to ask if you have a 'favourite' child?

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Weighing up the pros and cons of having another and this is really playing on my mind. If I could have ordered a child from a catalogue my 5yo ds would have been it. He's just fantastic. I know that other parents of PFBs must feel this way but i worry that i couldn't love another child as much as I love ds. So I wondered if I could have your honest opinions please - do you secretly have a favourite, or one that you connect with more? How do you feel about it?

[GabiSolis]

I prefer the dog.

[ExBallerina]

Gabi

My Ddog also wishes she was an only. Still not forgiven me for Dcat.

[ReadyPlayerOne]

Same as others have said, my favourite is whichever one is behaving the best at any given time. Some days my favourite changes every half hour! I have 3 children and I love them all equally, but my relationship is different which each of them. In part this is due to their ages (6 1/2, 3 1/2 and 6 months)

[steppemum]

ballerina - if you had read my post, you will see that the whole point is you are observing FROM THE OUTSIDE.

As my post says, from the outside, my kids are easy/cute/loveable/difficult/hard to manage/cause me grief etc etc

But from the inside, no, the love isn't different and there isn't a favourite. So unless you know a very weird group of people, then the consensus on this thread is - no, you don't have favourites.

But then you did say we were deluding ourselves if we thought that we didn't, because according to you all parents have favourite, because, yeah right, you would know, not having more than one child and jumping to conclusions based on what you have seen...

[ExBallerina]

I tend to zone out after I'm called stupid.

Probably don't even pay attention to my own child. Zoning out too much.

I can't imagine paying attention to more than one child at a time.

[RandomMess]

I have 4 dds and absolutely do not have a favourite a love each of them beyond measure and they all drive me crazy at times...

[Marcipex]

Also going with the dog

[Figmentofmyimagination]

Not exactly answering your question, but an important point you need to remember is that as well as the love you give to each, your two children will develop a unique special bond with each other, making their lives richer. In the short term, their secret lives will contain much more 'on tap' entertainment, while in the long term, a strong positive sibling bond is an extraordinary gift.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

I honestly do not have a favourite. I love all 3 of mine to the ends of the earth. They have all accused me of favouring another at some time or other though!

Occasionally, one or other needs more of my attention, for whatever reason, and that can be seen as 'favouritism' by them, but I just try to explain that to them as best I can. My ds1 is very self-sufficient and independent, my ds2 less so, and needs his mum's support more (homework, looking after himself etc). My dd is a little over-demanding of my attention at times, and tends to throw a strop if another child is getting my attention.

My DH and I go to great lengths to each have individual time with each of them. But it's hard work!

OP, I can remember when I only had DS1 thinking that I could never love another child as much, but you just do.

[LikeASoulWithoutAMind]

I remember worrying about this when I was pg with dc2. I think many if not most parents do?

As it turns out I love them all differently and the same.

[BitOutOfPractice]

When I was pregnant with dc2 I worried about this too. But my mom explained it like this: the love doesn't divide in two, it doubles.

I genuinely don't have a favourite. I love them both totally equally.

[enderwoman]

Yes but it changes several times a day so evens out.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

It is a very taboo subject isnt it. Up to now I've only be blessed with one child, but I wouldn't say mums have favorites as such, but I suppose if a parent has say 5 children there is a strong possibility that they'll have a stronger connection with one of them.

[Katedotness1963]

I have one who is easy going, loveable and a pleasure to be around. The other is just like me... Yes, there's a favourite. I think most people have a child they prefer spending time with.

[BrideOfWankenstein]

I have 2 - 10 yo DS and 1 yo DD. I don't have favourites, but obviously my DD gets more attention than her brother and sometimes I feel guilty about it.
I'm trying to give him my attention as much as I can. I hope he understands it.

[Hetty3838]

The dog- she is always pleased to see me, is forever happy and enthusiastic and doesn't give me attitude.

[Scholes34]

Favourite of my three is the one who gives the quickest and bestest answer to the question "who loves mum the most?"

[sparklewater]

I was scared that I wouldn't love number 2 as much, esp as I wasn't 100% sure I wanted another.

Turns out I found ds (4 months ) easier to love than dd (5), simply because I knew how to let myself go. It's amazing how quickly it evens out.

[DinoSnores]

I'd agree with the others that I do have a favourite, but it changes minute by minute, depending on how they are behaving!

I find the baby stage quite hard until they are able to communicate a bit more (not necessarily by talking), so just feel that I am beginning to know my 1yo properly now, but I love the stage her 2-5 year old siblings are at. It is a lot of fun.

[chillycurtains]

Honestly, yes I have a favourite but not in terms of love. I have three DC, all two years apart and one is easier to be with and more chilled out and fun than the others. But I don't treat them any different and don't love any of them any less. I would do anything for all three of them. I just find one of them more pleasant and enjoyable to spend time with. I'd obviously never let them know this. I wouldn't let the worry of this put you off having another child. You will love them evenly.

[PotteringAlong]

My favourite is definitely the one that's asleep, whoever that might be!

[Pobspits]

Not right now!!!!!!!!

I had the same worries as you when I was pregnant with dc2.

Dc1 is much much more like me in every way and I feel like I've always known him if that makes sense? Dc2 is totally NOT like me at all in any way but she's brilliant and a total breath of fresh air - she keeps us all on our toes!

I wouldn't swap either of them for the world but they can both drive me demented too

[ColinFirthsGirth]

I have two and one is much more difficult than the other but I definitely don't have a favourite. I love them both equally as much. Having more than one child doesn't mean you have less love to go around. Love isn't like that. There is always enough to go around.