To think the fussy eaters should pick the restaurant?

[BettyBusStop]

Need to book somewhere for a family meal. Not local to me.

It always goes the same way. Place suggested, fussy eaters moan. Or they ask if the organiser can contact the restaurant to ask if they'll do X, y or z instead. It's exhausting and we usually end up in one of two (not very good) places having a Luke warm roast chicken dinner. Last time was awful (been taken over) and we've all vowed not to return to that restaurant.

Not elderly, no special needs, no allergies, just fussy. Between the three of them they won't eat seafood, red meat, pork, anything with a sauce, anything foreign (except some pasta), no rice, no other grains, nothing spicy, no cheese that isn't cheddar, nothing that looks funny. Oh and one doesn't like veggie food - despite not liking seafood, red meat or pork.

I've suggested they have a chat and find somewhere they can all tolerate or that can accommodate their needs, and that isn't shit restaurant, and book it. Or, I'll book somewhere any they can find something on the bloody menu they can eat (even if it's just chips).

Apparently I'm being mean making them sort it. I think I'm being very reasonable And not at all unreasonable. (What I really want to say is fuck off to a Harvester and let the rest of us try the new Japanese place.)

expat - is that regardless of their attitude towards the problem or any steps they might take to deal with it? I mean, would you see a loud, dramatic, complaining fussy eater differently to an embarrassed-trying-to-blend-into-the-background fussy eater and would you see them differently to an autistic fussy eater. Or, can you just not abide any of us, regardless?

No, that's pretty much all of them, manic. My son has ASD. They're just a pain in the backside to go for a meal with, the whole thing is already fraught before you even sit down so I try to avoid meals with such people where possible. There are a lot of activities you can do that don't involve eating, as pointed out.

Fair enough, thanks for being honest and explaining. Yes, there are lots of other activities and I'd definitely much rather do all of them. But sadly, I find that a huge proportion of adult social life seems to revolve around food. And it's a little gutting to realise that, however well you might think you're doing at blending in and coping with it, you're still annoying people to such an extreme extent.

How would you know someone was a fussy eater if they weren't being attention seeking drama queens about it?

If they behaved like grown ups you would have no idea they were fussy and they would still end up with a meal they are happy with

*I am not convinced everyone who is a fussy eater, is that fussy.

Some like the Attention and makes sure everyone knows there is nothing that they can eat*

THIS! With bells on!

I work with a woman who just like this. Everything is about what she claims she cannot eat. Trying to find somewhere to eat when we went out with her was a fucking nightmare. After she'd perused the menu she'd adopt a martyred expression and declared she'd just have to have some chips as there WASN'T ANYTHING on the menu she could possibly eat. Then she'd sit there with a face like a wounded puppy and leave half the fucking chips because they'd be too many on the plate! I stopped going out with her as it pissed me off trying to find somewhere to suit her and never succeeding. Name the food, she'd turn her nose up at it.

Or the 'I'll just have a drink.' God, why do you bother coming along then? So make everyone uncomfortable as they are all eating and you're sat there with tap water.

I am fussy, I would not want to eat chips from a chip shop. I like chips from the Chinese though.

wtf!?

Yanbu.
If they don't like your restaurant suggestion, then they need to come up with a solution. If you are prepared to compromise to accommodate their food fads, then they should accommodate you not wanting to go to a crap restaurant.
Would eating in be a better solution?

I am fussy, I would not want to eat chips from a chip shop. I like chips from the Chinese though

WTF?

Chip shop chips are OK, where I am they are usually quite soggy and cooked in beef dripping, so no good for vegetarians.

But the chips from the Chinese takeaway that we go to are the best ever. I don't care how they cook them, they are lovely.

That's kind of the thing about us fussy eaters, sometimes certain textures puts us off.

Chinese chips are crispy. Chip shop ones are soft and quite soggy.

The Chinese take away near mine do chilly and chilly salt chips which are lovely.

I can eat chip shop chips but it wouldn't be a treat for me or something I would ever choose.

Isn't a nice gastro pub your best bet? 'Plain' dishes like roast meats and fish and chips for the fuss pots and something more elaborate for the grown ups?

U2 it makes more sense when you say it's because one serves soggy chips and one serves crispy - but you do realise it can vary hugely between places? It's too simplistic to say chinese chips = good, chip shop chips = bad because they aren't all the same! That's one of the frustrating things about fussy eaters imho, the assumptions and 'rules' they stick to which aren't actually based on anything other than the 1 place they've been to and liked.

'Plain' dishes like roast meats and fish and chips for the fuss pots and something more elaborate for the grown ups?

I'm sure that sort of attitude endears you no end. Yes, adults can have food phobias, no need to compare them to children because of it.

So make everyone uncomfortable as they are all eating and you're sat there with tap water.

