Not to cater for sister's --'faddy'-- sorry, restricted, diet?!

[nappyrat]

I invited my sisters and a couple of friends round for a celebratory dinner the other night. I made spag bol.

I know my sister is pretty 'faddy' with her eating - she follows the FODMAP diet, 'tries' to avoid dairy (expect when she really facies filling her face with chocolate or cream or cheese) but it's all a bit 'on / off' and her Ok-foods seem very complicated (to me at least!), and restrictive.

She arrived at my house last night (I am a lone parent and had been at work all day just to set the scene!) and pretty much the first question she asked as she came in the door was whether or not I had catered to her dietary requirements(!!). Which I hadn't with the spa bol, but then swapped the accompanying side dish to suit her. to She ate everything up, had seconds but the next day, sent me an email to say 'no onion next time please'

AIBU to be pissed off!?

[Coldtoeswarmheart]

Sounds like she might have IBS, then.

[paxillin]

"Dear Sis, no problem about no onions next time, it's your turn to cook so you can do what you want. Love Nappyrat"

[specialsubject]

FODMAP was suggested by a gastro consultant here as a possible solution to digestive issues. Unfortunately for the person concerned it turned out to be the exact opposite of what they could tolerate.

but it works for some. Anything that helps deal with stomach problems gets my vote.

so if someone can't eat something, and lets me know, I'll do my best to help. And I do have a friend who can't tolerate onions!!

[WhereDidAllThoseYesterdaysGo]

You sound like a horrible sister to be honest.
Wht don't you ask her about her ibs? Just because she makes light of it doesn't mean it's not tough.

I expect she feels really low that not even a family member can be arsed to make food that doesn't make her ill.

Lucky you being able to eat everything. Me too. But a scrap of milk in food would be enough to send dd to A and E.

You sound like a selfish, heartless sister.

Shame on you.

[Janecc]

I think it was the way she said it, not the essence of what she said, which was rude. I have dietary issues myself. If I've eaten something I shouldn't have, it can make me quite ill. Maybe it's the case for her and she's grouchy and feeling unheard and uncared for. Please don't take it to heart. We all make mistakes -in this case, perhaps you for forgetting, her for being acidic?

[sleeponeday]

Yeah. I mean, I can eat anything at all, and do. But that doesn't mean I assume the rest of the world should convenience me accordingly. I mean, surely I'm the lucky one, so the one who can unbend long enough to make something the other person can enjoy?

[trixymalixy]

I don't understand why you would cook something that you know a family member can't eat.

My MIL does this. Once, despite 4 of the 10 people at the table (all her own family) not being able to eat dairy the only pudding provided was a massive cream filled meringue. . I don't understand it, why would you not cater for your guest or ask them to bring something if not sure?

[Janecc]

What WhereDidAllThose just said was rather harsh! Yes, I can imagine it is perplexing understanding where your sister is coming from. I'm too ill to hold down a job, am gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant and do best on a Paleo diet. It's especially hard when I used to live on pasta, which I now can't touch. It's very hard to keep to a restricted diet. As any overweight person, who would love to be thin can attest (me included). There are days when I can and days when I just feel too exhausted to eat what I should. Those days, I eat loads of sugar to keep me going and able to literally be able to stand up and look after my child. From an outsider, it may look like I'm full of crap and clearly not sticking to a diet. I'm not, I'm just struggling.

[TempusEedjit]

Spaghetti bolognaise for a dinner party?

[Pinkheart5915]

She eat the dinner and cleared the plate even having seconds.

Then the next day you receive an email about onions.

She sounds rude and like she just wanted to nip pick

[BarbarianMum]

OP you sound awful and intolerant and actually quite ignorant. No one follows the FODMAP for fun. And people with bowel problems do tend to downplay them to others - better than describing in detail what the wrong foods do to you.

But hey, she was rude to you. Do much worse than inviting someone you know is on a tricky to cater for diet round for a meal and not making the effort to actually cater for them because you think its all a fad

[80schild]

Just read this thread. What most people who are properly allergic / ill don't realise, is that there is a significant minority of the population that actually enjoy restricting their diet in bizarre and difficult ways for "health benefits".

The number of people I know who are gluten free because someone told them it is healthier is definitely more than the number of people I know who actually have coeliac disease. I sometimes wonder that if they just cut their portion sizes down they would feel normal.

What I am trying to say is that there are a lot of people that talk a lot of rubbish. Not everyone, but definitely a significant minority.

