Not to cater for sister's --'faddy'-- sorry, restricted, diet?!

[nappyrat]

I invited my sisters and a couple of friends round for a celebratory dinner the other night. I made spag bol.

I know my sister is pretty 'faddy' with her eating - she follows the FODMAP diet, 'tries' to avoid dairy (expect when she really facies filling her face with chocolate or cream or cheese) but it's all a bit 'on / off' and her Ok-foods seem very complicated (to me at least!), and restrictive.

She arrived at my house last night (I am a lone parent and had been at work all day just to set the scene!) and pretty much the first question she asked as she came in the door was whether or not I had catered to her dietary requirements(!!). Which I hadn't with the spa bol, but then swapped the accompanying side dish to suit her. to She ate everything up, had seconds but the next day, sent me an email to say 'no onion next time please'

AIBU to be pissed off!?

[LollieB]

Juxtaposition, my point was if they had dad cake during the war, it is unlikely that those sitting around the table would have complained about all of their food intolerances. I spent some time working is poor areas of Latin America, where the people lived on mainly the vegetables which they grew, some wheat products and milk from their own animals. I did not once in six months hear of any intolerances at all. Maybe it was the healthy organic diet, or just the fact that they were grateful to have enough food. There is possibly something in the fact that we consume such highly processed food.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Lollie, that is like saying there were no Autistic or ADHD people in the war, or in Latin America.

There were. Food intolerance was called something like "having dodgy guts". And people who suffered really badly as babies and children probably simply died from "failure to thrive".

[AcrossthePond55]

LollieB many food intolerances have a genetic basis. Genetic. It doesn't matter if the wheat is 'healthy organic' wheat. It's still poison to my system.

Also, many people with intolerances will 'self regulate'. This was especially true in the days before intolerances were recognized and/or diagnosable. They'll stop eating the food they're intolerant to simply because it upsets them. But because they're not diagnosed they end up saying they 'just don't like it' or it 'disagrees with them' rather than that they're intolerant to it.

[iMogster]

I have IBS and am intolerant to wheat, gluten and dairy. It is a massive nuisance most of the time and worst if I am eating out. I don't mind taking my own food to make the host's life easier. I find it frustrating when people say they are intolerant when they are not, just to be special or whatever! I would LOVE to be able to eat what ever I like without having to worry about it.

[zenaria]

I tried to follow FODMAP when I was breastfeeding. It was an absolute nightmare. I fully admitted that to people when I ate with them. There are so many 'normal foods' that are restricted. I said to people 'I am sorry - I hate it too, but I gotta try'. I also often brought food or snacks with me so I always had something I could eat. As you mention above, it is how she did it. Gluten free or dairy free are easy enough these days, but for you to fully understand and be able to avoid all the foods mentioned on a FODMAP diet would be ridiculous - especially as every FODMAP diet is different. The restrictions totally depend on the person- she needs to be very specific about what you should avoid when you are cooking. Good luck. xx

[StrictlyMumDancing]

many food intolerances have a genetic basis
Also, many people with intolerances will 'self regulate'
Very true. My maternal family are from very poor Irish stock. The vast majority avoid dairy because 'they don't like it'. Similarly with onions/garlic/etc. They put up with major discomfort for days after visiting other people and being polite and grateful to be fed, thinking that's just how it is. The ones of us who have the proper labelling are the idiots ones who actually profess to having liked these foods! Gastro-intestinal and auto-immune issues are rife too.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Why are people so disbelieving of other people's intolerances? Genuine question.

Yes people may chop and change what they feel they can eat.

This may be because they are doing an elimination diet,

It may be because, when their gut is really well they can tolerate small amounts of a certain food. Or when their gut is flaring up they can't tolerate a food they are normally okay with.

It may be because they can tolerate the food when it is cooked in a certain way.

It may be because, what the hell, it's their favourite food, they don't wan to be a party pooper and they are willing to bear the consequences of going off the rails for once.

All of these reasons are perfectly valid and logical and do not indicate that someone is in any way being faddy or fabricating their intolerances.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

The self regulating thing is interesting. My mother avoids milk and brought me up to think it was disgusting. I have never developed a milk habit, don't eat cereal, always drink black coffee etc.

But I wanted my kids to be strong and health so always pushed the milk. Glass before bedtime, glass for breakfast, that sort of thing. My eldest two are lactose intolerant. I thought they got it from DP (also a black coffee drinker) but maybe not.

[Tandia]

I haven't RTFT but have noticed the discussions about egg allergies and thought this might be helpful. My son is allergic to egg, but the specialist hopes he will outgrow it and we have been given an 'egg ladder' to help with the gradual introduction of egg into his diet. His reaction to an egg prick test still shows he has a fairly strong egg allergy and they don't recommend he tries pure egg yet, but he has tolerated egg baked in cakes for a long time and can also have well cooked Yorkshire puddings or pancakes.

This is the egg ladder for anyone going through similar...

[paxillin]

I think the fact she had seconds knowing what was in the dish absolves OP entirely. It's like getting drunk and blaming the host for the hangover.