Not to cater for sister's --'faddy'-- sorry, restricted, diet?!

[nappyrat]

I invited my sisters and a couple of friends round for a celebratory dinner the other night. I made spag bol.

I know my sister is pretty 'faddy' with her eating - she follows the FODMAP diet, 'tries' to avoid dairy (expect when she really facies filling her face with chocolate or cream or cheese) but it's all a bit 'on / off' and her Ok-foods seem very complicated (to me at least!), and restrictive.

She arrived at my house last night (I am a lone parent and had been at work all day just to set the scene!) and pretty much the first question she asked as she came in the door was whether or not I had catered to her dietary requirements(!!). Which I hadn't with the spa bol, but then swapped the accompanying side dish to suit her. to She ate everything up, had seconds but the next day, sent me an email to say 'no onion next time please'

AIBU to be pissed off!?

[MrsWinklepicker]

by the way, it is possible to have a food allergy and still eat said food ... I am allergic to milk - if I have a lot I get hives all over my torso and occasional swelling of my lips (which looks awesome), however in small quantities it's fine.... just saying.

[IdealWeather]

The FODMAP diet can be challenging to follow and I personally wouldn't expect someone else to cater for me in that way.

[trixymalixy]

my SIL, who claims to be allergic to egg, but eats it in cake and puddings without an issue. Why she can't just say she doesn't like boiled eggs or whatever, I don't know

If you gave my DD a boiled egg or a meringue she would spectacularly projectile vomit everywhere and be really unwell with a very sore tummy. She can however eat cake and yorkshire puddings with no problem.

She is under the care of an allergist at the children's hospital, so not a fad or just disliking eggs.

It is very common for people to be able to tolerate "hidden egg" as it is called as the proteins are altered if cooked for long enough.

[nappyrat]

IdealWeather - what would you expect someone to do if you went round for dinner?

[tabulahrasa]

Well she wasn't very polite about it - but then you did invite her for dinner and then cooked something that would make her unwell.

So neither of you come off exactly reasonable.

[AcrossthePond55]

I think it depends on whether it's a preference or a requirement. I have Coeliac and gluten free for me is a requirement. People who invite me are free to cater to it or not. But if they choose not to (and that's fine) I would expect them to let me know ahead of time so I could either bring something to eat or eat beforehand.

You should have told your sister ahead of time that the meal wasn't FODMAP, since you didn't your sister was not out of line to ask. Would you have considered me out of line to ask knowing that if I didn't I would end up in excruciating pain for 24-48 hours afterwards?

[IdealWeather]

I do follow a wheat and dairy free diet too. I don't ask people outside the house to cater for me. I avoid stuff with them in as much as I can, I eat what I'm happy to eat and that's it.
The reason for me is simple, I don't do it because I'm allergic to something but because it affects how I feel (energy levels and pain). It's not a life or death situation, it's a well being issue. I'm happy to cope with the worsening of the symptoms that it will entails.
If I wasn't happy with the worsening of the symptoms, I would either bring stuff myself/have a chat with the host etc.. or not go.

[JuxtapositionRecords]

Maybe she was rude because you made her ill? The side dish she ate, did she know there were onions in it? Why could she not eat the spag Bol, because of the onions?

[IdealWeather]

Btw, the FODMAP was too hard for me to follow. Hence the 'just' no wheat, no dairy stuff (which is hard enough to do anyway!)

[JuxtapositionRecords]

Just to be clear on my post - I can't understand why she didn't eat the spag Bol presumably because of the onions but she ate the side dish with onions in - unless she didn't know there were onions in that.

[megletthesecond]

nap I can't eat gluten and also follow a rough FODMAP diet (although gluten really is my poison). TBH I don't go anywhere for dinner apart from my mums house but even there I'll happily sort out my own GF ready meal if I have to, I don't want anyone faffing or accidentally giving me gluten. She does usually keep some ready meals in the freezer for me though. I take my own biscuits when I go somewhere for tea too.

