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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you have a 'favourite' child?

189 replies

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/01/2016 14:47

Weighing up the pros and cons of having another and this is really playing on my mind. If I could have ordered a child from a catalogue my 5yo ds would have been it. He's just fantastic. I know that other parents of PFBs must feel this way but i worry that i couldn't love another child as much as I love ds. So I wondered if I could have your honest opinions please - do you secretly have a favourite, or one that you connect with more? How do you feel about it?

OP posts:
hesterton · 03/01/2016 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 03/01/2016 18:21

I have two DCs and most certainly do not have a favourite. God I love them with every fibre of me. They're both amazing (and frustrating) in their own ways but I couldn't pick one above the other

Believeitornot · 03/01/2016 18:22

I will add I am careful to try and be as fair as I can - worried that they might think one is a favourite (because I felt my mum favoured my brother over me). I've got siblings without rivalry which helps and I also am very careful not to compare the two. But who knows how it'll work out.

PeridotPassion · 03/01/2016 18:24

No, I don't have a favourite.

My two are both totally different in personality and i'm so proud of both of them, but often for different things and in different ways.

However, dh and I sometimes have a rock, paper, scissors contest (secretly!) over who has to sit next to ds2 in a restaurant. He is much harder work than ds1 and the age has nowt to do with it.

Sunbeam1112 · 03/01/2016 18:30

I don't think its favourism but your relationships are different to one another depending on age and gender. My 7 DS can be obxious and stroppy my 2year DD clingy and smothering. Both have good and bad traits.

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 03/01/2016 19:23

I was worried when pregnant with No 2, about this. I needn't have! Within minutes of my 2nd being born, I couldn't choose between them. You will love your second child just the same as your first. Go for it!

MummyPig24 · 03/01/2016 20:22

My favourite child is the one who is being least annoying at any given moment.

Meeep · 03/01/2016 20:31

I don't have a favourite and I don't think my parents had a favourite either hesterton. Unless I'm just unobservant about their favouritism, which might be the case actually, I don't notice much going on around me (oh I hope it's me who is the favourite then!).

2gorgeousboys · 03/01/2016 20:34

Slightly different to you but DS1 was PFB for 4.3 years and I was really worried about him feeling left out when DS2 was born so went out of my way to make sure he didn't. To the extent that I thought DS2 wouldn't mind who was cuddling him as long as he was being cuddled where as DS1 would know if he wasn't getting Mummy's attention. I struggled to bond with DS2 initially because of this but actually you find your way and after a couple of weeks or so of night feeds and gazing at my baby boy I realised I loved them both.

I now love them both equally but differently, DS2 (11) is my baby boy who likes to go for a coffee and chat with me and DS1 (15) is fabulous company and turning into a lovely young man.

I think you have to make sure you make time for them as individuals. DH and I both have one on one time with each them regularly.

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 03/01/2016 20:45

I have identical twins. They are so different I could never have a favourite. That's not to say I don't like one of them more than the other at any given time depending on behaviour!

My mum had a favourite (not me) and it's made me determined not to.

RonaldMcDonald · 03/01/2016 20:46

yes, from time to time but it varies

80schild · 03/01/2016 20:49

I adore both my children and love them more with every passing year. They are so different that I couldn't choose a favourite.

I know my parents didn't have a favourite either, although my sister always got the lion share of attention because she was so horrible. Maybe that is a post for another thread though.

Strangertides1 · 03/01/2016 20:54

Some one I know put a mimi on fb that read 'I love my children but the one that still naps I love even more'. lol. I have a nearly 4 and nearly 2 year old. The oldest has been hard work since he was 15 months. Lets describe him as 'passionate' rather than stubborn, wilful, possessive and whingey. The youngest, so far, is by far the happiest of the two. I think 80% he is my favourite simple because he's less hard work, being 6 months pg and struggling day to day with pg easily is nice. But I love then equally. The oldest is also intelligence, a brilliant conversationalist , can take him any where, emotionally and loving. He told me today he was worried about me, bless him. And equally the youngest can stubborn, and liked to hit ....... anybody!! X

Conundrumparpapumpum · 03/01/2016 21:21

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Titsywoo · 03/01/2016 21:21

Everyone always thinks they won't love their second as much as their first. You'll probably be surprised by the strength of emotion you will have for your second. And the fact that you'll shout at your eldest when they hurt your baby. But you will love them equally. There is not a finite supply of love Wink

thefourgp · 03/01/2016 21:27

I agree with hesterton. My mother treated my sister and I equally but my dad always clearly favoured my sister. I was determined not to show any favouritism and I can honestly say I love both my children equally.

thefourgp · 03/01/2016 21:29

I also worried I might not love my second as much as the first when pregnant but there's always enough love to go around no matter how many children you have. It's not like the tap goes dry. Lol. X

knobblyknee · 03/01/2016 21:31

YANBU, thats actually a good question. I think if you went ahead and had a second child you would have to just make a point to accept them as they are, warts and all.
Personally I wish I'd had a second child, first child was a dream but now he is older you can tell he was an only child even though I did my best to make up for that.

reni2 · 03/01/2016 21:38

Many people believe their parents had a favourite, very very few admit to having one themselves. On this thread, some think their parents did and none think they do.

Unless having a favourite was more common in years gone by, the ones who do have a favourite don't admit it or people who do have one don't post on here.

foxy6 · 03/01/2016 21:42

I have 5 dc's, 19, 18, 16, 12 and 8. I love all dc's equally and If I had to chose between them, I couldn't. They are all different and at different stages of their lives. They need me at different amounts and in different ways.
At present my favourite is ds4 who is 8, why? Simply for the fact that out of them all he is still at a stage where he needs me more than the others and he wants to do things with his mum. The others are getting more and more independent. At different stages they have all been my favourite and this could change tomorrow.

thefourgp · 03/01/2016 21:42

A guy I work with told me he favours his eight year old and finds his five year old too much work - his wife has repeatedly warned him never to tell the children but I suspect they'll know.

thugmansion · 03/01/2016 21:43

I do have a favourite. My third (of four) is inexplicably my favourite.

TheFairyCaravan · 03/01/2016 21:53

I don't. My mum has, it's always shown and it's caused no end of hurt.

I've got 2dses (21&19) they're both different but they are both perfect. When you have a second, or susequent children, your love doesn't run out it grows.

nocakes · 03/01/2016 21:57

Can't deny I have a favourite. My youngest of 2 is easier, more cheerful, far less embarrassing , bucketloads more polite,I could go on. I love them both equally. But I do have a favourite

BirdyBedtime · 03/01/2016 22:12

Going to buck the trend and admit that I do. I love DD and DS passionately but find many dislikeable traits in DD's personality which I suspect are down to her being too much like me!! Sometimes she is very hard to like. But I will say they are balanced by some very lovely actions. DS however (up until now) is fun to be with and even when he's hard work he's still likeable. I'm fully prepared to say differently in 10 years time though.