the menu in advance, and will happily ask for slight adaptions (like no sauce) in a restaurant so that I don't get bored shitless.

gentlydownthestreammm · 27/03/2016 12:27

YANBU, except the 'and somewhere that is not a shit restaurant' clause as it is a bit subjective.

It sounds really annoying though.

Bailey101 · 27/03/2016 12:33

I don't think you're being mean at all - why should you have to make loads of extra effort to pander to someone else's fussiness? If they don't like your suggestions, they should go to the trouble of finding somewhere acceptable.

Lurkedforever1 · 27/03/2016 12:33

Actually, I think if everyone else wants to go to a certain place, fussy eaters should just suck it up and make do with a few side dishes if necessary.

We aren't vegan or vegetarian, but very particular about how animal produce is raised, so often have difficulty finding meals in restaurants. Same for vegan/ vegetarian/ food intolerant people I know. Great if there is one that suits everyone, but if not what we do is accept it's our problem, rather than thinking our needs trump everyone else's.

Original poster
BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 12:36

I haven't been at all horrible to them, I've suggested it might be easier for them if they picked somewhere where they were happy to eat and we'd fit round them. But one in particular has taken umbrage with this. Apparently someone else should do the running.

The rest of us are fairly flexible and will eat just about anywhere. I'll even suck it up and eat lukewarm chicken dinner if I have to. I'd never book somewhere where they couldn't eat anything, we've spent years making sure the restaurant can do a plain chicken breast with plain vegetables. (I'm going to try and sneak in a visit to the Japanese place before we come home.)

Is THE shit restaurant we want to avoid, not A shit restaurant, as in the one that was shit last time. (Poor service, run out of loads of things despite it being early, forgot two meals etc.)

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 27/03/2016 12:36

I agree with some aspects of both the above posts.

if I could choose then it would be much easier!

I don't know why everyone can't compromise some fussy' are terrible but then so are people who don't get it!

You sound like your fed up so you've stopped being nice. they sound like they might need to look at my solution of picking starters as mains and bread (sometimes)

Iv been at places where Iv literally had to pick things out of my meal because the people around me made it seem like I was making a huge deal (what did they think would happen if the insisted on a seafood place that didn't have a vege option) in this example had I known I would have been happy to have missed that night out but no lets get her here in secret then turn it on her when she can't eat it!

I know I have issues with food but also know that's not anyone else's fault I generally try to fit in and find somthing on a menu even if it's 2 starters as a main.

Most places are fine and actually I never go home having ate nothing!

Princesspeach1980 · 27/03/2016 12:40

You should try booking a meal with my extended family! One autistic with huge food issues, 2 with food intolerance, one diabetic and 2 more picky eaters (I'm one of them)!

Indecisiveismymiddlename · 27/03/2016 12:41

I don't think this is the group to try out the new Japanese restaurant with - go there on another night.

No option for somewhere with a nice carvery? As that sounds like what the fussy eaters will eat.

curren · 27/03/2016 12:44

Yanbu. They can't expect all their needs accommodated and not put the work in.

I have allergies, one which would put me in hospital. I would never ask someone to check out the restaurant and I have never refused to go somewhere. There is always something I can have.

I would be more than happy to sort the restaurant out of people were accommodating my needs.

I have nothing against fussy eaters. But I do when they expect everyone else to do all the leg work and won't do any themselves.

BillSykesDog · 27/03/2016 12:44

Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

This. Do this.

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2016 12:47

YANBU to suggest they get together and book it, because why does it always have to be down to you anyway?

However, I think it's weird to spend years with this problem, rather than just sort out a gathering that doesn't involve eating food.

sooperdooper · 27/03/2016 12:49

Yanbu, it makes sense for the fussy eaters to suggest where to eat and I wouldn't want to spend ages trying to accommodate them

I find fussy eaters irritating at the best of times - Id want to go to thd Japanese place too!

TheStoic · 27/03/2016 12:51

I would absolutely make them let them choose.

They're the fussy ones, why should you have to do all the brain work?

BillSykesDog · 27/03/2016 12:51

No option for somewhere with a nice carvery? As that sounds like what the fussy eaters will eat.

Carveries are a bit crappy though, especially every time.

Chorltonswheelies422 · 27/03/2016 12:56

No don't do it but completely get your frustration.

I have strict rules- our family only tends to go out en masse if it's a celebration. if we are going out to celebrate a birthday, anniversary or promotion - then the person of the moment gets to choose where THEY want to go and every other bugger just makes the best of it to make it a happy occasion for them. When it's their celebration, they can choose.

And I am a fussy eater myself

MrsMushrooms · 27/03/2016 12:57

It sounds like the problem isn't so much that they're fussy eaters, as there's so many of them which extends the fussiness! Nobody's fault so definitely no need to be upset by it, but it does sound reasonable to ask them to come up with some suggestions

notquitehuman · 27/03/2016 12:59

Just go somewhere with a kids menu. Make them all have chicken nuggets and chips. They sound bloody exhausting.

Ifailed · 27/03/2016 13:00

Betty, why do you need to book somewhere? If I was spending my own money and time on a meal, I'd make sure it was something I'd enjoy - sounds like this lot are a miserable bunch of whingers. Leave them to it, go to the Japanese place and meet them afterwards.

Pinkheart5915 · 27/03/2016 13:00

I don't think your being mean, all you are doing is saying that as they are very fussy about what they eat it is easier if they book somewhere otherwise you are calling places asking if there we've X,y,z then communicating back and then have to call the next place.

It makes a lot of sense for the fussy eaters to pick the place

OneLove10 · 27/03/2016 13:01

Yanbu, fussy idiots need to just suck it up. This pandering to all sorts of ridiculousness just encourages them further. Ask them to pick the restaurant or tough luck.

Trills · 27/03/2016 13:02

YANBU to expect them to do the legwork sometimes.

Floggingmolly · 27/03/2016 13:04

I wonder why people with such (self) limited food choices bother eating out regularly anyway? Are you committed to having them every time, op?
I'd see no reason why you couldn't try the new Japanese place by yourselves.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/03/2016 13:04

Yanbu. Presumably they don't want to do the legwork because it is hard work? Well they made it hard work so hard luck.

MTPurse · 27/03/2016 13:07

People can't really help being fussy eaters

Yes they can, they are not complaining due to allergies etc.

I'm no help op as I can not abide fussy adults when it comes to food but you are in now way being mean or unreasonable. Personally I would just plan the meal out and if the come the come, if they don't they don't.