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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:26

When I say "leave" I mean for the Nativity, not for good Grin

OP posts:
andsoimback · 09/12/2015 06:28

I've never been to anything at either dcs school things. It's not the end of the world. I'm a teacher. Is there anyone else who can go so your child has someone there?

Enjolrass · 09/12/2015 06:29

It really depends.

If it goes live on Friday how important is it that your are there?

I have missed plays at school before as I was lead on something going on. If something had gone tits up, it was my job to make sure it was fixed asap.

SevenOfNineTrue · 09/12/2015 06:29

I personally wouldn't leave without permission. You could jeopardise your job.

turningvioletviolet · 09/12/2015 06:29

I think YABU. Sorry. You just have to suck some things up. I've parented 3 dcs over 18 years and have had to miss many things. FWIW, i doubt any of them would remember whether i had attended their nativity play when they were 4.

IguanaTail · 09/12/2015 06:30

And yet if you are in breach of your contract, you may well be leaving for good.

It's your manager's decision isn't it. If she says yes then you know it's with reluctance but at least you can go. If she says no then you would need to decide whether or not your child's nativity is more important than potential dismissal.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2015 06:32

As she hasn't actually said no could you plead again, with the emphasise on making up the hour and half or whatever when you get back. It's tough op.

fitzbilly · 09/12/2015 06:33

It's not with risking your job over.

fitzbilly · 09/12/2015 06:34

It's not worth in even.

Unless you have permission, don't leave. It's only a nativity.

ArmchairTraveller · 09/12/2015 06:34

' I've never been to anything at either dcs school things. It's not the end of the world. I'm a teacher. Is there anyone else who can go so your child has someone there?'

Ditto, how much are you prepared to risk in your job? It's part of the very tricky balancing act between work and parenting. can her dad go, or a grandparent? Mine coped perfectly well if there was a body in the audience, not so fussed who.

Inertia · 09/12/2015 06:36

You would be unreasonable to just walk out, I expect it would be a sackable offence.

It would be reasonable to ask whether you can go but make up the time lost - work through lunch, stay late etc.

Stimpack · 09/12/2015 06:37

You'd be lucky if you don't end up being sacked.

DoreenLethal · 09/12/2015 06:40

Does you job pay for mortgage/rent/food/clothing etc? If it does and you need it, then you would be very foolish to just leave. If not, then knock yourself out.

Sirzy · 09/12/2015 06:46

If you would be leaving work short staffed or struggling then you would be unreasonable.

Could you not have swapped shifts with someone in advance when the dates came out?

I missed Ds first nativity last year due to work, nothing I could do I let his nan have the ticket instead.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 06:51

I would speak to your boss again, it all sounds a bit vague. Are you actually being denied the time off or are they saying you can go but they're not thrilled with it?

I would definitely keep trying. Being there for these things is so important for little ones.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 09/12/2015 06:51

Have they actually said no?

nephrofox · 09/12/2015 06:52

How far is school? You could be there and back in an hour? I'd speak to manager again and make it clear how many hours you've worked recently and you need this particular one off

gamerwidow · 09/12/2015 06:52

It is exceptional circumstances at work with go live on a new project so it's not like they are just being arsey for the sake of it.
I would ask your manager if you can see how the land lies on Friday and if no problems by 1.30 can you leave and make the time up. If there are problems you will have to commit to staying though.

Savagebeauty · 09/12/2015 06:54

I agree with the others.
You would be mad to leave if you have not been granted permission.

greenfolder · 09/12/2015 06:55

If you mean you are in a situation where it is really your judgement call and you are not damaging your career then yes, go if you can. It does matter to dc to have someone there, to point at and wave in my humble opinion. I learnt that the hard way. With dd3 I can't go to everything but go to a fair bit

Stillwishihadabs · 09/12/2015 06:57

Does your daughter have 2 parents ? If not any doting GPS ? Otherwise ask another Mum to look out for dd , wave at her etc. No you can't walk out of work, this time of year is a nightmare for working parents.

ArmchairTraveller · 09/12/2015 06:59

It's unusual to have only one performance, and no early evening ones.
Perhaps you could suggest that to the school for next year.

Dancergirl · 09/12/2015 07:00

Someone else's mum just doesnt cut it, talk to your boss again OP.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 09/12/2015 07:00

I wouldn't risk it, OP. Where I am, if you walk out unauthorised (i.e.. not given permission to leave by a manager) then it goes down as AWOL and you get a disciplinary and possible suspension. If it happens again, you get sacked.

Darrowisred · 09/12/2015 07:02

It depends on how much trouble you might get into. I would be so upset at the thought of missing dcs nativity too. But if you stand to land yourself in deep shit then be careful. Good luck!

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