[IdealWeather]

Across I don't agree with you. I think it's up to the person who has specific diet requirements to let the host know not the other way around.

I also know by expewrience that some diets are very hard to follow. Going dairy and wheat free took me ages because these two foods are everywhere (incl when you cook from scratch). I wouldn't dream to ask my host to go to these lengths because I know how much I struggled to do that for myself in the first place.

I fully agree that it makes things hard for people like you who have an allergy and just have to be so careful.

[peasareevilcreatures]

IBS can be different from person to person with what makes it worse.
I have IBS-C and onions and garlic don't do anything to me, and I'm ok with wheat.
I think it's eggs that make mine worse which I've only found out recently as I've been dieting and eating a lot of them and the IBS-C has been terrible.

Good on her for trying FODMAP, I don't think YABU about what happened on your evening but calling her diet faddy is.

[Rezolution123]

What makes her think there is going to even be a "next time"?

[derxa]

YABU for using the phrase dietary requirements It gives me the willies.

[AcrossthePond55]

Ideal I agree. I was under the impression that OP already knew her sister was FODMAP. If OP did NOT know, and the sister walked in and announced it, then the sister was unreasonable.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I am a vegan. I bring my own food. Your sister was very rude!

[MummaV]

My DH is coeliac and therefore gluten free is a requirement for him. We often take food for him when going to someone else's house as cross contamination is an issue and even the smallest crumb can have him in agony. However, if he just avoided gluten because DR Google told him it might make him feel better I wouldn't expect anyone to cater to his needs.
I have quite a few food allergies but always make people aware and if they can't cater to me (not hard, bananas, mushrooms and eggs) I will bring my own food quite happily or eat at home before visiting.

I think when you have a restricted diet of any kind you become more aware that not everyone even thinks about such things when cooking and makes little mistakes so you either eat and suffer or take your own.

Your sister was rude.

[Littleorangecat]

YABU for saying fodmap is faddy, I don't think anyone would chose to do it voluntarily. Ive had to do it for 18 months now. However your sister should have realised there would be onions in the spag Bol. She has probably been on the loo all night due to having them - pretty unpleasant .

[MyNameWasElizaDay]

Your sister was rude in the way she dealt with it, no doubt about that but I have some sympathy for her if she's doing it to avoid unpleasant reactions to gluten and dairy.

I have to follow the FODMAP diet for health reasons, I'm also vegetarian, its a huge pain in the arse to eat anywhere except at home. I always have food with me I can eat that will keep me going till I get home and if I'm going to someones house for dinner I tell them I'm veggie and eat what I can.

[expatinscotland]

YANBU

[sparechange]

YABU for saying fodmap is faddy, I don't think anyone would chose to do it voluntarily

You'd be amazed at what faddy food shit people will do for the hell of it. It is often a cover for an eating disorder, or disordered eating, but I have a few friends who at any one time are on all manner of faddy diets just because they've read about it in a magazine.

One friend is currently on an anti-thrush diet. She her first and only very small bout of thrush, as a result of a dirty weekend away with a new boyfriend, and decided the rational course of action is to follow an extremely restrictive diet to stop her getting it again.

I'm deft at rolling my eyes now, so I'm not surprised OP is calling it 'faddy' if this isn't the first diet her sister has decided to follow

[MrsJayy]

If her diet means no onions then it means no onions did you know that ? She was very rude in her text I think you should just invite her over for a cuppa and not dinner it sounds complicated and if you don't have time to make something that suits her then that's fair enough

[witsender]

Polite is serving something your guests like and can eat tbh, so you were both pretty rude.

[Chchchchange]

My friend follows fodmap and if she eats something off that plan (especially onions and dairy) her body has a very extreme reaction. She suffers horrendous pain. It isn't faddy, it's about managing one's health. She very, very occasionally says 'stuff it' and eats what she likes when out but I know she suffers for it. I really feel for her