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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some peace and quiet on the ward?

483 replies

vodkaredbull · 06/02/2016 03:38

It's 3:30am and I'm losing my mind.

I was admitted to antenatal yesterday morning for induction. So far fuck all is happening and I'm exhausted. In a stupid amount of pain and all I want to do is sleep.

But of course that's not going to happen is it? I'm in a bay with two other beds. Across from me is the snorer but really I could probably block her out. The problem is the other patient who is surgically attached to her fucking iPhone. It's the middle of the night and she's ringing all of her friends for a chat. Who does that when people are trying to sleep?! I don't give a fuck if she's missing a party to be induced. I want to enjoy the totally useless paracetamol they've deigned to give me and try to get a little rest.

The midwife isn't helping much either. She's rather old fashioned and I'm surprised she hasn't locked us in. I tried to go for a walk to escape iPhone girl and she escorted me back to bed.

AIBU to expect a little peace and quiet in here? Seriously losing it right now.

OP posts:
ToadsforJustice · 07/02/2016 19:17

Well said Red.

George2014 · 07/02/2016 19:30

God this thread makes my blood boil about the care you are receiving. I'm tempted to get all my old team to head up there in the morning and help you out! The consultant should never have said anything that would necessitate you going in the toilets to cry....she should be ashamed of herself...the midwives should be ashamed for not noticing how you are and understanding what a crap situation you are in. I'm embarrassed to say I worked in this hospital!

Lj8893 · 07/02/2016 19:42

I'm am appalled at the care you are recieving. If a midwife or doctor treated somebody where I work in the same way yours are treating you, there would be uproar!

redexpat · 07/02/2016 19:43

Oh no. Those were not the updates I was hoping for.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2016 19:46

The way you've been treated is awful. I'm glad you have your DH there. I'd get him to speak up, too.

waxweasel · 07/02/2016 19:52

Redtoothbrush has it spot on. I had a rubbish experience with my first birth - nowhere near in the same league as yours, but enough to still make me very cross 3 years later. I was informed and educated, knew my rights and what I did/didn't want, but also was realistic enough to see that I would need to be flexible and see how things went. I was very willing to co-operate with staff, but wanted my wishes to be taken into account too. They weren't. I was so desperate not to be categorised as a silly FTM with high expectations (and I knew that's exactly how many of them view FTMs, with that sense of disdain, which is appalling in itself) that I just wasn't assertive enough, and allowed myself to be bullied into conditions that made for a truly horrific experience, and which left me with lasting damage to my hips because they ignored the warning note from my physio.

Anyway, I am so angry at myself for not standing my ground more and letting them treat me with such disdain and indifference. I am now pregnant again, and my expectations are even higher than they were as a FTM. I know my rights, inside out. I know EXACTLY how to kick up a stink. I have an absolutely formidable matron of a doula who I personally wouldn't mess with, and no way on earth am I letting them treat me the same way again. My point is, you being a FTM is irrelevant. Your expectations are perfectly reasonable and you have a right to be listened to and treated with respect. Honestly I am furious about the way you are being treated, and if I were you I would definitely go for a little walk down to PALS and have a chat with them. And next time you speak to the consultant, ask them for a copy of the complaints procedure - that should get them listening.

I really hope things get moving for you quickly and you get some rest tonight. And if you feel up to it, do complain about this shoddy care once you're out. I didn't, and I really regret it - I honestly believe that much of the shit care in antenatal/postnatal provision is down to the fact that they depend on people being too shattered/vulnerable/weak/busy to get round to complaining Flowers

Mooey89 · 07/02/2016 19:52

Good luck OP.

I was put on an induction ward even though I was already in labour when I arrived, because they thought they might need to 'speed things along' due to waters breaking and not wanting to exceed 24 hours.

As you know, they don't give pain relief on induction ward, so the net result was me in full blown labour, at midnight, whilst everyone else was trying to sleep! They eventually took me to delivery at 8cms when I was finally allowed gas and air!!!!

I feel so bad now but at the time I was oblivious.

Hope you get some sleep tonight and get your lovely squishy new baby soon.

waxweasel · 07/02/2016 19:55

Also, sad as it is, I found that DH kicking off got me a lot further than me doing it - clearly they saw him as an objective and reasonable man and me as a hysterical FTM. So send your DH into battle. I am making mine come with me to my 36 week appointment just so I have an advocate on my side!