[Valentine2]

I would essentially add onion to piss her off next time. there is nt much better in this world than teasing siblings! 😹

[Solobo]

I thought fodmap was another faddy thing but the research behind it is looking pretty good.

My mum is in it now for a year, I just ask her for ideas. We had a lovely Thai noodle soup yesterday when she was round. Didn't take any longer than spag Bol

Op you sound very intolerant (pun intended)

[CountessNatasha]

I think her way of approaching the problem was rude and YANBU to be annoyed about that.

But a good hostess tries to make her guests welcome. It seems bizarre to me to invite people for supper with the attitude "I will not accommodate you if you don't like it don't come here". Friendly.

Also so what if someone is behaving in a faddish way. People can eat or not eat whatever they choose. I don't care if someone read they should avoid aubergine on google or whatever, I just want people to have a good time at my house so I wouldn't serve food they don't eat. Generally I'll ask if there's anything people can't eat before they come for a meal and cook accordingly.

[Wagglebees]

Damn those irritating ill people with their crappy health and restricted diets. They should eat what they're given and crap out their insides quietly at home so as not to disturb anyone else.

YABU and a poor excuse of a sister.

[PageStillNotFound404]

OP, if you can't cope with a day at work, looking after your daughter and cooking a meal that won't irritate your sister's digestion, don't have weekday dinner parties. Presumably no one was holding a gun to your head to carry out these voluntary activity? It's not an excuse to bitch about your sister just because you're disorganised/forgetful/judgemental about food issues.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Well said, Waggle.
In my family we have IBS and diverticular disease. It's really debilitating and the FODMAP diet has given real relief to many of my relatives.

I'm hoping I don't develop these issues although it's looking like I will as I'm already starting with early signs of IBS, it's not a particularly fun diet.

[BarbarianMum]

80schild what a lot of well people don't realise is that there are many, many people with autoimmune conditions out there frantically experimenting with different diets in the hope of alleviating their symptoms. Modern medicine doesn't offer that much for many autoimmune conditions beyond controlling pain and flare ups. Of course people look for magic bullets.

I'm "lucky" because I have Crohns so people believe me when I say I can't eat x, y and z but I got there through trial and error and a number of exclusion diets. There is no specific list of things to avoid though, each Crohns sufferer is different. I have a friend who feels that being gf relieves her arthritis. Who am I to tell her she's making it up?

[AcrossthePond55]

I expect to be f-l-a-m-e-d for this, but I get really annoyed with the way that it seems everyone in the world has special 'requirements' - whatever they may be. So many people are such divas! I am of the view that you should be polite, not make a fuss, be discrete if you do have problems you need to ask about or sort out.

So I, and all the other people with dietary intolerances and allergies, are 'divas'? Nice.

Suffice it to say, OP, that if you had invited me to dinner I would have inquired about what you were serving ahead of time to see if it was something I could safely eat without becoming deathly ill. But I expect that since I'm such a 'diva' you wouldn't have invited me in the first place.

[goodolenc]

text back

you're welcome

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

I'm coeliac and have ibd (microscopic colitis)

I'd rather take my own food to someone else's house or just get pissed

If they had an outside toilet for my sole use, even better

I hate making extra work for someone and causing a fuss. Now, restaurants, tho, that's a whole nother story, because I'm giving them my ££s. If they don't cater for me-just a tiny bit- they go on my shit list and I never darken their doors again

till they make their chips gluten free

[MuddhaOfSuburbia]

Also wot 80schild says

There are an awful lot of folk-let's call them ponces- who do every diet fad going

Now on the one hand those folk are useful to those of us who have intolerances- the gf food market is now HUUUUGE and I give full credit to the ponces there-if it were just the coeliacs buying it, we'd be stuck with one type of pasta and claggy bread

BUT now noone ever believes you're coeliac, you can see it in their eyes: they think YOU'RE a ponce too

We need badges

[WishToBeWell]

YABVU to refer to 'faddy diets' and then drip feed that she has medical issues and bad gastro symptoms

sleeponeday Tue 15-Mar-16 14:06:45 post is pretty spot on as is waggles

And I flat out do not believe that she sent an e-mail (and e-mail you say not text) saying literally just 'No onions next time please'

OR, if she did genuinely send you just that then I can only make an educated case it was all she could manage to do inbetween vomming and shitting as wanted to let you know and that was literally all she could manage (& nope, if you don't have a chronic illness then I get that you won't get that, but I also know that the 1000's of us that do have invisible illnesses would get it in a heartbeat).

You knew she has gastro issues so why invite her and then make her unwittingly ill? Not just VU but bloody nasty.

[WishToBeWell]

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