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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some peace and quiet on the ward?

483 replies

vodkaredbull · 06/02/2016 03:38

It's 3:30am and I'm losing my mind.

I was admitted to antenatal yesterday morning for induction. So far fuck all is happening and I'm exhausted. In a stupid amount of pain and all I want to do is sleep.

But of course that's not going to happen is it? I'm in a bay with two other beds. Across from me is the snorer but really I could probably block her out. The problem is the other patient who is surgically attached to her fucking iPhone. It's the middle of the night and she's ringing all of her friends for a chat. Who does that when people are trying to sleep?! I don't give a fuck if she's missing a party to be induced. I want to enjoy the totally useless paracetamol they've deigned to give me and try to get a little rest.

The midwife isn't helping much either. She's rather old fashioned and I'm surprised she hasn't locked us in. I tried to go for a walk to escape iPhone girl and she escorted me back to bed.

AIBU to expect a little peace and quiet in here? Seriously losing it right now.

OP posts:
George2014 · 07/02/2016 14:24

Things change! I saw a lot of changes over the decade I was there. Some wards were good, some awful. My actual delivery suite time was good (apart from the section. They really took care of me. Antenatal was completely awful and postnatal, they just ignored me for 3 days....wish I was still working there and I'd come up and visit you and put a rocket up their arses.

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2016 14:30

GernotMinke- It's the general lack of attention. She was a consultant and the only one available due to an emcs going on. All I've heard since 7am Friday is "we're really busy" and it does feel like you're just abandoned a lot of the time.

The OP is in agony and has been left like that for far too long. No decisions are being made and they are not listening to her. Paracetamol? Come on!

2ManySweets · 07/02/2016 14:45

Has anyone actually checked on how your baby actually is? I can't believe this thread is still live/you're still in the exact same position you were in yesterday and you're having a fucking Mexican stand off with the consultant.
Guessing the hospital in special measures you mention is HEFT: believe me I am sure the "care" you're receiving right now can't get worse at any other hospital in your local area.

I feel heart sorry for you OP. I get the impression your expectations were absolutely normal going into this situation and that if anyone says "why are you surprised" believe me - our NHS may be overstretched and underfunded but there's absolutely no excuse for shit care and an absence of compassion.

Rowgtfc72 · 07/02/2016 14:55

I had DD at 37 weeks due to gestational diabetes. Went in the Tues am, had two pessarys and by the next morning was 2cm. Consultant with long fingers and the crochet hook broke my waters, I was put on a drip and had an epidural. 13 hrs later DD, who was also back to back, was heaved out with forceps. Had to stay in for four days as she was a bit cold.

Our shitty hospital, which I'm incidentally suing over my father's death is scary. The maternity unit upon the other hand is single ensuite rooms, no wards. The midwives are very overworked but lovely, nothing was too much trouble. Only fault was I couldn't identify anything they fed me,it was all brown mush for diabetics. You are very lucky to be seeing green and orange on your plateGrin

I would contact pals, tweet who you can. Good luck with getting off that ward and here's hoping for a lovely baby soon.

TheBakeryQueen · 07/02/2016 15:11

Op, I really feel for you. I don't know what the answer is, just wishing you lots of luck.
It sounds just like the care I had at Russell's Hall, I was actually wondering if that's where you were. Not far though is it? How depressing for mums-to-be in our region?

Have you got anyone who is assertive but calm, who can come in and advocate for you?
Wishing you lots of luck.

bakeoffcake · 07/02/2016 15:18

I di hope you get proper pain relief this afternoon. It's ridiculous to leave you like this.

I hope baby comes soon.Flowers

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 15:25

2Many I get a CTG once a day. One of the reasons I won't have a fourth prostin is the overstimulation put the baby in a little distress so I'm not keen to keep repeating the process.

queen I'd heard Russell's Hall was OK! Not that any hospital in our area is great. I mean look at The Manor.

It seems like they'll be getting rid of me soon. I'm on a list to go to delivery to see if they can break my waters. At 1cm I don't think that's likely but I can hope that I'm dilating naturally...

OP posts:
Headmelt · 07/02/2016 15:31

I've just read your thread op. Admittedly, if I was in your situation and they asked how I was feeling. I would say 'much better now that the giant pain in my ass has been moved to the labour suite' Grin
It's unlikely you are going to get a section today, if they are letting you eat and drink. At least you got the earplugs. Your baby will be here before you know it, hope you get some rest Flowers

Want2bSupermum · 07/02/2016 15:33

I would call Shrewsbury and let them know you are self discharging to have your DH drive you up. I am further north than you and would use the Countess for maternity with Shrewsbury as my 2nd choice.

lrb978 · 07/02/2016 15:40

It'll be Telford, not Shrewsbury now, consultant led is now at Telford. But yeah, I agree with Want2b. If not, go find PALS.

