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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
SelfLoathing · 09/12/2015 07:36

have you ever actually been to a school nativity play?!? Why anyone would want to go is a mystery! I would welcome the excuse!

More seriously, you are being ridiculous.

Your child won't remember. And even if she does, she'll survive. It's a hardly the crime of the century. It's probably a valuable life lesson in terms of independence and responsibilities.

More importantly as others have said, you have a contract and a job and are being paid to honour that contract. You may want to go but in the grand scheme of things a nativity play is utterly utterly trivial. Do not go without permission you would be really stupid.

Nothighgaphere · 09/12/2015 07:36

In the circumstances you have described I would ask manager again about your extended lunchbreak. If she says no I would go higher. I would definitely fight as hard as I could to go, but if you really have fought and the answer is no, it's a no. I wouldn't accept your first discussion as the final word. I hate this sort of thing, it leads to bitterness. Good luck. Kids do know and remember.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive · 09/12/2015 07:37

If your job is round the clock can you negotiate to go and come back? So you leave at 1:30, see the play but arrange after school care then come back and work for 4:30 and work through until 7pm/8pm? Offer a bit extra if needed?

I wouldn't leave unless you don't need the job, but I'd think about looking for a new one where they were more flexible.

londonrach · 09/12/2015 07:37

Op abit shocked you even thinking of doing this. Take it you dont need your job. Your manager has cancelled her lunch date with friends surely shows you how important this going live is. Her lunch date is no more important to her than your dd play is to you. Sometimes you have to miss things. Unless your manager says yes to your leave you cant go! (Not unless you want to return to no job).

OliviaBenson · 09/12/2015 07:43

If the employees cannot spare her for 2 hours there is something seriously wrong."

Urm there are plenty of jobs where you couldn't just leave for two hours. My employers are really flexible but they wouldn't let me do this on the day of a major project launch and I'd accept that.

Is it worth losing your job over a play?

ToffeeForEveryone · 09/12/2015 07:44

Go back and ask them again. Explain that it is really important to you, will only take X hours and you will be back in afterwards, and perhaps offer to be contactable by mobile for the time you are out of the office.

If they still say no, and you need to keep the job, then no, I don't think you can just leave the office anyway without risking getting sacked / impacting your future prospects.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 09/12/2015 07:50

I missed my daughter's first nativity because it was during my work hours. Shame, but thems the breaks. I wouldn't walk out of my job having been told I shouldnt. There will be other nativities! I missed my son's year 1 nativity too because I didn't have any childcare for the youngest.

I love my children with all my heart but sometimes it isn't practical to put them above literally everything else.

Prettyinblue · 09/12/2015 07:50

What a shit situation. I hate missing plays etc.

I would ask again and over to do extra hours. It's fuck all like missing a lunch date that can be repeated any day of the week. A first nativity happens once.

MrsDeVere · 09/12/2015 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cashewnutty · 09/12/2015 07:53

You have made a request and that request has been denied. Your boss has already told you that she has cancelled lunch plans. Neither are important or critical. It's not the end of the world and you and your DD will survive. It will be much worse for your DD if you lose your job over this. I think you have to go to work. If they can let you away on Friday then all good. If not you can't go. Simple as that.

Moreisnnogedag · 09/12/2015 07:54

I miss 99% of my ds things although recently went to a school nativity. It was good but it wouldn't have been worth pissing my boss off for it.

Duckdeamon · 09/12/2015 07:55

It's unlikely to be a sackable offence but you may well get a disciplinary warning.

If the manager won't budge and you have to miss it and think this is unfair in the business circumstances then you could raise the matter afterwards under the organisation's grievance procedure.

MrRobot · 09/12/2015 07:59

The OP isn't entitled to walk out for two hours just because she has asked her manager!

foragogo · 09/12/2015 08:04

I dont see why they csnt spare you fir s couple of hours, especially if theres lots of tech support. I think you should try and bargain. could you offer to be on call that evening in case of issues or go back afterwards to mop up.

GnomeDePlume · 09/12/2015 08:10

From experience, having someone there who has been involved in training can be helpful. Sometimes people just need to be reassured that they are doing the right thing.

On go live day it is all about the emotion and confidence.

Russellgroupserf · 09/12/2015 08:13

Could end up with a disciplinary but more likely you would cast yourself in the role of not dedicated enough. Which though more subtle would have long term damage to your prospects and would go against you.

Duckdeamon · 09/12/2015 08:15

Our school lets a few parents who can't attend and ask nicely watch the "dress rehearsal" if that could be an option. My friend said she found it fun (bloopers etc!) and got a better view!

Birdsgottafly · 09/12/2015 08:17

I'm going to get flamed, but my advice is to sniff something disgusting and vomit.

You'll be sent home.

Birdsgottafly · 09/12/2015 08:18

Just to ad, I was lucky, my children's school always did day and evening shows.

Shakey15000 · 09/12/2015 08:23

It's shit but I would miss the nativity. Nobody is dispensable and in today's work climate, I wouldn't risk it.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/12/2015 08:31

Ask again and explain why it's so important. Suggest you take late lunch at 1.30 and come back for extra two hours as soon as you've finished at play.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/12/2015 08:32

If manager says no ask school if there's a dress rehearsal you could go to.

Pilgit · 09/12/2015 08:36

It makes good business sense for your employer to facilitate this if possible - you've already said you'll come back and make up the time. It's good sense as it's a (relatively) small thing but engenders good will. What they get back in loyalty and commitment is valuable so don't sell that short.

I work long hours in a high stress job and I make being at these things a priority as I know it's what I remember from my childhood. My dad had a very busy job and I remember the disappointment when he couldn't make it to things (in fairness to him he got to most things). I want to avoid that with my girls. Thankfully my boss is supportive of this.

TalkinPeace · 09/12/2015 08:46

Imagine if bus drivers stopped the bus to go to a Nativity play.
Imagine if teachers walked out of class to go see a nativity play
Imagine if doctors left a long operation to go to a nativity play
or police officers
or air traffic controllers

YABU
You have a job. You made that choice.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/12/2015 08:46

Yabu.