to ask if you have a 'favourite' child?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Weighing up the pros and cons of having another and this is really playing on my mind. If I could have ordered a child from a catalogue my 5yo ds would have been it. He's just fantastic. I know that other parents of PFBs must feel this way but i worry that i couldn't love another child as much as I love ds. So I wondered if I could have your honest opinions please - do you secretly have a favourite, or one that you connect with more? How do you feel about it?

[Hihohoho1]

I have 4 and I am amazed at the poster who says everyone has a favourite

Bizarre and very silly statement.

Of course most people don't. If you go you must be a twat.

[lehcar75]

Yes my eldest son is my favourite..... I love them equally, but like my eldest more. I can't help the way I feel, and I don't feel guilty because they will never know!

[sleeponeday]

Yes I have a favourite child - all parents do really, some just don't lie, to admit it

Nope. They don't. My kids are so different it's shocking to me, and I genuinely can't pick an inch more affection, pride or liking in either. I wouldn't feel remotely ashamed or guilty if I did, as long as I strove to hide it, because that isn't something you can control. I just don't prefer one to the other. They are both fabulous kids.

Of course, I prefer mine to every single other kid I have ever encountered, and by a mile. But that is another topic.

[reni2]

I know someone who has twin girls, 4yo and non-identical. She loves them equally, but everyone else prefers one. One is really sweet tempered and unusually pretty, the other much plainer and a bit grumpy. Guess who gets all the love and compliments from wider family and strangers alike. It's not just parents who have a favourite and the poor girl must have noticed by now.

[JoffreyBaratheon]

I have 5 and as others say, you love them all an equal amount but in different ways. And it changes all the time. No 2 has autism and dyspraxia - he's now a young adult (Art student) and must admit when he's home, he's probably the one I have the most in common with and, maybe due to his disabilities, we always all felt hugely protective of him. But that doesn't take away from how much we love the others.

My parents definitely had favourites - my mum's was my brother and dad's was mine. And then when dad was a grandparent, my No 2 son was definitely his favourite of his 7 grandkids - he did nothing to hide it, either! When he died he left Son 2 his most prized possession (his red beret from when he was a para).

[carrie74]

I genuinely do not have a favourite, but one is very independent (eldest), and the other is on the ASD, and needs a lot of support (youngest), so sometimes it may appear I'm favouring the youngest, but it's just he can't do all the things that eldest could at the same age.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

My sisters claim I was favoured as the youngest. In reality, eldest was pfb but parents were stricter with her because they were learning how to parent. My other sis was (and still can be) a stroppy cow (love her to bits though) who had a torrid time as a teenager and fought with my parents over everything. I was very easy going and for the most was, according to my parents, easier to 'parent' as they'd learned from the first two not to sweat the small stuff. And I learned from their 'run ins'. They love us equally, they've just changed over time.

[TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief]

I genuinely do not have a favourite child and I am definitely not a rare specimen.

[JasperDamerel]

I think my sister thinks I was the favourite child. I was quiet and studious and well behaved, and she was clever but far more sociable and got up to more typical teen naughtiness. I was the one they didn't have to worry about (although probably they should have done because I was actually pretty depressed during my late teens). I don't think that our parents loved me more, but I certainly had an easier relationship with them when we were younger. And I do think that she resents me for that.

[Unexpectedsocialist]

LineyReborn and Lexlee the other thing that I find fascinating is that we have had nobody share a story about their parents where they have said "Oh, I was totally the favourite in my family, and I knew it".

Everyone who has called out a favourite has pointed out it was another child. Is it a fair assumption that if you are the favourite you have therefore had a better life because of it?

It's a fascinating area, probably really interesting for someone to investigate and do research on.

[OvO]

As for not having enough love for 2 I found it easier to just love my DS2.

That sounds wrong, I just mean that with my DS1 there was all the worry about being the one in charge of keeping a helpless baby alive. The terror! I loved him of course but there was lots of 'am I doing this right', 'what if he gets ill, what do I dooooo?', 'how am I meant to keep him safe his whole life'

BUT when you're next one arrives you know you can do it, you're already a mum, you haven't broken the one you already have, so there's less worry and more headspace to just feel the love. (God, that sounds boakwothy, sorry folks).

When my DS2 arrived I was so loved up with my whole family. They all seemed amazing. Even DH! .

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

Ask me again in a month though and it may be different :)
I'd never express this to them and I love them both dearly

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

Atm, my fave is my 6yr old, as he doesn't whinge and cry for everything like his 2yr old dsis does!

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Love it when people claim to know my own mind and affections better than I do

[BackforGood]

Absolute rot thugmansion, and whoever you quoted it from.

[thugmansion]

Yes I have a favourite child - all parents do really, some just don't lie, to admit it smile.

As a child I had a favourite parent, still do...

This :)

[Cookingwine]

Middle child was our least favourite for a while as she was so hard work compared to her easy and smiling and rewarding siblings. Turned out she has autism and since we found out we are in awe about her incredible resilience and determination in face of such a confusing and threatening world. We have finally understood how she "works" and stopped pressing her buttons and she is the most lovely little girl ever. It was really difficult in the beginning because we thought we had a least favourite and felt terrible about it. Now I can genuinely say that we don't have a favourite, but bonding with middle DD took a while.

[Tamponlady]

I love my children both however I have more in common with my daughter she enjoys shopping , going for lunch and she loves crafting

[Jw35]

breakwind that's a big hang up! Sorry about the pnd your mum favouring one doesn't mean you will! Have another baby if deep down you'd like another, definitely don't have an only child out of fear of things going wrong. As your mum made you feel that way it just won't happen to your kids! X

[Ellieboolou27]

Ooooh I could have written that post 5 months ago when I was about to give birth to my second (she's now 4 months) I felt resentful at the thought of sharing my time with pfb until........ She arrived, 6 weeks of hell but now totally and utterly in love (helps that she slept through from 9 weeks)! To be fair I now feel resentful that I don't get enough time with my second. It's hard work and the first few weeks I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my like, thankful to say I am so happy to have two healthy happy girls, good luck!

[Purplehonesty]

I have a favourite! It's dd. She is sweet and cuddly and hardly any trouble.
Ds is noisy and loud and argues and never listens or does what he is told.
I still love him more than life itself but dd is my favourite.
That's awful isn't it.

[iMogster]

When you have your first, you love them with your whole heart and can't imagine sharing that love out. When you have your second, you love them both with your whole heart.
I have no favourite.

[BreakWindandFire]

My mother had a favourite, and it certainly wasn't me. It was extremely damaging.

I've deliberately chosen to ensure that DS is an only child. I decided that before I even got pregnant. In the end I had PND, physical ill health and trouble bonding. This confirmed my decision as I feared that a subsequent 'good' pregnancy and birth would end up with me favouring DC2.

[Jw35]

Nobody loves each of my two children as much as I do. Both of them. When my youngest was born last year the eldest was 11. I thought I was favouring the baby in my mind because I was all maternal and emotional and the 11 year old was more independent. Then the 11 yo was 15 mins late home from school one day (she was catching the bus) and I went to pieces! I thought if anything happened to her my life would be over. I felt the love so strong and imagining her sad or hurt made me a total wreck. The bus was just late and she strolled in like nothing happened! I love them both, no favourite! Due a 3rd in the summer and can't wait to have more sunshine in my life