to ask if you have a 'favourite' child?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Weighing up the pros and cons of having another and this is really playing on my mind. If I could have ordered a child from a catalogue my 5yo ds would have been it. He's just fantastic. I know that other parents of PFBs must feel this way but i worry that i couldn't love another child as much as I love ds. So I wondered if I could have your honest opinions please - do you secretly have a favourite, or one that you connect with more? How do you feel about it?

I have 5 and have different relationships with all of them. They're all very different personalities but sometimes very similar, if that makes sense.

My favourite is the one who's not pissing me off at any given time

I have two - both very different personalities. One is easier than the other due to having a more laid back view on the world but it doesn't make for favourites. The other is highly strung but they both have brilliant qualities about them.

I think it goes in waves. I don't think I could favour one child over another consistently. Not only is it damaging to the child but it's just not the way fluid dynamics work in many families.

I have an only and I fear if I had another I'd have a favourite. Every parent I know has a favourite, whether they admit to it or not.

Yup, but it changes on a hourly basis

I genuinely don't have a favourite, although they are very, very different and one is much easier than the other!

Each child is different. I love them the same and at times the amount I like them can vary.

Like MrsP, they're both my favourite at different times, depending on what they're doing at that time

Wrt having enough love for both of them - the good, if slightly nauseating news on that front is that love isn't finite in that way. The more DC you have to love, the more love you have to go around.

Hell, no. I hate them both equally

Ive got 3 and my favourite is the best behaved!!!

I occasionally joke that my favourite is the one who is least annoying at that moment. Then they both try to behave for like five seconds.

Whichever one is annoying me the least at any given moment is my favourite.

I love them the same but there's times I get on better with one or the other. Depends on who's going through a dramatic phase.

No, I love and like them both equally and massively.

But my parents had a favourite, and it did a lot of damage in our family.

I genuinely don't have a favourite.

I do find that I generally may prefer doing somethings with one than the other.

I would never take ds clothes shopping, he is 4 and thinks it's 'sssoooo boring' but dd loves it.

If when ds is older he loves clothes shopping I will take him.

I would rather take ds out when I am walking the dog as he chases the dog, and it tires them both out. Dd just starts asking when we are going home.

What they all said.

When my son was about 2 and a half he was a bit of a nightmare, and my daughter was a lovely 6 month old. So I felt like I favoured the baby.

Then when she was about 3 and a half he was a lovely 5 and a half year old (they get lovely when they are settled into school and suddenly learn the world doesn't revolve around them don't they?)

Now my daughter is that lovely 6 year old who is just settled into school and my son is an 8 year old with attitude.

I expect in 7 years he will be a lovely oafish 15 year old and she will be a nightmare 13 year old bitch. Or something. But my point is, swings and roundabouts.

My favourite is the one who's not pissing me off at any given time
This!

And even the ones who piss you off for loooong periods of time can suddenly turn a corner and be a joy to know.

I remember carrying my second child and being really annoyed as people were fussing and I said my toddler came first, not the baby. I did feel weird when carrying dc2. I didn't like the wriggles as it felt odd and I did worry what if I didn't love them as dc1 was my world.

I now have three and all is fine. Love them all immensely.

Mine take it in turns to wind me up, so it pans out pretty evenly. There is one of the four who I suppose is the most like me - we have interests in common, very similar personalities etc - but while sometimes that makes us very close, other times I see in him the bits of me I dislike, if that makes sense.

OP - every parent who has more than one child worries about this. But the reality is your next child will be different - maybe more challenging, maybe more funny, maybe more sporty - and you'll love them regardless. You don't split the love - you just find more.

My favourite is the one who's going through the sleeping all night phase. But I love them both equally, an amazing amount.

Whatever one isn't being an arsehole.

Whichever one is behaving at the time!

If I put my two on a bar-graph of all their personality and behavioural traits, asking myself who I appreciate more, they would average out the same.

The older one is poised for adulthood and I've felt a less visceral, maternal attachment in recent years, more a loving appreciation of an equal.

I still feel like a lioness towards the younger one. The world had better watch out!