To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

[BettyBusStop]

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

ld just fucking stay at home' - well yeah, but, when you've spent the past few days psyching yourself up to go in the first place because you don't really want to let yet another friend down for their special occasion yet again,it's better if you can stay and are made to feel like people want you there.

I get the impression from the OP that these people aren't genuinely agonising over
it, or that they care that their fussiness is letting people down. So I stand by what I said.

I don't think anyone is dismissing sensory processing disorder either, just fussiness for the sake of it.

manicinsomniac, my son is like you and we've taught him to handle it the way it sounds like you do: order what he can and don't make a fuss. I think that's absolutely fine. If people have an issue with what he eats or doesn't, then it's their issue, not his! His responsibility ends at being polite and not causing drama.

My other son has a life threatening food allergy and does avoid restaurants where the food is endemic as he's had severe reactions from trace amounts, but that's something different. If anyone has an issue with that, fuck 'em, they're not really worth knowing much less having a meal with.

HA. My sister was nineteen before she at ANYTHING that wasn't a nugget, a potato, toast or a glass of milk. Growing up with that in restaurants was mortifying, and made worse by my mother fussing and flapping over her (FFS).

The only reason she actually broke was because she was on holiday and a young chap took her out on a date... to a Mexican restaurant, and she didn't want to look stupid trying to negotiate plain chicken n' chips/boiled potatoes. I laughed really hard when they told me.

In fact mil is an attention seeker in restaurants. Dh refuses to go for meals with her.

She makes a huge fuss about being. Vegetarian and making sure what she orders has no animal stock etc. Even if it's marketed as vegetarian. However she does eat meat at home. Not everyday, but does it. There is no reason for her to check all the details of a meal.

We have never been out with her without her making a complaint as she didn't enjoy her meal. She can never put her finger on something particular that is wrong, she just doesn't like it.

Dh won't invite her if we are going out and fil won't go out with her either. Sil (her dd) arranged a particular meal for, her when sil got married. Again vegetarian. She had a full English in the hotel that morning. Including bacon and sausages.

I realise that my post isn't very nice, but my sister is the world's biggest attention seeker, and I was amused by it backfiring on her in that fashion. (bad person)

Go to the Japanese place. They can have the plain boiled rice.

If you really didn't want to let yet another friend down for their special occasion yet again, you would remember that it's not actually all about you and you'd eat a salad or plate of chips without fanfare.

I don't mean to be rude, but my mind is absolutely boggling at the concept of a head chef who won't eat garlic, mustard, vinegar or mayonnaise.

The only thing that annoys me more than this is when you have fussy eaters as house guests.

Last night I cooked four dinners for eight people.

curren - no, I know attention seekers exist, of course. I just usually think of people wanting attention for things that are generally seen as good or enviable (bragging about their children's successes, their holidays or their house for example), not for negative things like being a 'fussy' eater. But fair enough, I don't disbelieve you, there are clearly adults that do this - but I find it really bizarre.

raffles - fair enough, I totally get the feeling of wasting huge amounts of money on something you are cutting right back or only tolerating. Sounds like you cook very well at home, anyway.

tharsheblows - it does seem to work as a strategy. Nobody appears to get annoyed. Or else I've just got the most polite and tolerant friends and family in the world!

But fair enough, I don't disbelieve you, there are clearly adults that do this - but I find it really bizarre.

so do I. Since u have so many food allergies I don't get why someone would seek attention for not eating something. But they do.

Some people attention seek by bragging, talking about positive things.

Some people seek attention by using negative behaviours. Unfortunately.

Last night I cooked four dinners for eight people.

More fool you! I'd serve up one dinner but with its elements in separate, serve-yourself bowls. Anyone who couldn't bring themselves to eat any of it would be welcome to order a takeaway/go out/go hungry.

Fortunately I don't have anyone as house guests who are this tedious.

As a fussy eater, I have a complete aversion to some types of food - it is a deep-seated psychological issue, and I think the "go out/go hungry" argument often overlooks the problems some of us genuinely have.

