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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to this wedding?

186 replies

possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:10

Dp will be best man, I have only met the couple once. Dp will presumably sit at the top table, and I will be placed on a random table - I don't know anyone else going to this wedding. Normally I would suck it up and sit and smile but I will have given birth to twins a few weeks before and I just don't know how the whole thing will pan out. Dp has a room at the hotel and says I can use it for changing, napping and feeding whenever I want, but it's a long day. Dp will want to drink which is fine, but I won't have any help. I have asked if it would be acceptable for me to miss the wedding ceremony and breakfast and just attend the reception but I got a firm no. WIBU to sack it off?

OP posts:
NeedsAMousekatool · 02/12/2015 10:12

You're due twins a few weeks before? Fuck that shit. Decline. You're quite likely to have had a c section and be unable to do nothing except recover anyway, and you won't be able to drive. Even if you have a VB - fuck that shit. Newborns are hard work and twins are more than twice as hard.

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:14

Thank you so much, I've been trying to explain this to them for weeks and they won't listen, should I just wait till after they are born and flat out refuse?

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 02/12/2015 10:14

fuck that shit

^^ This.

honeysucklejasmine · 02/12/2015 10:15

I'd tell them in advance so they can offer your seat to someone else. But I sure as hell would not be going.

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:17

I've told them this week and they just shrugged it off and said I'll feel different on the day and i shouldn't be left out. I shall forward this post to DP and let him deal with it Grin

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 02/12/2015 10:17

A few weeks after delivering twins? No fucking way. Id barely be bothered to drag myself to a relatives wedding after doing that. Some random? Definetly.not!

littlemermaid80 · 02/12/2015 10:17

YANBU you'll have newborns!!

Sorry but your DP sounds a bit of an arse, why can't he help you out on the day a bit more, and why has he given you a flat no?

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:20

He thinks I don't want to go because I don't like his friends, I've only met them the once and didn't really form an opinion. I would suck it up if I could just go to the reception for a few hours but I can't imagine anyone wanting two newborns there from '11am-late'.

OP posts:
Preciousxbane · 02/12/2015 10:22

I third the Fuck that shit and I'm a roll up your sleeves practical type.

reni2 · 02/12/2015 10:22

Tell your dp he has to hold one twin all day, you the other. Swap for feeds. No? Well, you can't come then.

lborgia · 02/12/2015 10:22

You've been trying to explain for weeks and they won't allow you to go to just the reception despite your dh being his bestest friend in the world ?

I can't think of a polite response tbh. Tell DH he'll have a much better time not worrying about you and the babies. . And stay home. They sound Uber unhelpful and I wouldn't give them another thought.

Good luck with the babies! How exciting!

PennyHasNoSurname · 02/12/2015 10:22

Id think the Couple were pretty thoughtless if they put him on the top table and leave you alone with two newborns to manage. Common sense would be that he would need to sit with you and just do his speech from there.

Could you go for the meal then leave after that?

littlemermaid80 · 02/12/2015 10:23

Make it clear it's because of the small fact that you have recently given birth to not one but two babies Hmm and will need help on the day.

IssyStark · 02/12/2015 10:24

I would have thought it was more acceptable to attend the wedding (the important bit) and then miss the reception etc.

You've told them you will probably not come and they've decided to leave the place open for you regardless, which is actually very nice of them (and I can understand why, they obv. want their best man's wife to come).

Personally I'd leave it as it is, you may well feel differently nearer the time, you may not. Babies can change their habits so quickly, so just make the decision the day before rather than try and second guess.

Everyone will understand if they are going through a growth spurt and you haven't had any sleep and call off, likewise if they are sleeping brilliantly and you feel like being an adult for the day, you'll be treated like royalty having twins in tow Smile

multivac · 02/12/2015 10:24

Twins? A few weeks before? Bloody hell no - and anyone expecting, still less pressuring - you into going is being VVVVVVVU.

My twins are nearly 11 now. When they were 'a few weeks old' I could barely get out to the local shop, let alone go to a freaking wedding.

It's quite possible you will still be recovering from major abdominal surgery, quite apart from anything else.

FFS.

NataliaOsipova · 02/12/2015 10:25

No - YANBU. Clearly people who haven't had children.....! How ridiculous they are.

wigglesrock · 02/12/2015 10:25

My sister got married 6 weeks after I had my daughter - it was a small wedding, all of my family were there, they all helped. My husband was there, we had a big room in the hotel, it was easy to nip up and get changed, sit down for a bit.

It was still really difficult, I was absolutely knackered, uncomfy and would rather have been at home. I had help, it wasn't my first child, I knew everyone there, I had only had one baby six weeks previously. I'm usually the first to say it'll be grand, wait and see how you feel, you never know you might enjoy it but not this time - you couldn't be less unreasonable if you tried.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 02/12/2015 10:25

It doesn't even make sense Shock Your DP is going to be on a different table and swanning about doing best man duties whilst you try to manage with twins! It would only have a chance of being feasible if someone else actually came with you to help you manage the babies and as PPs said since it's only a few weeks after your due date, you could have had a CS, still trying to establish feeding, etc.

It's very kind that they don't want you to feel left out but actually forcing you to go is incredibly selfish and shows a complete lack of understanding. Say you're not going to the wedding, chedule in a celebratory meal with the bride and groom for when the DTs are a few months old (and get someone to come to stay with you whilst DP is at the wedding).

DearTeddyRobinson · 02/12/2015 10:26

Hahaha at the thought of going anywhere further than the end of the road a few weeks after having ONE baby, never mind two!!
There's no way you can make this wedding, your DP won't get this till after the babies arrive and realises how much work it is just to get everyone fed and clean.
Not to mention you could still be quite sore post section, which you may well end up having. Or you could have stitches making sitting on a dining chair very uncomfortable. Oh and your boobs will be leaking like mad if they're anything like mine!
Tell them you won't be making it, if they put pressure on you then say ok, then just don't go. You've given them plenty of warning.
Good luck with the babies!

reni2 · 02/12/2015 10:29

A week after the babies your dp will understand why this is not possible. If he insists, by all means go, two hour in he and you will both leave in a cab. (Do try and keep the "I told you so" to yourself to be used at a special occasion)

Suddenlyseymour · 02/12/2015 10:29

Yep, I think DP will have seen the cold hard reality once the babies are born......it's BONKERS, and if for a millisecond you do consider going, DP needs to be sober to take a baby each for the WHOLE DAY!!

Original poster
possum18 · 02/12/2015 10:29

I'm going to fourth the fuck that shit! Thank you all glad I'm not being hormonal and U! Happily emailing DH the link to this.

OP posts:
EatDessertFirst · 02/12/2015 10:31

I'm in the fuck that shit camp as well. Your DP is an arse if he has no intention of helping you if you do go.

Dipankrispaneven · 02/12/2015 10:38

Having one newborn at a wedding is doable on the basis that you can keep the baby quiet by surreptitious feeding and, if that doesn't work, take him/her out; that isn't possible with two. Do the bride and groom really want the prospect of two babies crying in tandem throughout the ceremony and reception?

I agree that your DP is very likely to change his mind once the cold hard reality of having newborn twins hits him. Make sure he does his fair share of the work involved.

reni2 · 02/12/2015 10:40

The other thing is, baby twins set each other off in my experience. Twin 1 cries, you start soothing and rocking, twin 2 starts. If you put down twin 1 to rock twin 2 they will start again. So during the ceremony and speeches he WILL be holding one of them without a doubt.

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