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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

239 replies

BettyBusStop · 27/03/2016 12:17

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

OP posts:
OneLove10 · 27/03/2016 13:09

My Dh is diabetic, a few food intolerances as well and he never has a problem finding something to eat. I find his quiet way going about it, people actually want to cater to him. No one likes those ones who make a huge song and dance about things like this. He would hate for everyone else to change plans just because of him.

tiggytape · 27/03/2016 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OneLove10 · 27/03/2016 13:12

Tiggy do you think people should write off a place completely because everything on that menu wouldn't agree to the taste/texture issue they have? That's just ridiculous that you can't find one thing on a menu that would suit you .

derxa · 27/03/2016 13:13

What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place Go on then! I must have led a very restricted life because I've never met these legions of fussy eaters that exist on MN.
Why do you go out to eat with these people? It sounds like torture.

curren · 27/03/2016 13:15

I am not convinced everyone who is a fussy eater, is that fussy.

Some like the Attention and makes sure everyone knows there is nothing that they can eat.

Besides which, if the can't help it they should offer to do at least some of the leg work. Why should someone else do all the work, looking into it the menu and trying to remember what everyone else can and can't eat? Wether they can help it or not.

The choice I would give them is either sort it themselves or 'we are going to X place, if you don't want to come that's fine'

lalalalyra · 27/03/2016 13:22

YANBU

My DD has multiple allergies, which isn't the same as fussy, but has the same impact on eating out choices. I always work out the places she can go and would never dream of expecting someone else to do the menu scouring or phone calling. However, DH's admittedly fussy cousin expects to be invited and the person doing the inviting to have done all the checking. IMO she's very rude. Funnily enough she finds something on the menu when we go and she has a choice of coming to our choice and making do or missing out.

(I'm not a complete cow - if she had anything other than attentionseekingitis I'd be more helpful, but she's a pita as her fussing changes depending on her mood so when she decided she couldn't stand the texture of fish anymore (for example) it took somewhere we'd gone for years out of choices. When her friends were going there she 'managed' to find something ragher than miss out.)

gamerchick · 27/03/2016 13:26

Throw the place you want to go to on the table, say that's where you are going and those who want to join you let yo know. The rest can sort themselves out and you can all meet afterwards.

Job done.

imeatingthechocolate · 27/03/2016 13:28

im gluten intolerant everywhere i go they can usually throw me together a salad or a jacket potato

manicinsomniac · 27/03/2016 13:28

I think it depends. Some may appreciate it. It would add to my stress.

I'm so 'fussy' that I have to kno and trust people really well before I can face the idea of going out for a meal with them. It's certainly not an easy and relaxed social situation for me. So, if I also felt that I was constraining the eating options of everyone else by picking a restaurant that was easier for me rather than what everyomight enjoy then 'd fnd it even harder.

My coping mechanism is to check the menu online if possible, find something that works or that I can alter as little as possible and then keep quiet. If there's nothing (Indian or Chinese for example) then I will either fin an excuse to go or just get a drink. People who know me well know not to comment on whaever I do or don't do.

I'd be so embarrassed by being asked to pick and made a special fuss of.

Bunbaker · 27/03/2016 13:28

I think it is a perfectly reasonable request to ask the fussy eaters to pick the venue. Surely, that way everyone will find something they can eat.

It's a no brainier really. What is their problem with that?

littleleftie · 27/03/2016 13:29

Why is it always you who has to do the booking? I used to fall into this trap and it was a bloody thankless task.

Not any more, I sit back and let someone else do all the organising.

And if I don't like it I just eat chips! Grin

OnlyLovers · 27/03/2016 13:29

I think the fussy eaters, if they really can't bring themselves to eat anything off a menu, should stay at fucking home.

I can't abide adult fussy eaters. They need to grow up, IMO.

Having said that, are they adults? Not liking anything 'that looks funny' sounds more like a child.

LastInTheQueue · 27/03/2016 13:30

YANBU and itching you're completely right - if what you are proposing doesn't meet their needs/wants, then they should look for somewhere that does.

I'm the supposed "fussy" eater in my family, as I'm a vegetarian bordering on vegan. My family are very considerate of this, but I do ask them to choose whatever place they want, as I always find something on the menu to suit me. In fact, I quite enjoy having a meal of just "sides" as I get a lot more options that way 😁

LastInTheQueue · 27/03/2016 13:30

Not itching! That should be "in fact"

IsmellSwell · 27/03/2016 13:32

Take the whole lot of them to the chip shop.

Every fussy eater I've ever come across always eats chips.
They're never fussy when it comes to chips.
Funny that.

BankWadger · 27/03/2016 13:32

No.

We have one at work. Most work nights out end up eating at Whetherspoons, where the food is shit and the atmosphere non existent.

IsmellSwell · 27/03/2016 13:34

I think the fussy eaters, if they really can't bring themselves to eat anything off a menu, should stay at fucking home.

Grin
GinandJag · 27/03/2016 13:34

OP, they'd probably find something else to moan about.

Places like Slug and Lettuce are great for catering to a wide variety of tastes.

MTPurse · 27/03/2016 13:42

I think the fussy eaters, if they really can't bring themselves to eat anything off a menu, should stay at fucking home.

OnlyLovers I completely agree, the fact they want to be part of the whatever it is going on celebration, they need to grow the fuck up and stop attention seeking, that to me is what it is, complete attention seeking.

Someone said unthread that it is akin to sensory disorder, I disagree completely.

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2016 13:44

I have a couple of food intolerances and am also slightly fussy, which can very occasionally make ordering tricky. I'll always look at menus first and, if necessary, call ahead for clarification. I'd be quite happy to be the one choosing, booking and checking.

It's obviously more practical for the person who knows the ins and outs of what's ok to be the one looking at menus and asking about mushrooms.

I wouldn't be happy to go to a seafood restaurant at all because I have to avoid shellfish and would have to avoid every dish in case of stock and garnishes.

Being a fussy eater isn't necessarily deliberately being an arse. Unfortunately though there are many twattish arseholes who use fuss about food to get attention.

Pandora2016 · 27/03/2016 13:45

I think you're being perfectly reasonable.

In my family, it's the person whose occasion it is who chooses.

curren · 27/03/2016 13:46

I'd be so embarrassed by being asked to pick and made a special fuss of.

yes but these people are expecting the OP to do the work for them. Sounds like you just fit around it. They aren't embarrassed as long as she is doing all the leg work. And then moan anyway.

I get being embarrassed by it. I am embarrassed about my food allergies and feel like pain. But have never been anywhere I can't find something.

I don't however expect other people to sort me out.

OnlyLovers · 27/03/2016 13:47

MrsH, having to avoid shellfish or whatever because of intolerances isn't the same as just being fussy, though.

Pandora2016 · 27/03/2016 13:47

How about one of those Taybarn type places?

They're shite apparently, but they have a wide choice.

SanityClause · 27/03/2016 13:47

Is the person who won't book also the one who is most vocal in complaining when a restaurant isn't very good? Is this a person that does this about other things? I have an extended family member that is always setting people up for a fall. Some other family members fall for it every time.

Anyhoo, how about this? Why don't you give the three fussy eaters a long list of restaurants and ask them to each come up with three or four suggestions of where they might like to eat, and see if there is any overlap in the suggestions. If the three of them all suggest the same place in their shortlist, then you can book it.