I've made a conscious choice over meals with friends or family: it's just something I don't do. The attitude of nosey bastards about what I chose to eat, or not, coupled with those who sneer about it being tedious has put me off for life. Equally, I'm happy just to order a side with some water, I'm not the one making the issue of it - sadly, too many people can't help but poke their oar in (wait staff too).

Agree with Cats - it's not helpful (either to those with a genuine issue or those seeking attention) to make a big stupid fuss about what others are eating ("But why are you only eating bread? Can't you try just a little bit?")

I've also never understood why people say it is a form of attention seeking. Who would deliberately paint themselves as a childish pain in the butt?
Because they don't think it does...they think it makes them seem special and important. They like the fact that the event ends up being dominated by them and their special, important issue.

I'm a very fussy eater too. There are lots of foods I can't eat because of taste/texture issues, and things like needing foods to be 'separate' so not liking sauces or dressings. It's very possibly an ASD thing, but as I don't have a formal diagnosis I'd never use that as an explanation in person.

Mostly, I just avoid going out to eat, or dining at other people's houses. Socialising is draining anyway without having to worry about people thinking my preferences are childish/attention-seeking/whatever. I do sometimes try new foods, but I do that at home, where I have control over it, and being presented with a disliked food, or an unfamiliar one (in case I disliked it) in a social situation would make me anxious and worried. So I only ever go out with immediate family, who I know won't judge me for just ordering chips, plain rice, or a bowl from the salad bar. I used to feel very embarrassed about it all, but as I've gotten older, I'm less insecure about my idiosyncrasies.

Of course, now sometimes people are upset that I'm declining to attend their social event or celebration, so I can't win, really.

P.s My dh is a fussy eater, but would never complain about an event or someone else's choice in eatery. He quietly makes do like an adult.
I have known other fussy eaters who won't make do like an adult, but must have a hoo-ha in which they and their preferences are made a feature of. In every instance they attention seek in other ways as well.

I think the OP is perfectly reasonable.

No way if my sister choose we end up at harvester every single time

have enjoyed this thread but think your friends and family are light weights in the fussiness league. I have endured fussy eaters where they expect you to find that elusive restaurant that caters for all their tastes but then when you do they throw the following:
Can't eat in any licensed restaurant due to previous alcohol problems
Don't just not like fish but can't eat in any restaurant that serves it/no-one on my table must order it.
Ooh that restaurant is too expensive - wetherspoons does a similar meal for half the price
Can't eat before 8 pm/after 7 pm
Don't want to go to that place - worried about parking the car - not safe/limited parking close to restaurant

I am fussy, I would not want to eat chips from a chip shop.

I like chips from the Chinese though.

YANBU OP

I also never make a fuss when I'm invited out. I find something I can eat or go without.

I am getting much better now with age but I don't enjoy being fussy, it's embarrassing and I feel like I miss out on a lot. I try to blend it so it goes unnoticed as I don't want people to talk about it or make an issue out of it.

Somethings I just can't eat or I will gag on them or throw up. It's not fun and not something I want to attention seek about.

BIL is fussy in an attention seeking way. He eats meat but no red meat and is religious so certain meats are a no no.

The easiest solution for him is to eat vegetarian meals when he is out. That way he doesn't have to worry about hidden ingredients or stock or whatever. We live in London, so all restaurants have veggie options nowadays but every time DH and I book a restaurant for us all there's a right song and dance about whether BIL can eat there.

Unfortunately for him, I am vegetarian! So when PIL and BIL start with their "oh dear, but can BIL eat there?!" tripe, I just pipe up with "well I can..." takes the wind right out of his sails

I haven't yet had the delights of cooking for him. Doubtless he will moan before, during and after the meal.

The suggestion of Nandos has made me laugh. Long and hollowly. I have been to Nandos with one of them before, I think they might have had some chips, but then again possibly not due to the seasoning. Chicken was out because they couldn't guarantee it would be cooked on a part of the grill that hadn't ever been contaminated by any sauce.

We have slight progress though, apparently there is a nice pub that does a good Sunday lunch as well as exotic items such as gammon and pineapple. It's not a harvester and the reviews are ok so I've suggested they book it. The puddings look ok, if nowt else.

Just leave it up to them from now on. I can't abide fussy eaters and generally suggest doing something that doesn't involve eating.