Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 09/12/2015 10:37

Hmm. Tricky one.

On the one hand, I'd be sad to miss my child's nativity too.

On the other hand, this isn't just any old day at work. Go live at the end of a big project is a critical day. Your boss isn't saying no just for the sake of it.

Is there any way you can play it by ear and only go if things are going well?

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/12/2015 11:30

You have asked, been refused permission and given the reasons.
Of course you can't walk out.
This is what annoys people in the workplace about working mothers.
(I missed most of my children's performances because I was a teacher.)

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 11:50

YABU. It's a bummer that you can't go, but if everyone took the attitude that they'll just 'walk out' when refused leave, how would that work?
And I'm sorry, but mums don't trump everyone else in the workplace.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 11:51

Oh, and pulling a sickie as a pp suggested would just make you look even worse. People aren't stupid and they don't like being treated as if they are.

Shutthatdoor · 09/12/2015 11:52

[cough]....[cough].... are you starting to feel poorly OP???

Any manager would see straight through that one.

Completely silly idea.

00100001 · 09/12/2015 11:53
Grin
Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 11:57

I'm quite surprised by all the people saying it doesn't matter if you attend a child's nativity or not. Do you have short memories? I remember how important it was to me as a child, and if my parents did miss something I was quite upset (and I can still remember it now!) [auote]

My nephew was playing Joseph in his school play two years ago. On his big day his mum was in bed with a chest infection, his dad was called urgently into work, so his granddad went and took his little brother as well. They sat in the audience and clapped their hands off and my nephew (aged 5) was perfectly happy, and enjoyed telling his parents about it afterwards.
I think, once kids are aware why you can't go and have someone in the audience, they deal with these things.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 11:57

His granddad took my nephew's little brother, not his own one Smile.

MrsTrentReznor · 09/12/2015 12:02

I wouldn't have asked, I'd have told them I would be off for a few hours. I find that if you assume, you often get when it comes to time off!

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 12:05

If an employee 'just told me' they'd be off for a few hours on a day when an important project was going live, I would be less than impressed.

00100001 · 09/12/2015 12:11

I wouldn't care if my boss was livid at me or not. Family is far more important than colleagues.

MrsTrentReznor · 09/12/2015 12:13

It's not a demand. I'm polite, I generally don't get refused. If a manager "just told me" I had to miss my DC's first nativity even though I'm pretty much surplus, and generally go out of my way to get projects out on time, then I'd probably take my (pretty Damn hardworking) loyalty elsewhere.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 12:14

Yes, it is for all of us. But that doesn't mean that people can just walk out on an important day at work. Do you seriously think that all of the people who show up for work that day think that work is more important than family?
And if you lose your job because your boss is livid with you, where does that leave your family?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/12/2015 12:14

Do you have a deputy (or someone who could be a deputy?) for an hour or so to cover you?

If not, I think you should speak to the school and ask for more notice - two weeks is ridiculous, the project go-live date will have been set well before that.

I wouldn't just go, though. Whatever anyone here thinks, your manager has made it clear that she thinks you're required at work on Friday to be responsible for your project, and that she has cancelled her own plans to also be present. If you can find a compromise (take it as a very late lunch?) that's brilliant, if not, your job will be more important than your child's nativity over the next year. It'd be a shame to miss it, of course, but it's also a shame that it was planned on a day that you're already busy, and that you only got two weeks notice of it. The school could have issued a "Save the date" type thing months ago.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 12:15

The manager didn't 'just tell her', she explained her reason.

I'm hardworking and polite, as are most of my colleagues. We still can't 'just tell' our managers that we're not going to be around on a particularly busy day. You're being ridiculous.

catsrus · 09/12/2015 12:17

Shock at the suggestion that it's ok to just leave work to go to a child's school event. This is not an emergency situation, it's a school play.

teacherwith2kids · 09/12/2015 12:18

I wouldn't care if my boss was livid at me or not. Family is far more important than colleagues.

But that's not the point. OP could get herself into really hot water - disciplinary, dismissal, being thought of first when redundancies come round - through 'just taking' leave that she has been refused.

I have missed countless things my children have done over the years. The most painful ones have been DD dancing her solos competitively in festivals without me being there. I still hate that, and she's nearly a teenager, but I make arrangements with other mums to be her 'special person' to go to for costume changes, hair malfunctions etc etc.

Equally at the nativity, if you ask a friend to be her 'special person' - to video if possible, to photograph, to specially go up and say 'well done', to catch her eye and wave - then the impact of your absence will be much reduced, and there won't be such joepardy to your employment.

(DH worked over a full family Christmas one year because an implementation he wasn't even directly responsible for went a little awry. The more junior staff who were directly responsible for it a) really appreciated the backup and b) gave up their own Christmases to sort it and loved it that DH did too. Do I or he begrudge that time? No - and he has reaped huge benefits in terms of staff morale, esteem etc as a result ..)

MrsTrentReznor · 09/12/2015 12:20

I'm not, it's give and take. We have a company wide compulsory event every year. This year it fell on a very big family day for me.
I told my boss I couldn't make it, and worked through to 11pm the night before to give my collegues a leg up the next day.
No one suffered and I got my time off.

PartridgeFairysparkles · 09/12/2015 12:21

Also kids don't generally do just the one nativity play these days. Between two DDs there have been ten.

AliceInUnderpants · 09/12/2015 12:24

Similarly I also dropped to a four day week coming back from dc2 as this would facilitate being able to attend certain things

But, unfortunately, this isn't one of those "certain things"

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 12:26

II agree there has to be 'give and take'. But that doesn't mean that you can 'take' whenever it suits you. You still have to fit in with company requirements. This is a particularly busy and important day, and the Manager herself has cancelled arrangements because it's 'all hands on deck'.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 09/12/2015 12:31

If you walked out of work where I work you'd be fired, instant dismissal, gross misconduct, etc. Even if they don't Fire you I IMagine you'd be first in line for any redundancies, looked over for promotion.

So it depends how bothered you are about the potential implications.

NoSquirrels · 09/12/2015 12:32

OP, even if this year is a bust, I would bring it up with school and ask (politely) via the PTFA or the parent council or parent reps or whatever system your school have, that the school give more notice of key events.

In my experience nativity play dates are arranged by early September, so the parents could have notice of that date earlier. Fair enough some things will always be last minute (please bring in a cake on Monday, please join us for a class reading day on Tuesday etc.) but big events in a school year are usually organised well in advance, and it is good for the school to keep parents happy!

Also if there is only one performance, they might reconsider that - we have had evening performances, and it's usually on at least 2 different days.

Daisysbear · 09/12/2015 12:34

The fault here is really with the school for not giving more notice and showing consideration for working parents. Taking it out on your Manager and colleagues, or trying to make out that your manager is being mean, is unfair.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 09/12/2015 12:34

And I know it's sad if you don't get to see it but honestly your dd won't be as bothered as you.

My parents were both teachers, they never came to a single day time nativity, not a single sports day, never came on school trips like other parents, never came to concerts. Even at reception age I understood.

When my dd was at primary I missed loads of stuff because of work. Even missed her first day at school!