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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to cater for sister's --'faddy'-- sorry, restricted, diet?!

185 replies

nappyrat · 15/03/2016 11:41

I invited my sisters and a couple of friends round for a celebratory dinner the other night. I made spag bol.

I know my sister is pretty 'faddy' with her eating - she follows the FODMAP diet, 'tries' to avoid dairy (expect when she really facies filling her face with chocolate or cream or cheese) but it's all a bit 'on / off' and her Ok-foods seem very complicated (to me at least!), and restrictive.

She arrived at my house last night (I am a lone parent and had been at work all day just to set the scene!) and pretty much the first question she asked as she came in the door was whether or not I had catered to her dietary requirements(!!). Which I hadn't with the spa bol, but then swapped the accompanying side dish to suit her. to She ate everything up, had seconds but the next day, sent me an email to say 'no onion next time please'

AIBU to be pissed off!? Hmm

OP posts:
Corygal1 · 15/03/2016 11:43

Rude. YANBU.

DreamingofSummer · 15/03/2016 11:43

and the second word is "off"

Coldtoeswarmheart · 15/03/2016 11:43

Depends on why she follows the dairy-free/ FODMAP diet, really.

FauxFox · 15/03/2016 11:44

Just tell her to bring her own food as you don't feel confident you can get it right for her and you would hate to make her ill Grin

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/03/2016 11:44

YABU. You knew her dietary requirements beforehand. If you felt unable to cater for her you should have either not invited her, or asked her to bring her own food.

I'm sure she assumed that as you had invited her, and that as you were aware of her needs you were going to cater for her - a perfectly reasonable assumption.

IdaJones · 15/03/2016 11:45

Off to google FODMAP

IdaJones · 15/03/2016 11:47

Have googled it. Does she have bowel problems?

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/03/2016 11:47

DH's sister can't eat onions. It makes cooking for her a bit difficult - I usually do her something plain.

DonkeyOaty · 15/03/2016 11:49

Yes yabu.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/03/2016 11:49

Your sister is very rude to email you with requests and feedback like that.

Is there a genuine medical reason for the FODMAP diet? Clearly the dairy avoidance is a fad if she eats chocolate, cream and cheese.

It sounds like my SIL, who claims to be allergic to egg, but eats it in cake and puddings without an issue. Why she can't just say she doesn't like boiled eggs or whatever, I don't know.

If she had a genuine medical reason, she explained her needs nicely and followed them consistently, fair enough. She should also bring some food that she normally eats, rather than expecting everyone else to fall in line with her requirements. Because from what you've said, she sounds to me like an attention seeking control freak.

Original poster
nappyrat · 15/03/2016 11:50

I think the suggestion of suggesting she brings her own food next time makes good sense. Don't think it'll go down well! ;)

OP posts:
Coldtoeswarmheart · 15/03/2016 11:51

MIL follows a GF diet and tends to bring her own food possibly because she doesn't believe me capable of catering to her needs even though I've never given her any cause to think otherwise but on the occasions when I do cook for her, I do accommodate. But it's easier to do that when the needs are clear.

I understood that the FODMAP thing is tricky to get right and needs a dietician's advice, really.

theycallmemellojello · 15/03/2016 11:52

Depends if you knew about the dietary requirements beforehand? If you did - yabu. You don't have to approve of her diet (though I don't see the point of judging myself, lots of people are trying to lose weight and try various different diets), but there's no point inviting her to dinner and serving something she can't eat on it. If you don't want to cater for it - don't invite her to dinner (fine to ask her over and bring her own food etc). If you didn't know about the ins and outs of the diet and she complained that you'd served onions (rather than just pointed out that next time she didn't want them) Yanbu. But it sounds like she broke the diet to eat what you served, so she's not being wholly unreasonable herself.

oldlaundbooth · 15/03/2016 11:54

Your sister needs to have more respect for you as a sister and as a person who is kind enough to cook her dinner.

'No onion' = no next time.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2016 11:55

I think the suggestion of suggesting she brings her own food next time makes good sense. Don't think it'll go down well! ;)

Give her plenty of water with it then Wink

oldlaundbooth · 15/03/2016 11:55

P. S. Congrats on whatever you're celebrating! Flowers

Original poster
nappyrat · 15/03/2016 11:57

Barbara - I think that is my issue, it's not done particularly nicely. If it were another friend and they said 'sorry to be a pain, could I trouble you...blah blah' and 'would you like me to make something instead if you are pushed for time' I wouldn't mind, it's just done so rudely!!!

She could have done a 'thank you for a lovely evening, am suffering a bit for the onion though, can I remind you of the no-go items for next time please?'

I have to admit, I genuinely forgot (oops, my bad) about her dietary requirements when I was making the meal.

Oh well!

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 15/03/2016 11:57

Ask her to suggest a few dishes she enjoys eating. Next time, make one if those.

Original poster
nappyrat · 15/03/2016 11:59

theycallmemellojello - I was brought up to bloody eat what people put in front of you. I would never DREAM of sending someone a list of foods I can and can't eat (and trust me, the list is EXTENSIVE!) if they were having me over for dinner. I just think it's rude. You deal with it!

oldlaundbooth - thank yoU! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
nappyrat · 15/03/2016 12:00

acasualobserver
Ask her to suggest a few dishes she enjoys eating. Next time, make one if those.

yep good idea too

OP posts:
CurbsideProphet · 15/03/2016 12:03

I followed FODMAP for medical reasons and with HCP advice/guidance. If I was your sister I would have checked with you first and brought my own food. YANBU as if she was serious she would have made her own arrangements and not moaned afterwards.

Arfarfanarf · 15/03/2016 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 15/03/2016 12:07

my SIL, who claims to be allergic to egg, but eats it in cake and puddings without an issue. Why she can't just say she doesn't like boiled eggs or whatever, I don't know

Some people are allergic to a specific egg protein that is broken down if the egg is cooked longer than 20 minutes or so. That means they can have cakes, but can't eat things like omelette. DS's best friend is like this.

JuxtapositionRecords · 15/03/2016 12:08

I didn't know what this was until I just googled it, and the first thing I found said onion is the number 1 thing to avoid. She obviously had a bad night after eating it. There must be a reason she is on this diet as it looks awful, I can't think why anyone would do it for a fad. IBS is absolutely terrible and if you had it you be prepared to try anything to help too.

I think YABU - you have obviously felt this way for a while, you say how awful it is to cater for her but then "forget" when it comes to what you are cooking?? Hmm Just don't ask her for dinner anymore if it is that much of a bother.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 15/03/2016 12:08

Your sister sounds a lot like my Aunt.
I should be clear here - my Aunt has No allergies or intolerances, nothing confirmed by a doctor. All her restricted eating is down to Dr Google and Dr ReadItInAMagazine, those well known bastions of reliable medical knowledge.
She does have another medical problem and seems think second hand testimonies from other people with the illness who have stopped eating certain foods and have co-incidentally had a minor improvement is as good as real science.
Over the years her list of things she can't eat has changed. It's hard to keep up, though it seems to be consistent now. She is hard to cater for as there's a lot she wont eat, but I'd probably be more sympathetic if she didn't bang on about it every single meal time - especially if another member of the family is eating something she has decided she can't.