Why do you worry so much about someone else when you're clearly so prejudiced against them? FFS.

sorry if that came across a bit personally U2, ofc you can eat what/where you like. I've never ordered chips at a chinese place but the chips at our local chip shop are crispy as fuck so you would be safe

Can't eat before 8 pm/after 7 pm

The ones who keep rigidyly to times are worse than the fussy eaters!

My pils are like this.
I don't know what they think will happen if they eat after 7.
(turn into pumpkins?)

I'm afraid I would expect the fussier eaters to find whatever they could on the menu that thy could eat. Or maybe they might be encouraged to try something new?

Thecatsflaps The fact is that when you are out for a meal the person sitting there with an abstemious glass of tap water does make the diners feel uncomfortable.

It makes us feel guilty that we have chosen an unsuitable venue. It makes us feel uncomfortable because the water drinker isn't enjoying themselves as much as the people enjoying their meals.

I once sat next to a very fussy work colleague who sulked all the way through a meal because she didn't like Indian food (fair enough), but didn't fancy any of the non Indian options because she wanted a pizza. It spoiled the meal for everyone sat near her.

Can I also clarify that sushi isn't fish. It is rice. It sometimes has fish, sometimes vegetables, sometimes egg and sometimes meat. Sashimi is raw fish.

'Why do you worry so much about someone else when you're clearly so prejudiced against them? FFS.'

Because the entire point of meeting in a restaurant is to eat. Sat there with tap water is rude. Just stay home and eat your oven chips and plain chicken breast rather than piss on everyone else's tapas/sushi/Indian.

MrsH, having to avoid shellfish or whatever because of intolerances isn't the same as just being fussy, though.

No, indeed, but I did say I am also a bit fussy which for example means I don't really like "big slab of meat" places or "mega spicy" places or pizza places. That's fuss.

I'm also more anxious about food types than my intolerances would actually require: I can't have shellfish but I expand that to all fish just in case; I can't have mushrooms but I expand that to all dishes with hidden vegetables just in case. That's fuss.

I don't like stuff on my plate that you don't eat, eg bones, or any offal too reminiscent of its origins. That's fuss.

I don't like aubergines, cucumber or avocado. That's fuss.

What happens in a restaurant is that I typically identify two or three things I'm confident I can safely eat, then work out which one of those I would like to eat. If they've run out OH MY GOD PANIC. That's fuss.

I literally can't imagine what it's like to go to a restaurant and choose from the whole menu. I remember having to walk back out of a noodle bar I really wanted to try, because they usually put oyster sauce as the base and I didn't want to risk it.

So for me, personally fussy but absolutely desperate not to make a fuss, being able to choose (or at least narrow down the choice) the venue means I can be sure are at least two or three safe/acceptable things to choose from when we are sitting at the table with menus. And that means that what you see is my saying "I don't know whether to have pea risotto or spinach and ricotta cannelloni. What are you having?"

Yes, I agree with expat. Whatever the reason behind the fuss, it does spoil things for other people because the entire purpose of the visit is the food sharing, and someone not fulfilling the ritual isn't playing the game.

There will be lots and lots of fussy people in your life who do a lot of preparatory work to make sure their fuss doesn't impinge on anyone else. You probably don't even know they're fussy.

Actually, expat I am in total agreement with you that tap water is rude. Sometimes, if I'm really comfortable with the people I'm with and if I'm in a really bad place then I will just drink, not eat, but it will always be a drink that at least costs money and has some enjoyment value to it!

And usually, even if I can't find or alter anything on the menu (rare tbh, most places are okay if you plan and stay calm), I prefer to order something random and pretend to eat it.

But not everyone can afford to throw money away like that.

It's the 'stay at home' thing I find hard to deal with though. Because sometimes that is rude. It's like you can't win. It's also sometimes not feasible. I have a very close group of friends that I only get to see 3-4 times a year. Our meet ups are usually over at least 1 night and involve at least 2 meals out. I can't 'just stay home' or I'd be saying goodbye to the friendship.

Granted, a normal, local, evening meal out with colleagues or casual friends would be an activity I'd avoid like the plague. But I'm not sure a similarly fussy eater should feel they have to do that. If they had a more acceptable problem people would be more compassionate.

For those self-confessed fussy eaters, can I ask why you think you're that way?

Genuine question as I really cannot understand it.

I love food, it's amazing and fascinating stuff. Do you not think that you might be missing out? Genuinely confuses me.

Anyone ever dine with the wannabe food critic?

Just as irritating as a fussy demanding attention seeker but will lure you with the idea that they eat everything and anything. Only once the meal is served you're met with a curled lip and extensive repeated explanations why it's 'wrong'.

Every. Fucking. Time.

I disagree that only drinking tap water is rude. If you're genuinely fussy you should still be allowed to socialise! It honestly wouldn't bother me if a friend did this.