Hope you get sorted soon OP

AliceScarlett · 07/02/2016 15:52

I think you're being extremely brave, I'd be a mess. Kudos to you Flowers

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 16:34

Not sure about brave. After I saw the consultant this morning I hid in the bathroom and sobbed my heart out. I refused to get upset in front of her though!

DH has promised me some lovely food when he gets back here so I'm actually hoping I don't move for the next hour. I need something yummy!

I've thought about transferring but logistically it'd complicate things with family, DH's work etc. I'm not going to rule it out just yet but I'm taking things one step at a time. If they can't break my waters my understanding is they have to offer a section so hopefully I'll be in a better bargaining position.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 07/02/2016 16:42

vodka they broke my waters when I was about 1/2cm dilated, it was a bit ouchy but not awful

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/02/2016 16:42

That's half a cm not 1 or 2 cm btw!

ollieplimsoles · 07/02/2016 16:56

I came on the thread hoping to say congratulations but you're still there op!!! Sad

I really hope you get something sorted soon, cant believe it! X

SocksRock · 07/02/2016 17:14

Gosh, that does highlight difference in care. I was induced at the JR in Oxford and they did it in delivery rather than on a ward so no moving around. Straight in with breaking waters, drip 2 hours later, first contraction 30 minutes after that and baby 45 minutes later. I went in at 10am and was home on my sofa with a baby at 7.30pm. So it's not always bad!

lemonpoppyseed · 07/02/2016 17:19

OP, I've been checking in periodically to see if your situation had improved. You have my utmost respect. Many others would have lost it a long time ago. Wishing you a speedy delivery once things finally get going.
(And I'm not in the UK. They give you paracetamol for labour pain? WTF? Confused)

AliceScarlett · 07/02/2016 17:24

After I saw the consultant this morning I hid in the bathroom and sobbed my heart out. I refused to get upset in front of her though!

Like I said, brave! I'd be crying all over the place.

One step at a time is wise, do you have a tablet/book or something you can engage in? Or go for a walk down to the shitty shop place, might encourage things along a bit.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 07/02/2016 17:32

If you decline prostin and waters breaking, then they can either offer you a section or suggest you stay pregnant. The second position would be indefensible for them if they felt your baby actually need to be born, so they will offer a section. Stay strong with them if you want a section. Don't need to mention NICE guidelines, just repeat "I am declining more prostin and ARM (breaking waters), I am asking for a caeserean section"

I was induced at 38+2 by their (incorrect) dates, no progress with propess at all, infact went backwards, high cervix, 1cm and then it all kicked off, 15 minutes from 3cm to birth with a first baby, I wish you the same if you don't get your section.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 07/02/2016 18:06

What reason did the doc give for refusing a section?

SweetAdeline · 07/02/2016 18:18

They managed to break mine at 1.5cm so hopefully it'll work for you too! I didn't respond well to the gel/pessary but once I was on the syntocin drip things moved along pretty quickly.

Original poster
vodkaredbull · 07/02/2016 18:24

She didn't give a real reason. Said I was being a silly FTM expecting too much. I told her I wasn't but I didn't want to take a course of action that wasn't productive.

Still waiting to move. I was going to take a dip in the big bath but there's a queue. Naturally. I've got DH here keeping me company though!

OP posts:
DefinitelyNotElsa · 07/02/2016 18:33

Oh Vodka, I so feel for you. I had DD in September after an induction at 38 weeks and bloody hated the antenatal and postnatal wards.

Please complain to PALS and keep pushing for what you want.

We've all got your back!

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2016 18:50

Said I was being a silly FTM expecting too much

Complain. How dare she say that!

RedToothBrush · 07/02/2016 19:10

Said I was being a silly FTM expecting too much.

Did she say that or are you paraphrasing a lot?

If she did, and is treating you with disrespect she is not following NHS codes of conduct.

You have a RIGHT under the NHS patient charter to be with courtesy and respect.

You have a RIGHT to the most appropriate care for your situation. (Guidelines can fuck off. If you think that you are not getting adequate and appropriate care which takes into consideration your physical and mental health, then you do start having a right to 'demand' things as their care is technically substandard)

You have a RIGHT to privacy and dignity (Note here that failing to deal with the IPhone girl situation and not giving you peace and quiet might well fall under this btw)

Over the years on MN I've seen a lot of posts from FTM feeling like they have been bullied or made to feel like silly little girls and then are 'easier' patients for staff. They are full of regret for not being more assertive and challenging what was said. You are NOT silly or stupid or have too many expectations.

They are NOT looking after you well and they are making you doubt that, in saying you have too high expectations. Whether this is taking a long time or not isn't really the problem is it?

Honestly the fact you have been in tears over the consultant says it all. They need to explain things in a sensitive and compassionate manner. It is not an acceptable excuse to say they are too busy. That's when they start making women feel like they can't speak up if there is a real problem or they dismiss real issues. Every issue should be treated as a legitimate concern.