To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

[BettyBusStop]

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

I used to work with someone like this. Can remember her being in tears at a restaurant once....

I have a relative with a severe, life-threatening allergy (complete with epi-pen and have witnessed them being resuscitated before) I have no patience for adults who are fussy to the point that they write-off entire cuisines.

I've also never understood why people say it is a form of attention seeking. Who would deliberately paint themselves as a childish pain in the butt?

because some people are childish pains in the arses.

I worked in a restaurant that could do any of their dishes gluten free. I would say about 80% of people that claimed to coeliac would be seen eating the normal bread or off their partners plate. They chose to eat gluten free but made a huge fuss about making sure their meal was gluten free while eating gluten.

Why not just say can I have the gluten free version. In fact the ones that made the biggest fuss, we're not people who were genuinely coeliac. Coeliac a were far easier to wait on and help order.

With children and distance it really needs to be a day time activity. Or earlyish evening. To be fair to the children they're generally the easiest to accommodate.

Just go for coffee?

Back to chips.

Has anybody else noticed that 99% if 'fussy' eaters are never fussy when it comes to chips
Fried potato products are acceptable.

This is why I'm a bit doubtful as to whether a lot of people are genuinly 'fussy' (obviously there are genuine cases) and it's more a case of being lazy when it comes to trying new things.
Hence why nearly all fussy eaters will always tuck into chips, but often refuse all other food.

Why should everyone just go for coffee, because a few people are picky and can't be arsed to find a restaurant themselves while expecting someone else to do it for them?

Yanbu. Eating out is a treat and the requirements you have sound way too stressful. Is Nandos an option?

I have a son with allergy and my considerate friends suggest that I pick something that matches his needs (minus any requirements they have like not spicy).

No-one should have to go for coffee, but equally it's a bit strange to keep bringing food into the arrangement if it causes such a problem.

Manic, it's about more than just the food for you. Ds1 has that problem, too.

And the only chips he'll touched are thin "fries" as he hates potato. And we can't ask for an existing item on the menu to be adjusted to his tastes, unless there's a big sign inviting you to. It's cheating, otherwise.

We often end up in sodding burger king!

Let them choose!

I've got a condition that gives me some quite random allergies, some of which are worse than others, and some where I can eat a food cooked but not uncooked. It's definitely led to me being fussier though as I tend to avoid anything that possibly might cause a reaction.

I get that it must be annoying to eat with those of us who find eating difficult but some of you are being incredibly unkind.

things like 'should just fucking stay at home' - well yeah, but, when you've spent the past few days psyching yourself up to go in the first place because you don't really want to let yet another friend down for their special occasion yet again,it's better if you can stay and are made to feel like people want you there.

things like 'being a childish pain in the butt on purpose' - hmmm, yeah, it's so much fun sitting staring at an extensive menu with your mind working overdrive trying to work out what you can possibly eat to look semi normal.

and things like saying it's okay for people with autism but not for anyone who is ;just' fussy ant that it's 'nothing like' sensory processing disorder - seriously doubt it's nothing like it. In fact I strongly suspect it's almost exactly the same - textures, tastes and smells that are frightening, nauseating, translate as inedible or untouchable, cause panic attacks, sweating, shaking ... I'm describing 'just fussy' by the way, not ASD - not so different, are they!

ouryve - yes, it is - but I would imagine that is the case for almost any 'picky' adult. It's not a fun thing to be so why would anybody do it for kicks? If you don't grow out of a restricted diet by teenage years I would say that there is a genuine problem there. Which is always going to annoy people but facing unkindness about it doesn't help.

things like 'being a childish pain in the butt on purpose' - hmmm, yeah, it's so much fun sitting staring at an extensive menu with your mind working overdrive trying to work out what you can possibly eat to look semi normal.

it must be truly awful, for you. I genuinely mean that.

However it's doesn't change that some people make a fuss about everything for attention. Which usually makes it worse for people like you, who genuinely find it difficult.

Raffles - it doesn't sound like you need to stop eating out if you enjoy it. You don't like dressings etc - restaurants will do them without. I've had friends and family staying a lot recently and I've lost count of the number of 'chicken Caesar salads without the Caesar dressing' that I've ordered!! A lot of food can be left on the side (eg croutons or a specific vegetable someone may dislike) but something pervasive like the dressing will always be left off with no complaints. In my experience, anyway.

Yanbu.
Are you from my family?
I absolutely cannot abide fussy eaters (who are just being fussy, no additional needs). Several members of my family will not even try new foods because 'they know they won't like it'

do they really, though curren ? I just can't comprehend why anyone would want to get attention that way. Nobody's going to think it's cute or special or endearing. It's unlikely to get much sympathy or understanding. It is clearly just annoying. I find it so hard to believe that any adult wants to be thought of in the way that the majority clearly do think of fussy eaters.

Manic what you are describing are sensory processing difficulties, though, aren't they, which isn't fussiness. It's a form of special need IMO. Doesn't need to reach the threshold of a disorder to count.

I do wonder if people have tried asking in restaurants though - my husband's SM has dietary problems, and most places are very happy to cook their fish or meat plain for her if she asks. In her case it's food intolerances (genuine) but they don't know why she's asking for the salmon to have the herb crust or watercress sauce left off, and yet they are happy to do it.

Definitely NBU expecting people to choose where you go, though, if they are the ones making selection a problem.

Sorry, X-posted.

Seems odd that the people with the food requirements are reluctant to do the organising, which would presumably give them the best chance of getting food that they like. By ringing up places themselves, they might also find out that there are other suitable options, that might not be on the menu.

Alternatively, what about a diy get together with people bringing food (that they will eat)?

Out of interest, are the three eaters in question part of the same branch of the family?

do they really, though curren ? I just can't comprehend why anyone would want to get attention that way. Nobody's going to think it's cute or special or endearing.

yes they do. I know people who make fusses over everything even where to go for a drink. Are you suggesting attention seekers don't exist?

YANBU. Leave 'em to it.