NotSoFancyNancy · 07/02/2016 20:12

Agree with Wax. Dh was listened too when I was not when dd1 was in distress. Demanded a c section. You really need to be listened to.

bumbleymummy · 07/02/2016 20:20

You poor thing Thanks I can't believe this is still going on :(

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 20:23

Paraphrasing slightly.

"They send you silly first time mums in here without educating you and you think you'll have a baby within the hour".

I stopped her and explained why I feel the way I do and I didn't have those expectations. I'm well informed! I understand induction. It wasn't the time that was the issue. But still.

I'm still waiting to move. I was top of the list but my new neighbour is hysterical so it looks like she's next to go over. If she's dilated I'm back to the bottom of the pile!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/02/2016 20:26

Not on. Not on at all. I would complain to PALS tomorrow.

RedToothBrush · 07/02/2016 20:28

vodka, you were able to stop her and still felt upset. Imagine if it was said to ms hysterical who clearly needs support...

... PLEASE complain when you get the opportunity.

Its unprofessional and bordering on misconduct.

frangipani13 · 07/02/2016 20:32

OP, i was induced for GD at 39 weeks and they used propess to get things started -is this the same as prostin? It got things moving v quickly for me.... I really really sympathise!

tobysmum77 · 07/02/2016 20:33

Said I was being a silly FTM expecting too much.

Words fail me, this FTM stuff really boils my piss what a half arsed excuse for a doctor. Lots of love, fingers crossed for the waters breaking.

Iwonderif · 07/02/2016 20:35

Sorry OP you're having a ghastly time. Flowers I'm a NX user too but it's been a while ago & ive always had sections so was never in your position. Is baby being monitored? That god awful consultant does not surprise me. Sadly I don't think you will get your section it's Sunday and if there's been an emergency section it only leaves vile consultant on the floor. Sunday's tend to have only 2-3 consultants on duty. Fingers crossed her shift is over and a warmer nicer consultant with manners and empathy will come and chat with you. Please keep us posted and fingers crossed you meet your LO very very soon.

I would send you a slice of cake emoji but alas you have GD so you can't have it! So here's a cuppa instead. Brew

Stay strong, easier said than done. They will always try to intimidate you. Let DH be your voice if you find it hard. Please contact PALS as soon as you can. Also write to the chief executive. No consultant should reduce an expectant mom to tears in the bathroom. She's a bully.

All the very best OP.

ghostyslovesheep · 07/02/2016 20:38

poor you OP :( I hope things happen soon x

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 20:39

DH who is the calmest person I know is losing it.

He doesn't lose his temper but he's had enough. If I'm still on this ward (having been seen only briefly) tomorrow he's going to request to see the ward manager. Who so far has been absent.

I totally understand the NHS is under immense pressure and I've always championed it but now I'm struggling to praise this place. There's one midwife for the entire induction unit!

OP posts:
shalalala · 07/02/2016 20:43

Oh dear - I really feel for you. Hope it all gets moving soon

goodnightdarthvader1 · 07/02/2016 20:48

Raging.

likeaboss · 07/02/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 20:53

I'm using this thread as a little log now so that when this is over I can contact PALS. I intend to complain and try and resolve things.

OP posts:
stiffstink · 07/02/2016 20:56

I tweeted the Chief Exec of our local hospital trust sitting in a waiting room when my husband had surgery (I say waiting room, 13 of us were seated next to the bed of a prisoner writhing in agony because the other waiting area was closed). The Chief Exec came looking for me in person to see for herself but I'd gone to the next 'holding pen' by then!

Please get this thread tweeted to your hospital's Chief Exec or similar. OP, you are so eloquent despite being in agony - the furthest you could be from 'silly' (even if you were silly you still deserve to have your concerns listened to snd addressed).

Backingvocals · 07/02/2016 20:57

How you've kept civil so far is a bloody miracle OP. I'm raging and swearing on your behalf. Treating vulnerable women like this at a time when they need care, calm and someone who is listening - well it's disgraceful. Can MN fury get a cervix going? If so you'll be done shortly. Bon courage for tonight /tomorrow.

Iwonderif · 07/02/2016 21:01

Good idea OP. Awful to hear there's only one MW on the induction unit?!??? We are all furious for you and your DH. Sincerely hope things change for you very very soon and LO will be in your arms before you know it.

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